Hunger
by gredelina1
Summary: Hunger comes in many forms – hunger for sustenance, power, love, sex, fame, wealth. What do you do when the hunger becomes a need that overwrites everything? How do you feed the hunger without losing yourself?
1. Chapter 1

**After reading so many of the amazing stories out there I finally decided to stop being such a coward and post my own story. Still scared shitless though so go easy on me…**

**I've been fortunate enough to have the help and support from some amazing women and I'm sending huge thanks and sloppy kisses to you; **

**GemmaLisax – the first one to read this and the first one to kick my ass to post it already!**

**Hammerhips – my all-time favorite, any category, for taking care of my comma problems and putting up with my insecurities.**

**Stichcat – my wonderful beta for taking me on!**

**Verseseven – my ff soulmate, for simply being you!**

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

"New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer; pp 330-331

_Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now. _

_He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again._

_I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing – and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear._

_My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat._

_Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all._

_Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair._

_If I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight._

_But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?_

_Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head._

_And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear._

"_Be happy," he told me._

_I froze._

_Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door. _

_Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head._

_Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck. _

**BPOV**

The cold wind rattled me and I found my voice. "Jake, wait!" I could hear the despair and desperation in my one voice as I called out to him.

"Please, don't leave!" _Please, don't you leave me too!_

Jacob quickly sat back down in the driver seat and looked at me with pain in his eyes.

"I'm never going to leave you Bella. I just don't want to push you into doing something you clearly don't want to do."

He broke eye contact and a veil of darkness suddenly made his deep brown eyes almost black. The hurt and longing emanating from every inch of his body made me whimper.

I took his big, warm hand in my much smaller one, and searched for his gaze until his eyes finally met mine.

With as much strength and assurance as I could muster I said "You don't know what I want Jake. _I_ don't even know what I want. But tonight I just want to _feel_ something. Something warm, secure and comforting. Please, come inside with me and keep me company until Charlie gets home."

Jacob looked at me with sadness, confusion and maybe a tiny glimmer of hope?

When we got in the house Jacob went straight to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water and downed it like his throat was on fire. He appeared nervous and slightly uncomfortable.

I saw that the light on the answering machine was blinking and proceeded to listen to Charlie's tired, sad voice leaving a message saying that he would be staying with Sue, Leah and Seth tonight as they needed a lot of help in the wake of the shock of Harry's sudden death.

The sound of dejection in Charlie's voice made my knees weak. Suddenly all of today's events hit me at once and I started to shiver as silent tears began rolling down my cheeks. Jacob took one look at me and quickly scooped me up in his strong, warm arms, and carried me to the living room couch. He sat down and cradled me in his lap as if I was a child, holding me tight and rocking me gently until my tears started to ebb. The warmth from his chest made me feel like I was snuggled up in a cosy blanket.

I felt his rough, yet surprisingly gentle fingers drying the remainder of my tears from my cheeks. When I looked up into his big brown eyes and experienced nothing but love coming from them I almost felt the hole in my chest starting to retract. I surprised both of us when I reached up and softly touched his lips with mine. Jacob winced for a split second and his eyes shot wide open with bewilderment. After the initial shock waned, he quickly met my lips and gently started to kiss me back.

Kissing Jacob entailed a totally different feeling than kissing _him_. Jake's lips were scorching hot and he tasted like a soothing blend of ocean and forest topped off with a delicious cup of hot chocolate. I wanted to taste more, to _feel_ more, and I started to deepen the kiss. Our mouths opened slightly and I let my tongue explore him. When his tongue met mine I sighed with relief. Relief that I actually was physically capable of kissing someone else, since I was never going to get to kiss _him_ again. Relief that I genuinely could feel something while kissing someone else. Relief mixed with surprise and a little bit of sadness that I honestly enjoyed kissing Jacob.

It wasn't just the warmth and the taste of Jacob's lips that differed from my previous kissing experience. Everything was diametrically opposed. Where _he_ would always be gentle, Jacob was impassioned. Where _his _body would start to tense and become more and more rigid, Jacob's body got more and more relaxed and animated. Where _he_ - no damn it! Where _Edward_ would keep his lips firmly closed, Jacob parted his and let my tongue do what ever it wanted to. Where Edward would keep our kisses very PG 13 and chaste, Jacob's kisses were fervent and wanton. Where Edward would pull back leaving me wanting more, Jacob kept throwing himself into our kisses showing me he wanted me more than anything.

For the first time, since my disastrous birthday, I experienced warmth and love originating from a physical encounter. I felt like I was drowning again and Jacob was once again rescuing me and bringing me back to life one kiss at a time.

Every kiss carefully nudged a portion of my heartache into a more confined section. I caught a glimpse of a future where the numbness and pain was not the be-all and end-all of my existence. There was a slight trace of something more. Something lighter. Something resembling joy. Hope?

I desperately wanted to explore this sensation further. With my lips still locked on to Jacob's I shifted my legs so I was straddling him. He let out a gasp and a deep moan when he felt my breasts close to his bare chest. His moan sent incredible ripples through me and left me slightly vibrating.

One of his big hands roughly cupped the back of my head and his fingers threaded through my hair. His other hand moved softly but firmly across my back and I was completely surrounded with his heat. The blazing waves emanating from Jacob's skin were so smoldering I almost thought I would burst into flames right then and there. I started to pant slightly and I moaned when his hand came round my back and carefully ghosted my right breast.

I opened my eyes and saw Jacobs's heavy lidded eyes darting from the contour of my breasts beneath my shirt to my eyes.

When his eyes met mine I could see questions in his _"Is this really happening? Should I stop? Do you really want this?"_

All I knew was that I really wanted to continue whatever we were doing. I wanted to continue _feeling_. For so long now I had been in this vacuum and just felt numb. To truly feel anything other than nothingness and detachment was fascinating. To actually feel something pleasurable was simply astonishing. I just wanted to lose myself in this foreign, wondrous sensation.

I answered Jacob's silent queries by slowly lifting my shirt up, pulling it off and throwing it on the floor. A low growl came from deep in Jacob's chest sending delicious shivers up my spine. My lips started to trail kisses along his shoulders, neck and collarbones. The taste of his skin was both comforting and arousing and I felt my breathing getting heavier.

I let my hands explore his chiselled chest and abdomen. The power and hardness of his incredible muscles made me feel safe and at the same time it sent tingles all over my body in the most appealing way. His sculptured, strong body told me indubitably that he was no longer the sweet, innocent boy I knew. He now was a young man with desires and needs. Desires he wasn't afraid of showing and I had never felt more wanted.

I closed my eyes when Jacob's lips and tongue carefully tasted their way down the length of my neck travelling towards the sensitive spot behind my ear. Suddenly a beautiful creature with unruly, bronze hair emerged behind my closed lids. I felt a sharp pinch of guilt followed by an immediate sense of fury.

Why should I feel guilty for letting myself feel something other than pain for once? It was not as if he wanted me anymore! Was I really supposed to spend my entire life without even a moment's worth of happiness? _No, damn it! _All the things that happened today, my stupid cliff jumping, saying goodbye to Edward when I thought I was going to drown, seeing Jacobs tormented face light up with relief when he realized I was still alive and hearing Charlie's broken voice as he mourned the loss of one of his closest friends, made me comprehend that I actually wanted to keep on living. Living, not merely existing, but really _living_. Not only for Charlie's and Jacob's sakes but also for my own.

I decided then and there that I was going to stop obsessing over the one who didn't love me and focus on the ones that did. Metaphorically I saw myself starting to push the door to the painful chamber shot and instead unlocking the door to the much smaller chamber where hope resided.

At that very moment Jacob's mouth found my earlobe, licked it gently and then slowly sucked on it. I experienced an entirely unfamiliar sensation when the heat of his mouth sent shockwaves of fire down my body. The heat gradually converged into the center of my newfound womanhood, I heard myself moaning and I started to writher closer to Jacob and crashed my lips to his.

That night was the start of my new life. Something changed inside of me when I finally let go of my obsession with Edward and pulled myself out of my head and started listening to my body instead. It turned out that my body had a lot to say! Jacob and I made love that night and although it was a bit awkward at times and somewhat painful at first it ended up being one of the best nights of my life. I never knew that my body was capable to produce such intense feelings of pleasure. Sure, like any other hot-blooded hormonal teenager I had been touching myself for years and I was no stranger to having orgasms, but the intensity of coming from someone else's touch was an entirely new experience and I discovered that I wanted that feeling more than anything. Thankfully Jake was more than willing to accommodate my wants and needs over and over again!

During the next few weeks Jake and I had negotiated the terms of our relationship. Even though I loved him and loved the feelings he provoked from my body, I was not _in_ _love_ with him and I had to make that perfectly clear to him after a huge argument over him calling me his girlfriend. He tried to convince me that we were perfect for each other and that I was kidding myself about not being in love with him. I spent a lot of time explaining to him that I couldn't allow myself to fall in love with him, however easy it would be to do that. I just couldn't open myself up to the certainty of heartache again, knowing that he hadn't imprinted on me and that some day he would find his soul mate and I would be left alone again. Jake was positive that he wouldn't imprint and that I was it for him, but after a lot of talking, crying and hot angry-sex he finally relented. After some time he got over his hurt feelings and actually told me that he was proud of me for being so strong and sticking up for myself. That was the day when we decided that we would always be best friends and the only thing that changed within our relationship was that we now were best friends with benefits.

The following months brought on a lot of changes in my life. Not only was I sexually active, with a slightly alarming high libido but my appearances changed too. I rediscovered my love for cooking when I started to enjoy the flavors of food again and that lead to a much needed weight gain. I no longer looked emaciated and frail. I was still slender but in a much healthier way and the extra weight had to Jake's appreciation mainly attached itself to my hips and chest. I now had a more womanly figure with an actual hourglass shape and I surprisingly found myself liking how I looked. I would never be beautiful but my new body shape together with the soft glow of my hair and the creaminess of my skin made me realize that I could be considered pretty or even, as the guys in the pack called me, 'hot'.

I carried myself with a lot more confidence now and that was partly due to my new awareness of my physical appearance but the biggest reason behind my changes in fortitude was the pack. Not only did they chase off Victoria on an almost weekly basis, but they took me in as an honorary member and worked tenaciously to help me build up my self-esteem and develop a backbone. In the words of Paul, I needed to grow some fucking balls and stop moping over some filthy bloodsucker that was too much of a pansy ass to even manage to get laid in over a hundred years!

Paul and I had developed a strange kind of love-hate-relationship; we constantly quarrelled, and to the amusement of the rest of the pack, I could now hold my own against him and I dished out as good as I got. Even though we frequently fought and called each other names, when it really mattered we protected each other fiercely and would do almost anything to keep the other from harm.

When Paul's stepdad decided one day that it would be a good idea to pay Paul a visit to remind him what a failure he was and that he would never amount to anything, I was the one who stormed over there and gave the son of a bitch a piece of my mind and then proceeded to tell him to fuck off and leave Paul the hell alone. To my big surprise he actually left, and Paul told me later that he had never seen his stepdad look so dumbfounded and scared; he said that he almost felt sorry for the old guy due to the steam coming out of my ears.

Paul in turn was the one besides Jake who was the most worried about me getting hurt, and he was also the one who was most frustrated by Victoria's uncanny knack of getting away from them; he was constantly on the look-out for any kind of danger to me. He and Jake had declared themselves as my personal bodyguards, and claimed that since I was such a danger magnet they needed to be by my side as much as possible. I vehemently argued that I didn't need any babysitters but that I could always enjoy the company of a friend on my terms. They reluctantly agreed and tried their best to keep their distance when I needed some space.

All in all, I had mostly managed to get my life back on track and the hole in my chest was not mended, but it was definitely well stitched up and duct taped. Most days I found myself laughing at something or another, and that, together with the amazing feelings sex produced made me realize that I was actually kind of happy about my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Big thanks to my beautiful beta Stitch_cat for prettying this up for me. Thanks also to Verseseven and KristALchelle for all your support – it means the world to me! **

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

BPOV

"Come on kiddo! We're going to be late if we don't leave in the next ten minutes! Renée, leave the girl be and get down here so we can go watch our daughter graduate all ready!"

"Good grief, Charlie! Keep your pants on! I'm only helping Bella to look her best on this special day!" Renée shouted while simultaneously laying the finishing touches on my hair, which she had styled into big soft curls and pinned up to show off my cheekbones and eyes while the rest cascaded down by back.

"Bells doesn't need any help, she always looks good!" Charlie said, shocking the crap out of me. My dad has never been vocal with his feelings and him paying me a compliment was an extremely rare occasion. I guess the 'special' day that was my graduation day made him slightly mushy, and I couldn't help the tears that started to form from hearing the love and pride in my father's voice.

"Oh, no you don't! Don't you dare ruin my hard work by crying, young lady! There will be no crying for either of us before you've got that diploma in your hand" Renée threatened, and glared at my newly made-up face.

"Relax mom, I'm fine! I did not suffer through the last hour of 'Bella Barbie' to have it all undone now, I promise." The truth was that I hadn't really suffered all that much. I always hated when Alice used me as her own dress-up doll, and I only let her get away with it because it made her happy. With my mom it was different. She listened to my opinions and never pushed me past my comfort level. Spending some one-on-one girl time with Renée had actually been kind of nice, and I liked the end result. I was wearing a pair of low-rise dark jeans with a deep-red shirt that showed off my cleavage nicely without making it obvious. I looked good, and as long as I didn't trip and fall on my ass up on that stage, I felt I could end my high school career with my head held high.

"Oh, baby girl you are so beautiful! I can't believe you're graduating today! I'm so proud of you honey!" Mom pulled me in for a hug and I swear the woman had already forgotten about the no crying rule, or maybe it didn't apply as heavily to her as it did to me.

Renée had arrived in Forks yesterday afternoon and was heading home to Jacksonville later today. Phil had unfortunately injured his leg and wasn't able to come with her. He had had a hard time convincing Renée that he was capable of coping on his own for twenty-four hours because he knew how much it would pain her to miss seeing my graduation. As much as I loved spending time with my mom, it was undeniably something that was more enjoyable in smaller doses, so this short visit was perfect from my perspective.

We had spent the night before watching movies, pigging out on junk food and talking, talking, talking. Mom wanted to know every little detail about my life and, to my mortification, that most definitely included everything that had to do with Jacob. I was not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life with my mother but she was relentless, and got me to 'fess up to a lot more than I initially was willing to. Of course she had trouble understanding why I was so adamant about not wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with Jake when we clearly enjoyed each other's company, could talk about anything and had great sex. I couldn't exactly tell her that he would most likely imprint one day due to being the rightful Alpha of a pack of wolves who protected us from psychotic vampires, so I had to work really hard on convincing her that although we loved each other, we were not _in love_ with each other. Renée being Renée naturally got excited after a while about having such a progressive daughter that had a hot, Native American friend with benefits. Only my mother would be proud of her only daughter having sex without being in a relationship…

Thankfully Charlie had made himself scarce during the evening, stating that he had a lot of paperwork to catch up on, so he wasn't subjected to all the uncomfortable sex talk that went on. Charlie and I had gotten a lot closer over the last few months but there were still a lot of subjects that we carefully avoided broaching, and sex was definitely one of them. Charlie knew that Jake and I were closer than 'just' friends and had had a sit-down with Jake, telling him that he better be good to me and for God's sake always use protection or he would find out just how well Chief Swan could handle a gun! Thankfully he was satisfied with Jake's response and didn't feel the need to have the embarrassing talk with me as well. I felt humiliated enough when Jake regaled me with the details of their talk, and I think my cheeks were constantly red in my dad's presence for about a week after that. However awkward the whole thing felt it still warmed my heart to know that my dad went through with an undoubtedly uncomfortable situation because he felt protective of me. I had always known that Charlie loved me, but somehow this action made me realize that there really wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me, and I loved him even more for it.

Today, after the ceremony, Charlie, Renée and I were going to the diner to have a simple celebratory dinner and then Charlie would drive Renée to the airport so she could go back home to fuss over her injured husband. I was going to La Push where a huge graduation party was going to be held at First Beach. Paul, Jared and Leah were all graduating today, and since I was not only an honorary pack member but also an honorary Quileute, I was included in the celebration. There was going to be music, dancing, a bonfire and naturally a massive amount of food that Emily and I had been working many hours to prepare. In short, the party should be quite similar to the usual bonfires except there would be family and friends outside of the pack there and the legends would not be told. It should be a fun night, though and I was looking forward to it.

I was going to spend the entire weekend at Jake's since Charlie and Billy were leaving in the morning to go on a two day fishing trip, and Charlie wasn't thrilled by the idea of leaving me home alone. I was a bit peeved about him treating me like a child but I didn't complain too much, seeing as it meant two uninterrupted days of Jake and me being alone without worrying about one of our fathers walking in on us in a compromising position. Oh, the thought of being able to totally let go with Jake for 48 hours sent instant tingling feelings down my spine that settled in my core as I started to imagine what we would be doing in just a few hours. It had been almost a week since we had had sex due to all the graduation preparations we both had to do and I felt a burning need for some release.

I was abruptly pulled from my delicious daydreams of being ravished by a chiseled, russet, insatiable man when Charlie once again yelled out to Renée and I to hurry up. We scurried downstairs and quickly got in the cruiser and headed for Forks high school to finally put an end to my high school career.

After putting on the unflattering cap and gown I started to make my way towards my seat, when I suddenly felt like I was being watched. It felt very unnerving. I tried to shake it off, telling myself that of course people were looking; all of us graduates were being watched by family and friends, but the niggling feeling in the back of my head told me that this was something different. Thinking about Victoria I started to regret not letting any of the wolves attend my ceremony. Jacob had not been happy with me when I stated that he couldn't come to see me get my diploma. I was adamant about every member of the pack being at the ceremony at La Push high school to watch their pack sister and their two pack brothers graduate instead of coming to Forks. They could celebrate with me at the party later, and I would leave with Charlie and Renée right after the ceremony anyway; plus I really didn't want any more attention walking across that stage. Now, however, I would have welcomed the small sense of security knowing that my wolf bodyguards were nearby.

Just as I was beginning to panic, I suddenly felt oddly calm and realized that I was being absolutely ridiculous. I was perfectly safe and I really didn't think even Victoria was stupid enough to attack in such a public place, with half of Forks present. If she truly was here watching me, I would not let her see any weakness or fear. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and made my way over to my seat next to Jessica, silently cursing the fact that we were next to each other alphabetically, which meant that I had to sit through her incessant blathering for the entire ceremony.

When she looked up at me and started to open her mouth I steeled myself but my looming irritation vanished and I found myself smiling, feeling strangely happy to see her. Maybe it was the fact that it would be the last time I was forced to spend time with her, or maybe I started to get caught up in the graduation nostalgia that most of my classmates seemed to feel? Either way, I gave her an honest smile and sat down.

"Hi Bella! Wow, can you believe we're finally here? We're graduating!" Jessica squealed.

"Hey Jessica! Yeah, it feels a little unreal doesn't it?" I responded, looking around to see that Charlie and Renée were laughing together while preparing their cameras so they wouldn't miss a single opportunity to take pictures. I sighed silently at that thought, but it still felt good to see them get along so well and working together to make this day perfect for all of us.

"So Bella, did you know?" Jessica leaned into me with the look she got when she thought she could potentially get some new, thrilling gossip.

"Know what?" I asked hesitantly. The glint in her eyes told me that I might not like whatever it was that had her so excited.

"That _they're_ back of course!" She stated in a matter-of-fact way.

"That who's back, Jessica?" I started to feel a little irritated again, and the unsettled feeling in the back of my head came back with a vengeance.

"The Cullens! The Cullens are back, Bella! You really didn't know?" Jessica sounded like she had just got the best present ever and I felt my mind racing to take in the news. They're back? The Cullens are back? What? Why? When? Huh?

"What are you talking about Jessica?" I struggled to keep my voice calm but I could hear it crack slightly at the end.

"The Cullens, Bella" she said slowly, maybe realizing that I was a bit slow on the uptake at the moment.

"The Cullens are back. Apparently they didn't like LA and Alice and Edward wanted to graduate with their old class so they came back to Forks. I think that they just got here yesterday or something. Anyway, they're all here - Alice and Edward are sitting with Ben Cheney and Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper are all standing over there." She pointed, not too discreetly, across the courtyard and there stood five familiar vampires looking as otherworldly beautiful as always.

It felt as if the whole world had come to an end. I found it hard to breathe and I had to fight very hard not to jump up off of my seat and head for the hills. The panic from earlier came back in full force and then I realized that Jasper was probably behind my shifting emotions. I didn't know if that thought was comforting or disturbing. What were they doing here? Edward had told me in no uncertain terms that I would never see them again, and yet here they all were. I felt extremely confused and my mind was swirling with questions.

I couldn't bring myself to look in the direction Jessica had said Alice and Edward were sitting. It would just make it too real to see them. I had wished for so long that they would come back and now I didn't know how I felt about it. I had made such a transformation during the last few months; my former vampire family was not in my thoughts as much anymore. My feelings towards them had also changed and I had a lot of anger towards them. The confusion and anger were fighting with my feelings of love and hurt. My head started to throb and I felt utterly overwhelmed. I couldn't do this. Not now. My fight or flight instinct was firmly set on flight and I desperately wanted to deny what my eyes were telling me. It had to be an illusion. There was no way the Cullens were actually here. All of a sudden I felt a comforting sense of calm, peace and tranquility. My head snapped up and my eyes met Jasper's golden ones. He gave me a small smile and made a motion of breathing heavily, indicating that that would be a good idea for me to do. I tentatively nodded my head in understanding and took a few deep breaths.

The breathing and the manufactured calm helped a little but my mind was still spinning. I was vaguely aware of the ceremony beginning and people making speeches. I clapped my hands absently after Angela finished her speech as valedictorian. I had no idea what she had said and that made me feel a little bit guilty. I was not being a good friend at the moment, but I just couldn't bring myself to pay attention to things that seemed so trivial in comparison to the fact that the vampires were back.

Jessica nudged my shoulder and whispered that the diplomas had been started to be handed out and that I should get ready to head up to get mine. I shook my head trying to clear the fog that seemed to have settled in it. I took a deep breath and looked up towards the stage to see how far along the alphabet they were. Big mistake. Just as my eyes fell on the Principal, Alice Cullen skipped forward smiling a brilliant smile and took her diploma from the now-dazzled man. I could feel my stomach clench as I watched my former best friend and sister looking radiant and happier than ever.

"Edward Cullen" A voice came out over the speakers, and there he was. Walking across the stage with his usual confidence he looked every bit as beautiful as I remembered. His bronze hair was still as untamed and the sharp angles of his jaw were still begging to be kissed. Stupid vampire lure! My eyes drank in the sight of him as he left the stage, and then he turned his head, looking directly at me.

I gasped when his eyes met mine, and I couldn't for the life of me look away. His eyes held so many emotions that didn't make sense to me. Love, pain, regret, shock and sadness were fighting with a sort of pleading look. If I thought I was confused before it was nothing to now. What the hell was that? He couldn't possibly be feeling all of those things. I must be seeing what I always dreamt I would see. I clearly remembered the cold, hard look in his eyes the last time I saw him when he told me he didn't want me and that he was tired of pretending.

With that thought in mind I tore my eyes away from him and started to make my own way up towards the stage. I felt like I was walking in a daze and then I met Jasper's eyes again and the stupor dissipated, I found the strength to hold my head up and focus on the task at hand. Oddly enough it didn't feel like Jasper had manipulated my emotions, instead my mind just seemed to clear itself out just by his encouraging gaze and I felt strangely empowered by that thought. It was as if he reminded me of the fact that I was a lot stronger now than the naïve, innocent little girl I had been a year ago. I walked with determination across the stage, took my diploma and turned to smile at my cheering parents without even stumbling the tiniest bit.

Finally the ceremony was over, the caps were thrown, hugs were shared and I could slowly make my way over to Charlie and Renée and get the hell out of there. Renée threw her arms around me and sobbed loudly while telling me how proud she was of me. Charlie had tears in his eyes as well and took me in a deep embrace. As he was expressing his own pride over me he suddenly stiffened and I could feel him slightly trembling. I took a step back and looked questioningly at him only to see the vein in his forehead throbbing, and the look in his eyes showed profound hatred for someone behind my back.

"Crap!" I sighed when I realized who was approaching us. I slowly turned around and came face-to-face with Edward.

"Hello Bella." He said in his soft, velvet voice. "Chief Swan. Mrs. Dwyer." He nodded to my parents.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My father spat out with venom in his voice. I had never heard my dad sounding so hateful and I knew that he wanted to do some serious damage to Edward for hurting me the way he did.

"Charlie!" My mother admonished, clearly not impressed by Charlie's attitude.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your celebration Chief Swan. I was just wondering if I might have a word with your daughter."

"Like hell you will! Who do you think you are? Leaving her in the woods like that, breaking her and then come wandering back like nothing ever happened and expect me to let you come near her again?" Charlie was seething with anger and his face had taken on a dangerous shade of purple.

"Dad, calm down!" I started to get a little worried about him having a heart attack and I really didn't want him telling Edward more about how broken I had been. The look on Edward's face told me that he saw some pretty nasty images in Charlie's head, and I resigned myself to the fact that I had to pull on my big girl panties and talk to Edward.

"Calm down? Bella, please go with your mother and wait for me in the car." Charlie never once took his eyes off Edward, and as much as I appreciated my dad standing up for me, I started to get pissed off. I was perfectly able to speak for myself and I didn't need protection from something that Charlie didn't even know the truth about.

"No, I will not go wait in the car. You and mom should go wait for me while I have a talk with Edward." I said in a surprisingly strong voice while looking at Renée, silently pleading with her to agree with me.

"Isabella, you are not going to talk to that boy!" Charlie hissed out through clenched teeth.

"Dad! You can't decide who I talk to or not! I'm going to have a little chat with Edward and then I'll be right along so we can go to the diner."

Charlie finally stopped glaring at Edward and looked at me with frustration and fear written across his face. I could see him warring with himself; torn between the fear of me getting hurt again and his knowledge that I was stronger now and could handle myself.

I put my hand on his chest and in a soft voice said "I'm fine dad. I promise I'll only be a little while and I'll still be fine when I return."

"Charlie, come on. Let's go wait in the car for Bella. This is clearly something that she needs to do. We can talk about it over dinner later." My mom finally decided to pipe in and gently pulled Charlie by the hand giving me a look that said we would definitely be talking about this later.

Feeling very tired I rubbed my temples and slowly turned to speak to Edward, noticing that we had an audience. Jessica, Lauren and their mothers were watching us with excitement in their eyes, and I felt a headache creeping on.

"Bella…" Edward started but I quickly cut him off.

"Not here Edward. I see that the rest of your family is standing by themselves over there. Let's go over to them and you can tell me whatever it is you feel the need to and then I can go back to enjoying my graduation day."

He winced a little at my tone but nodded and we walked across the courtyard towards the rest of the Cullens. I felt like I was walking towards my own execution. I had no idea what to expect and there were so many conflicting emotions swirling around me. I just wanted to get this over with, so I forced myself to start thinking about the upcoming party at La Push and the weekend of steamy sex that I had to look forward to.

This was something that I had learned to do to cope when my emotions got too dark. If I focused really hard on something positive, and made myself imagine every little detail, I eventually started to feel better. The optimistic thoughts slowly pushed away the negative ones, and this had become easier and easier to do with the passing months as I had more positive things to focus on. I wasn't sure if the increase of positive things came from my new outlook on life or if the new outlook came from an increase of positive things. It was my own version of the chicken-or-egg conundrum, not that it really mattered anyway but it made for a good philosophical mental diversion.

During the time I had managed to distract myself, Edward and I had reached his family. I took a deep breath and waited for someone to say something. Emmett stood grinning at me, looking like he wanted to jump up and wrap me in one of his bear hugs. Alice bounced lightly on the balls of her feet, smiling brightly at me. Esme looked like she was about to cry any second if she could. Rosalie surprised me by giving me a small smile instead of the scowl she usually reserved for me. Carlisle cleared his throat and took a step towards me.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again. We've missed you so much." He sounded so sincere that I froze for a second before I remembered how talented actors vampires had to be to pass as humans, and Carlisle had clearly spent a lot of time perfecting the art of appearing compassionate and honest.

"Really Carlisle? You've missed me? Well, I've been here the whole time." I could hear the bitterness in my own voice and the look of hurt that shot through Carlisle's face cut me deep in the heart. I had, however, decided not to let myself become vulnerable again so I directed my next question towards Edward; "What did you want to talk about?"

"Bella, there is so much I want to tell you and I don't quite know where to begin." I had never seen Edward looking so unsure and nervous; it was really unsettling to see.

"Perhaps now is not the time to have this discussion." Carlisle cut in. "I think it would be best to talk in another setting when we have more time. Edward informed us that Charlie will be driving your mother to the airport after you've had dinner together. Would you be willing to come over to the house and visit with us afterwards?"

"Oh, Edward informed you did he? And just how did you get this knowledge, huh, Edward? Been poking around in my parents minds since you can't pry into mine?" I felt deep indignation at the thought of him snooping around and sharing his findings with his family. I heard some muffled snickering coming from Emmett and Rosalie and saw them staring at Edward with pure glee. They apparently didn't appreciate his constant mindreading either, and were obviously happy to see me snapping at him.

"Bella…" Edward started.

"No Edward, I don't want to hear your rationalizations! Your gift only gets you this far though since you obviously don't know that I already have other plans tonight, so I will not be able to pay you a _visit_!" The thought of going to La Push had never felt better than it did at this moment. I definitely needed some time to collect myself before I would be able to talk to the Cullens. Right now I felt like a tight bundle of nerves waiting to explode.

"But Bella…I haven't seen you having plans tonight!" Alice cried out. "In fact I can't see you at all after you leave the diner. Why can't I see you?"

God, her shrieking voice sent shivers down my spine! Had she always sounded so whiney?

"Alice I have no idea why you can't see me, but I can't pretend to be sad about it!" It was a little weird that she couldn't see me, but I was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. It was quite freeing to know that she couldn't monitor my every move like she used to do.

"Do you really have plans or are you just saying that to avoid us? If you haven't made any decisions it would explain why I haven't seen it."

"Are you accusing me of lying, Alice?" The anger I had tried so hard to suppress began to surface hearing her condescending questions. "Do you really think I'm so pathetic that I would have nowhere to go to celebrate my graduation and that I would lie to cover that fact up?"

"But I can't see…" Alice continued to grumble, pissing me off even more.

"Not my problem! For your information I'm going to a party at First Beach." I spat out, feeling the need to defend myself.

"But I heard…" I quickly turned to Emmett waiting to see what wisdom he had to share with us in this fucked-up discussion.

"I'm sorry Bella. Please don't bite my head off, but I heard Newton talking about the Natives having a private party at First Beach, and it sounded like no outsiders were welcomed." Emmett looked slightly afraid and concerned at the same time. I couldn't help myself, I started laughing. The look on his face was simply priceless! The huge, strong vampire was afraid I'd snap at him! I felt my heart opening up a little bit for Emmett again. It was just impossible not to.

Composing myself I answered him with a smirk; "You're absolutely right Emmett. It is a private party, but I'm not an outsider. I'm an honorary member of the pa…" I instantly shut my mouth, realizing that I almost told them about the wolves. I wasn't sure if they knew about the pack but I certainly was not going to be the one to inform them of it.

"You're an honorary member of what?" Emmett asked confused.

Carlisle and Edward exchanged a glance and looked inquisitively at me. Edward was shaking his head at Carlisle, clearly not pleased with the question coming.

"Are you talking about the pack of wolves Bella?" Carlisle asked, looking a bit amazed while Edward let out a low growl. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't willing to break my loyalty to the pack, and since I didn't know if Carlisle was only guessing or if he had the facts, I kept my mouth shut.

Sensing my dilemma, Carlisle quickly reassured me; "I spoke with Billy Black earlier today to inform him that we were back in the area and he informed me that there's a new pack of shape shifters at La Push. He also made it very clear that you were under their protection but I didn't realize that you knew about the wolves. I should have known though, since you seem to be a magnet for all things supernatural." Carlisle shook his head and chuckled lightly.

Edward did not chuckle. At all. He growled again and then turned and stared at me with a very angry expression.

"Bella, shape shifters are extremely dangerous! You should not be around them! Especially a new pack of young wolves that have no control what so ever! You could be seriously hurt! You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless and you go hanging around with a bunch of volatile wolves! How could you?"

I just stood and stared at him, completely dumbfounded. I didn't know where to even begin to address his stupidity and I felt the headache starting up again. Knowing that I had to have the energy left to deal with Charlie and Renée, I decided to simply let it go for now.

"Look Edward, I'm not going to dignify your little rant with a response right now because Charlie and Renée are waiting for me, and quite frankly I'm too pissed off at the moment to even look at you any longer." Again I heard Emmett and Rosalie snicker and I think I saw the corners of Carlisle's mouth twitch a little as well.

"Carlisle, I'll come by your house tomorrow if you still want to talk to me. Is that okay?"

"Of course Bella. You're so welcome and I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow. Come by at any time, we'll be there. I wish you a pleasant dinner with your parents and a relaxing, fun evening with your friends tonight." Carlisle said gracefully, putting his arm around Esme's shoulder.

"Carlisle, you're not seriously going to let her traipse off to the wolves are you?"

Before I had time to chew the idiot out, Carlisle's head snapped towards Edward and his voice was suddenly a little harder as he scolded his son.

"Edward, that's enough! Neither of us have any right to tell Bella what she can or can't do! She is obviously comfortable with them and we should respect her perspective and have trust in her judgment."

I felt like sticking my tongue out to Edward while giving Carlisle a high five but I restrained myself. I didn't want to do anything so soon that would put a damper in the trust in my judgment that Carlisle was just talking about. Instead I took a deep breath and turned around to leave when I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen Jasper since the ceremony. He was the only Cullen that I actually wanted to talk to. I desperately wanted him to know that I understood what had happened on my birthday and make sure that he didn't blame himself for it.

"Where is Jasper? I saw him earlier, but where is he now?" I asked, looking at Alice, who looked a little annoyed that I asked about Jasper. When she saw that I was looking at her she quickly changed her expression to one of compassion and love. What was that about?

"He's right over there by the tree line. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable around him." Rosalie said, looking towards the woods with sadness in her eyes. I followed her look and saw Jasper standing with his head hanging down looking like somebody had run over his puppy. My heart started to pound in my chest at the sight; he looked so sad and I couldn't walk away without at least saying something to him. As I started to walk over to him, Edward's hand shot out and grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop.

"What do you think you're doing Bella?"

"Get your hand off me Edward! What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to talk to Jasper!" If I didn't know I would only hurt myself I would have kneed him in the balls by now! I was fuming and started to wonder if smoke were actually coming out of my ears or if it just felt that way.

"Love, I can hear your heartbeat. You're obviously afraid of Jasper, as you should be, and you shouldn't make yourself go over to him in some misguided attempt to make him feel better."

By now I was seeing red, absolutely livid at the infuriating vampire who thought he knew best. I cast a look at Jasper hoping he would understand that I would appreciate some calming juju and a couple of seconds later I felt the soothing waves from the helping empath. I shot a thankful look at Jasper and forced myself to look into Edward's eyes for the last time today, hopefully.

"First of all Edward, don't call me 'Love'. Second, I'm not afraid of Jasper nor do I think I have any reason to be. Third, my heart was beating faster due to the sad look on his face in combination with the intense anger I've felt for the last 15 minutes or so. Now please shut the fuck up and stay the hell away from me!" I shouted the last few words and Edward took a step back looking extremely shocked by either my tone or my language. Knowing him it was probably both. I really couldn't care less and made my way over to a smirking Jasper.

I was so happy to see Jasper with his head held high and a smile on his face that I impulsively threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. I felt him tense against me before he slowly put his arms carefully around me and hugged me back. I heard a couple of faint growls behind me and vaguely wondered who the second growl belonged to. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I was hugging Jasper Hale and I felt my face flush, and pulled back, totally embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed darlin'. That was the nicest hug I've had in a long time." Jasper chuckled and looked me intently in the eyes. I had never been this close to Jasper before and I discovered that although his eyes were golden like all the other Cullens, his differed some. It looked like there were swirling spots of black, red and even green in them. They were extremely expressive and absolutely mesmerizing. In combination with that sexy southern drawl I had heard a hint of I realized that Jasper was exceptionally attractive. I had always known he was beautiful, he was, after all, a vampire, but I just noticed now how dangerously enticing he really was. Jasper raised an eyebrow and I realized that I had been staring at him completely caught up in my emotions. Another low chuckle emanated from his broad chest and I mentally face-palmed myself. Stupid empathic ability!

"Sorry. It's been a while since I was around your stupid vampiric beauty." I deliberately chose to omit the fact that I had just faced six beautiful vampires without fawning over any of them. Denial was my best friend at the moment. Thankfully Jasper followed my lead and changed the subject.

"You're really not afraid of me are you?" He asked in an awed voice. "I can feel a myriad of emotions from you but there is no fear. How is that possible? Last time you saw me I tried to kill you! How can you stand here in front of me and not be even a little scared? I don't feel an ounce of fear from you. It doesn't make sense. She said...terrified...harm...changed…go back…"

I couldn't make out the rest of what he was saying after he had started to mumble at vampire speed. He looked like he had the world on his shoulders again and finally he exclaimed "I don't understand."

"Jasper, I want to talk to you about it. I think I understand what happened on my birthday and I want us to discuss it, but right now I better hurry before my dad comes looking for me. I'm not sure if he's got his gun with him and I really don't want to try to explain to him why the bullets didn't hurt Edward. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Jasper let out a deep, throaty laugh. I had never heard him laugh like that before but now that I had I couldn't wait for him to do it again. It was a beautiful, rich and sexy laugh. His whole face was more animated than I had ever seen; it was like he had a bright light inside of him that I got to see a glimmer of when he laughed. He was absolutely breathtaking.

"Sure thing, darlin'. It would be my pleasure." He drawled out with a glint of mischief, probably predicting my lusty reaction to his accent. I, of course, didn't disappoint him and I glared at him before I let out a huff and walked away to the wonderful sounds of his laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

Big thanks to my amazing beta Stitch_cat for prettying this up for me. Thanks also to Verseseven and KristALchelle for all of your support – it means the world to me!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

BPOV

I was finally headed towards La Push and I couldn't wait to relax and, hopefully, enjoy the evening. The day so far had been absolutely draining thanks to the unexpected reappearance of the Cullens. Dinner with Charlie and Renée had gone better than I expected, even though Charlie was more than upset at first. When I climbed into the cruiser with a smile on my lips he bristled and started ranting about how he thought I would have more sense than to instantly let Edward worm his way back into my good graces. That statement set me off, and I explained to him in no uncertain terms that I didn't need his judgment about whether or when I chose to forgive someone. I also informed him that Edward was definitely not the reason behind my smile, and that the road towards getting forgiveness was going to be a long and winding one. Charlie saw the anger in my eyes and heard the venom in my voice and seemed to settle down a bit. He even mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "If I didn't dislike the boy so much I would almost feel sorry for him. An angry Bella is a scary thing."

When we got to the diner we unanimously decided that we were going to enjoy our time together, which meant no more talk about the Cullens. Dinner was spent with pleasant conversation, during which Renée managed to coax Charlie into admitting that he might be seeing someone. I was completely shocked, but apparently it was written all over Charlie's face, according to Renée. After enduring an intense interrogation, Charlie reluctantly revealed that he had met a woman at a café in Olympia. A few weeks ago Charlie had started attending a mandatory training series designed to update the Chiefs of Police and the Sheriffs of Washington State on the developments and advances in matters of law enforcement equipment, self-defense tactics, firearms, legal changes, and my personal favorite – communications skills. The training took place on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Olympia and Charlie had apparently met this mystery woman during his lunch break the very first day. He wasn't willing to share any details other than that the woman was a bit younger than him, and that they had met for lunch every day he had his training and sometimes for coffee at the end of the day. I could see that he was obviously enamored by this woman, and I was happy for him. I had always hoped that my dad would one day really let go of Renée and allow himself to fall for someone else, and now it looked like that was happening. I couldn't think of someone more worthy than Charlie to experience love and happiness again, and the blush on his cheeks told me that he was falling hard.

After dinner we drove home; Renée and I both got our bags and she and Charlie headed to the airport as I climbed into my truck and drove towards La Push. My mind was racing and I felt utterly overwhelmed. I had so much to work through and I had no idea where to even begin. I knew that the conversation with the Cullens the next day was going to be emotional, and I needed to at least start to try to sort out how I felt about them. I knew that the love I felt for the whole family was still there, but it had taken a severe blow and I wasn't exactly sure if I was ready to face them, let myself be vulnerable again.

As far as Edward was concerned I was very conflicted. The pain from his lies and subsequent departure was still there, even though it was significantly less than it had been a few months ago. The thought that I had put my trust in him and truly believed that he loved me, even when it didn't seem to make sense to me, made me feel weak and pathetic. I was slightly surprised when I realized how much anger I felt towards him, and how every word he had said today seemed to grate on my nerves. I had never talked to Edward like I did today, but I sort of liked it. It felt good to say what was on my mind without holding anything back for fear of what he would think of me. It was a cathartic feeling, and it made me realize just how much of myself I had suppressed before to be accepted. If there was one thing that all of this had taught me, it was that if someone didn't like me for who I really was, then I was better off without them.

That being said, there was still a part of me that longed for Edward. I still loved him and seeing him again today had stirred those feeling up. I had many wonderful memories of us snuggling close to each other watching movies, having heated discussions on books and music, of him playing the piano and composing music especially for me, making me feel precious and cherished. The memories of his cold lips that seemed to light a fire in me were bittersweet. All the moments that I had tried so hard for so long to not think about came whirling down, and I felt my chest constrict as tears started to well up in my eyes.

I hastily pulled the truck up at the side of the road, leaned my head against the steering wheel and let it all out. I cried, cursed, yelled and sobbed until pure exhaustion pulled me out of my pity party. I reached for my bag, did a quick check in the rearview mirror and sent a swift thanks to Renée for insisting that I had to bring the make-up with me, and set to work to eliminate any trace of my crying fit. After a few minutes I had applied fresh eyeliner, mascara and lip-gloss and ran my fingers through my hair. Deciding that I looked okay, I took a deep breath and drove the rest of the way towards First Beach and the upcoming party.

When I pulled the car up I was met with the view of a small dance floor set up on the opposite side of the tables that had an abundant amount of food weighing them down, to the point where I was questioning if they were going to hold up or collapse under the weight. A little bit farther down the beach a massive bonfire had been prepared to be lit later on. A lot of people were mulling around and I saw quite a few of them eyeing the food, obviously waiting for the go-ahead to dig into the culinary delights Emily and I had prepared. Looking up behind the tables I saw five banners strung up between the trees. I took a closer look at them and saw that the top banner read 'Congratulations' and the four beneath them each had a name written on them. There was a banner for Paul, one for Jared, another for Leah and finally one for me. I couldn't believe that I had got my own banner and I felt a lump in my throat. I felt so loved and accepted and it was just what I needed after the day I had had.

"Ella, Ella" I saw Claire run up to me with her hands held high above her head. Laughing, I pulled her up and span us around, to her squealing amusement. I put her on my hip and quietly nuzzled her nose with mine; something that had become a ritual of sorts between us. She looked at me, put her hand on my cheek and said with a loving voice "Pwetty Ella."

"Aw, thank you sweetie, but you're the pretty one here." I said, earning a giggle from my little friend. Emily's cousin Claire and her mother had moved to La Push a few months ago after Claire's father had been killed in a car accident. Laura, Claire's mother, was very much like Emily; sweet, warm and caring and the whole community in La Push had taken the grief-stricken widow and her daughter under their wings and helped set them up with a nice little cottage, a job for Laura at the local grocery store and as much childcare as possible. Everyone doted on Claire and she had the whole pack wrapped around her little finger. It was absolutely hilarious and amazingly sweet to see the huge, strong shape-shifters wearing tiaras or sporting pink fingernails!

I had had never had much experience with children but Claire had carved out a substantial piece of my heart for herself, and I adored the little girl. She seemed to feel the same for me and we spent many hours playing, talking and singing songs together. She loved it when I read to her, and I constantly made visits to the library to find new books we could enjoy together.

I had never really considered having children of my own, and I had been almost indifferent to the fact that I wouldn't be able to have them if Edward had changed me. I recognized now just how naïve I been back then. I had just seen the fairy tale with the handsome prince and a love that would last literally forever. I had grown up a lot since then, and I had realized that I probably would like to have a child someday in the future.

I was pulled from my musings by Billy's voice calling for me. I gave Claire a peck on the cheek, put her back down on her feet and walked over to Billy, who looked a little worried.

"Hi Billy! Quite the set-up you've got going on here!" I said as I leaned down and gave him a hug.

"Hello Bella! Yes, it's something else isn't it? Everyone has worked hard to celebrate the four graduates!" Billy's eyes showed how proud he was of us, but they also told me that something else was brewing behind them.

"I would like to speak to you in private for a moment, Bella. Please come with me, we can head up the road a little bit, away from the crowd." As he said this he started to roll away and made it perfectly clear that this was a request, and I was meant to comply. Figuring it probably had something to do with the phone call he had gotten from Carlisle earlier, I took a deep breath and followed him up the road. I didn't know how many deep, calming breaths I had taken today, but I knew that I would need some other form of coping soon. I made a plan to find Jake as soon as possible and convince him that a quickie in the woods was a brilliant idea.

After a short walk Billy turned around and motioned for me to take a seat on a boulder next to the road so we were on eye level with each other. I silently sat down and waited anxiously to see what he would say.

"I understand that you might have had a surprise at your graduation today, Bella?" It sounded like he was questioning me about something and I felt rather uncomfortable.

"I assume you're referring to the Cullens being back?"

"Yes, I got an unexpected phone call from the head leech earlier informing me of their return." He looked at me intently, searching for something, and I started to get a little annoyed.

"Are you questioning if I knew that they would come back?"

"Well, the thought crossed my mind when the doctor started to talk about you."

"So you think I knew and that I kept it from you?" Offended, I glared at the man in front of me. "I thought we had put all that 'leech lover' crap behind us, and I honestly thought that you knew me better than that by now, Billy!" I could hear the hurt creep into my voice and I wondered what more this day would bring.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should never have questioned you for even a minute. I do know you better than that." He had the decency to look a little sheepish. "I guess I just got caught off guard with the phone call and all of the old concerns came back. I just don't want to see you get hurt again, and I also have an obligation to this tribe that I don't take lightly. You know that I consider you a part of us now, and I feel a compulsion to make sure that you're taken care of. I know how much you loved them and I saw what they did to you when they left. I don't want to see you or Charlie going through something like that ever again. You are family, Bells, and I'm trying to look out for you in my own way. I'm so sorry for insulting you honey, that was never my intention." Billy looked at me with so much love and apology in his eyes that it made my heart clench. I launched myself over to him and quietly sobbed a little into his neck while he patted me on the back.

Straightening myself back up, I dried my eyes, thankful that the tears hadn't actually fallen this time. I sat back on the boulder and looked Billy straight in the eyes.

"Thank you, Billy. I appreciate your concern and I love you too, old man." I winked at him and he chuckled lightly.

"Seriously though, I had no idea that the Cullens were back and it was quite the shock to see them at the graduation. I'm wondering, though, how you kept Jake away? He had a hard time accepting that he couldn't come to see me graduate and I would think that knowing the Cullens were going to be there he would have stopped at nothing to get there himself." This thought had been in my mind ever since Carlisle told me that he had spoken with Billy earlier today.

"You're absolutely right, I don't even think an Alpha order could have kept Jake away if he knew the leeches were back! Hell I don't think there's a single pack member who wouldn't be there if they knew! They all love you and are ferociously protective of you."

"Wait, are you telling me that they don't know? You haven't told them? Not even Sam?" I was astounded by the idea of Billy keeping this from the pack!

"No, I have not told them yet. I spoke with the other elders and we agreed that we would not inform the pack later until later for a couple of different reasons. We knew that they would be upset and worried about you when they found out, and that they would most likely have crashed your graduation and possibly started something that the vampires would consider a threat. You have to remember that the pack is still relatively new, and they have only been in contact with the human-drinking kind of vampires. They have not had the practice of taming their natural instincts around 'the vegetarians' as you call them, and we were worried that this, combined with their fierce love for you and their hatred towards the Cullens for what they did to you, would end up exposing us or threaten the treaty."

"We also simply wanted Paul, Jared and Leah to enjoy their graduation and not miss out on yet another thing because of vampires. Being shape-shifters is sometimes a huge burden and each and every one have to sacrifice a lot and miss out on many things in life, and we wanted them to have this day. Since we knew that you have come into your own this year and that the Cullens were no threat to you, we believed that you would be able to handle yourself."

Wow, that made a lot of sense and I found that I now had even more to mull over. My head was going to explode by the end of the day if things didn't quiet down soon.

"I understand where you're coming from, Billy, and I thank you for the vote of confidence in me! So when are you going to tell them?" Please say tomorrow. Please say tomorrow. Please…

"We're going to wait until the party dies down a little and then pull the pack aside and tell them. I hope you'll be there to tell us what happened when you met them again?"

Fuck! This day keeps getting better and better…

"Sure, I'll be there." I grumbled out. "Right now though I just want to join the party and relax for a little while if there's nothing else you want to talk about?" I asked, pleading with both my voice and my eyes. I was not above begging at the moment.

"No, that's all, Bella. You go on and enjoy your party! I know Jake was waiting anxiously for you and he's probably wondering where you are."

"Okay, do you need help getting back?"

"I'm fine, Bells, but thank you for asking. Go along, relax and have fun!"

I quickly got up from the boulder and took off in a near sprint back to the party site. The tension of the day made my body restless and tense and I desperately needed to find Jake. There was no better way to release tension than sex, and I knew that Jake was always willing to help out!

My eyes scanned the crowd and found Jake talking to Quil and a girl I didn't recognize. I started to make my way over to them, and Jake turned towards with me a huge smile and practically yelled out; "Congrats, Bella! It's about time you made it, we've been waiting for you!"

He quickly took a couple of long strides, closed the distance between us and wrapped me up in one of his infamous bear hugs. As soon as he had me in his arms, though, I could feel him tense up and a low growl started deep in his chest.

"What's wrong, Jake?" I asked as his arms started to shake.

"What's wrong? Are you kidding me, Bella?" The shaking got worse and he set me back down on my feet before taking a few steps back to try to compose himself. Quil came and laid his hand on Jake's shoulder, looking confused.

"Jake man, what the hell are you…?" Quil's head suddenly snapped up towards me and his eyes widened.

"Bella and I are going to talk a walk. Tell Sam." Jake ordered Quil while giving him a look and gesturing towards the girl that stood watching us with confusion visibly written on her face. I was right there with her but I also felt a little irritated by the situation. It was clear that Jake wasn't just ordering me and Quil around but also telling Quil what to do with the girl, and I felt my usual ire at being bossed around without any sort of explanation.

I had no idea what was going on with Jake, but it certainly didn't look like he wanted to take me into the woods for that quickie I desperately wanted. I wondered if he could smell how much I needed him. He had told me several times before that he could smell my arousal and, come to think of it, Quil seemed confused by Jake's behavior until he got close enough to sniff me. But why would Jake react like this? Was he angry that I wanted to fuck him instead of joining the party? That didn't make sense; Jake was always up for sex.

"Jake, I'm just going to go over and see if Emily needs…" I started but Jake cut me a glare that told me to shut the hell up and come with him. I knew it was childish, but I felt the need to assert myself and started to walk towards the food-laden tables. I felt mentally exhausted and I just wanted to unwind for a while before the drama of the day started up again.

Jake, however, wouldn't have any of it and grabbed my arm before he started to haul me into the wooded area to the left of the party site.

"What the hell, Jake? Why are manhandling me like this? It's supposed to be a celebration and you're yanking me away huffing and puffing!" I had done the unthinkable today and stood up to Edward, and I was damn sure not going to cower down in front of Jake!

"It's fucking hard to keep celebrating when you come strolling in reeking like that!" Jake spat out, as he dropped my arm and took a couple of steps away from me. I felt absolutely humiliated, hurt and angry at the same time. I reeked?

"That's real nice Jacob! Thanks very much! I'm sorry that I'm hurting your sensitive sense of smell but I just wanted to start our weekend a little early. I didn't realize that you were lying all the times before when you told me how good I smelled, but I'll try really hard to never bother you in that way again!" I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes again, and I turned to walk away from my best friend whom I clearly didn't know as well as I thought.

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about, Bella?" Jake ran up to me, looking confused.

"What do you mean, what am I talking about? You were the one that said I was reeking!"

"Yes, you stink Bella. But…" I quickly cut him off, I didn't need him to rub it in.

"Well you don't have to worry any longer because I'm definitely not feeling turned on anymore!"

"Turned on? What…?" Jake suddenly started to smile and my indignation grew to epic proportions. It wasn't enough to insult me, now he had to laugh at me too?

"Honey, I think you misunderstood me." Jake said, still smiling.

"Oh really, how exactly did I misunderstand your statement about me stinking? Did I imagine that, huh?"

"No, but I wasn't talking about _your_ smell. I was talking about the stench of leech all over you." Jake looked sternly at me.

"Oh."

"Mm hm. Mind explaining, Bells? Why you smell of bloodsuckers?"

The thought that he could smell vampires on me had never even crossed my mind, and now I felt extremely silly. I also realized that I would have to have the 'the Cullens are back' conversation a lot earlier than planned.

"Um, because I hugged one?" Somehow my answer came out sounding like a question and I could see the anger returning to Jake.

"You _hugged_ one? What the fuck, Bella! You go around _hugging_ vampires now?" Jake looked incredulously at me, and I heard just how ridiculous this whole conversation was and I busted out laughing.

"I'm sorry…I just…" My laughter had turned slightly hysterical and the look on Jake's face was not helping at all. He clearly thought I had lost my mind and was now contemplating what to do with the mentally ill pale face in front of him.

"Bella, what the hell is going on with you?"

"Give me a minute." I panted out and tried really hard to compose myself. Some of the tension of the day had evaporated with my case of hysterics, and I actually felt a little bit better. With that in mind I took the fifth hundred deep breath of the day and steeled myself to answer Jake's questions.

"Okay, I'm fine now."

"You're fine now? Great! You tell me you've been hugging a vampire, then you break down in a crazy laughing fit and now you expect me to believe you're fine?"

"I'm sorry, Jacob, it's been a really crazy day and I promise I'll answer all of your questions. Okay?"

"Okay. Start with the obvious: you were _hugging_ a vampire!" Jake ground out while taking a deep breath of his own. Someone should really re-name this day 'deep breathing day'.

"The vampire I gave a hug was Jasper. It turns out that the Cullens are back in Forks and they were present at my graduation." I cringed a little awaiting Jake's reaction.

"What? The Cullens are back? What the hell for? Are they all here? How long are they staying? Why the hell were you hugging them? Have you forgotten what they did to you? I thought you had changed, Bella. Are you going to take that fucking leech back just like that? Fucking hell…I don't need this right now!" Jake was pacing back and forth spitting out question after question. His reaction was pretty much as I expected, but his last statement pissed me off.

"You don't need this? What the hell Jacob? This isn't about you! Thanks for being concerned about me and inquiring how I'm doing! You're such a great friend!" I spat out sarcastically, and by the sheepish look on Jake's face it looked like I got my point across.

"Bella, I'm sorry. You're right, this isn't about me even though it affects me too. How are you?" He pulled me into his arms and gave me a warm hug while obviously trying not to breathe.

"Do I really smell so bad to you?" I didn't understand. All vampires smelled good; Edward had explained to me that it was part of their allure.

"You really do, honey. I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time being near you without gagging right now."

"Gagging? I don't get it!" I said sniffing at my shirt where I could smell the warm, comforting smell of Jake and something else that smelled like…heaven was the best way to explain it. I realized that it was Jasper's scent and that I had never smelled anything like it. It made me feel relaxed, at peace, excited and a whole other flurry of emotions that I didn't have time to identify at the moment.

"Bloodsuckers stink, Bella. They smell like bleach mixed with the sickliest sweet thing you could possibly imagine. It's incredibly nasty. But stop getting me side-tracked! Tell me about the Cullens being back!"

Sighing, I gracelessly plopped down on the ground, crossing my legs in front of me. The previous emotional fatigue came over me again and I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle having this discussion with Jacob right now and then again with the pack later.

"Jake, I know that I promised you answers and I will deliver, but can you please do me a huge favor?"

"What?"

"Can you let me have a couple of hours of peace and relaxation? Can we postpone this talk and have it with the whole pack later tonight? Please, Jake, I just need to forget everything for a while and simply enjoy my graduation party like a normal girl. Please?" I hated how pleading I sounded, but I truly needed break and I was desperately hoping that Jake would understand.

After some more pacing and mumbling, Jake finally sighed and sat down next to me. He took one of my hands in between both of his and gave me a look that clearly communicated that he was going to comply with my wishes but he was not happy about it.

"Okay, I'll go along with you, Bella. Even if you'll never be a 'normal' girl you still deserve to have fun at your graduation party." He smirked with the little jab at me.

"Hey! I am too normal! You're the one that grows fur and runs around in the woods pissing against trees!"

"Yeah, you're real normal, Bells, hanging out with vampires and werewolves!" Jake snorted out and I felt a deep sense of relief that we were joking around like we normally did. Maybe there was a chance to turn 'deep breathing day' around and have some actual fun after all?

"But make no mistake, Bells; we _will_ talk about it later and you will answer every question I have without complaining about it!"

Maybe the day was too far gone to be salvaged after all…

"If you don't want the pack to question you until later, you better go take a shower and change your clothes. I should probably do the same since some of the stench rubbed off on me when I hugged you."

I chose to ignore his comment about 'the stench' and started thinking about the prospect of taking a shower together with Jacob. I jumped to my feet and started to make my way back to my truck to retrieve my bag, but Jake had other plans. He would go get my bag and try to discreetly pull Quil and Sam aside to tell them to be quiet about the fact that I smelled like vampire, and then he would meet me at his house.

The walk over to the Black's house was a welcome opportunity for me to start the process of pushing all of the overwhelming thoughts and emotions back in order to focus on having fun. I was determined to have a good time and I'd be damned if I were going to let vampires and werewolves ruin the amazing party that I was fortunate enough to be a part of.

I started imagining Jake in the shower. Pearls of water running down his chiseled chest towards the delicious V-shape that led to the part of his body that made me almost whimper with need.

By the time I reached the little, familiar house that was like a second home to me I was dripping wet. I quickly went into Jake's bedroom, stripped my clothes off and prayed that he would get here before I spontaneously combusted from my fantasies.

"Bells, I'm here! I'll put your bag in the bathroom for you." Why would he do that? Whenever Billy wasn't home we always got changed in his bedroom instead of in the small bathroom.

"Jake, I'm in your bedroom! Bring my bag here!" I yelled out to him impatiently waiting for him to take care of the aching need between my legs.

"Okay, here you go, Be…" He abruptly shut up when he saw me standing buck naked in front of him. I smiled and closed the distance between us, running my hands up his chest to pull his head down for a kiss. Jake took my wrists in his hand, took a step back and averted his eyes.

"No, Bells."

"Okay okay, I get it; I stink. Well let's get in the shower then so you can wash the smell off me!"

Jake let go of my wrists but instead of taking his clothes off he sat down on the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head planted firmly in his hands. He looked like he had the whole world on his shoulders and I wondered if Quil and Sam had given him a hard time about my refusal to talk until later. I felt a little bad about it but my physical needs were too strong at the moment to really be bothered by it.

"Come on Jake. We agreed that we would relax and have fun for a while. Don't let anything that Sam or Quil said get to you! Take your clothes off and I'll make you forget everything, I promise!" Apparently I wasn't above begging for sex now…

"Bells, I'm so sorry." Jake croaked, sounding like he was on the edge of tears. I started to feel a little frightened; something bad must have happened. I put my shirt back on because I didn't want to receive bad news stark naked. Kneeling down in front of Jake I pushed his head back and forced him to look me in the eyes.

"Jake, what's wrong? You're scaring me here! Talk to me!"

"I was trying to let you relax and have fun so I wasn't going to tell you until later, but then I come home to find you like this and I can't…" He trailed off and looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. I knew him well enough to realize that whatever it was he was going to tell me, he thought that it would hurt me and that thought was hurting him.

"It's okay Jake, just spit it out. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it! You and me, remember?" We had been through so much that I was confident we could handle almost anything. We were a team, Jake and me, and as long as we stuck together nothing could bring us down.

He took deep breath, looked straight into my eyes and said the two words that effectively broke our team up:

"I imprinted."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks as usual to my beautiful beta Stitch_cat for making sure every comma is in the right place. Thanks also to Verseseven and KristALchelle for all of your support – it means the world to me! I dedicate this chapter, known as chapter OMFG, to you Krista! Love you sweetie!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

**BPOV**

My mind went completely blank for a moment before a torrent of thoughts began swirling around. Jake had imprinted. I had always known that this day would come and it was the reason why I refused to let our relationship to progress the way Jake had wanted, but now that it was a reality I found that it still hurt. It wasn't that I was in love with Jake, but I was used to us being together and I was scared that I was going to lose him completely. What would this mean to our friendship? Would we still be able to hang out? Was he still going to care about me? We obviously were not going to have sex again. Oh God, I had stood naked before him practically begging him to fuck me, and he had turned me down! The mortification would have brought me to my knees if I hadn't already been on them. I felt my cheeks heat up and recognized that I was blushing. I hardly ever blushed anymore, and it was not a sensation I had been missing.

Trying to push the humiliation away I suddenly grasped that the end of our sex life meant that I had lost my much needed conduit for release and I was not sure how I was going to handle that. Sex had become such a big part of my life, and it had brought on so many positive changes in me that the thought of not having any more scared me like hell. What was I going to do now? I felt completely lost.

"Bella, please say something." Jake's voice broke through my thoughts and I realized that I was not only being absolutely ridiculous but also extremely self-involved. This was supposed to be a good thing; Jake had found his soul mate. That should be celebrated and here I was wallowing in what it would mean for my sex life!

"I'm sorry, Jake! I guess you just took me by surprise and my mind had to play catch-up for a bit, but now I'm here and I'm so happy for you!" I threw my arms around his neck and tried to convey all the love I felt for him and how sorry I was for being such a selfish friend.

"Why are you apologizing, Bells? You were right all along when you said that I would imprint one day. I just didn't believe it, and now it's happened and I don't know what to do!" He sounded so sad and insecure that it made my heart clench.

"What do you mean 'you don't know what to do'? Don't tell me you're shy all of a sudden? You've always been confident in your ability to charm anyone and this is your soul mate we're talking about. She'll be looking adoringly at you in no time!" A look of hope came into his eyes before the sadness returned.

"I didn't mean I don't know what to do about her, I was talking about us, Bella; you and me. I promised you once that I would never hurt you and I just don't seem to be able to keep that promise!" Frustration was pouring out of him and I knew I had to scramble to set him straight before he beat himself up too much.

"Jake, listen to me." I urged, taking his hands to stop him from tearing out his hair.

"You haven't hurt me. I admit it was a shock and I felt fear that I was going to lose you, but then I realized that we will always be friends. We've known each other since we were kids and we've been through more stuff together than most people can even imagine. We may have been sleeping together for the last few months, but primarily we are friends. We're family, Jake and all I want for you is to be happy. I'm not hurt, just feeling a little lost; we have to redefine our relationship now that you've found the love of your life."

My voice was strong and I sounded very confident, and in a way I was. I believed everything I had just said, but a small part of me couldn't help but wonder if Jake even wanted to have a relationship with me anymore. Would returning to being friends without benefits be awkward, and what would his imprint think of me? What if she was the jealous type? I knew that the wolf would pretty much be whatever the imprint needed; what if what Jake's imprint needed was for him to cut all ties with me?

"I love you, Bella! Thank you for being so great about this." Jake's words soothed my insecurities a little and I decided to stop speculating about what ifs.

"Love you too, Jake! Now let's shower so I can start partying sometime this year! Separate showers of course!" I pouted at him and laughingly made my way towards the bathroom with my bag. Jake ran past me, swatted me on my ass and exclaimed that he was going first!

"Like hell you are! I need more time than you after the shower, blowing my hair and fixing my make-up so it makes no sense in you showering first. You'll only end up having to wait even longer for me." I tried to push him away from the bathroom door but of course I couldn't move him without a forklift. Stupid werewolf!

"But, Bells, I want to get this stench off of me." He whined like a little child and I knew I had to change tactics.

"Jake, is the girl you imprinted on at the party?"

"Yes, and I want to get back there!" I ignored his impatience and continued with my questioning.

"Are you planning on introducing me to her?"

"Of course I am. I want you to meet each other. You don't think I would try to hide anything about you, do you?" He sounded so small that I almost gave up on my strategy. Almost.

"Do you already know each other or did you just meet?"

"She's Kim's cousin, but I've never met her before today." He got a dreamy look in his eyes when he talked about her, and my heart went out to him. I would not relent though and proceeded with quiet determination.

"So you're basically strangers then? She doesn't know you at all?"

"No, she doesn't know me. Yet."

"Then I'm sure she would get a good idea of what kind of a man you are when I tell her that you kept me away from my own graduation party longer than necessary simply because your delicate little nose was bothering you!" The look on Jake's face was priceless. He looked absolutely horrified and I had to fight very hard to hold my poker face.

"What? No, you can't tell her that! She'll think I'm a jerk and a wuss!"

"Well if you step aside and let me shower first I don't have to tell her that, do I?"

The lights finally went on and he realized that I had set him up. He narrowed his eyes at me and I couldn't contain my laughter anymore.

"You evil, conniving woman!"

"I guess I've found your new Achilles heel, huh?" I chortled, feeling immensely proud of myself. Jake just shook his head in defeat, stepped aside and gestured for me to get in the bathroom. I skipped forward, shooting him a triumphant look over my shoulder and started the process of removing any unwanted odors from my body.

A few hours later I was feeling extremely relaxed and a little tipsy. Old Quil had brought his 'special occasion brew' and Billy had pretended not to see me when I got my glass refilled. I had finally been able to more or less put all of the events of the day in the back of my head, and if I pretended hard enough I could almost ignore the dread I felt when my mind slipped and I accidentally thought about what lay ahead of me. Jake had kept his word and the pack was blissfully unaware of the Cullens return. Quil and Sam kept shooting me questioning glances but thankfully they stayed quiet.

The girl that had been talking with Jake and Quil when I arrived turned out to be Jake's imprint. Her name was Melissa, she was the same age as Jake and she seemed to be really sweet. Jake had spent most of the party getting to know her and I could see that he was definitely affecting her. She was blushing a lot, constantly laughing at his jokes, and as the evening went on she scooted closer and closer to him. I noticed that she seemed to be slightly uncomfortable around me and I didn't want to infringe too much on their time together so I hadn't spent that much time with her. I figured that once she got to know Jake and learned about the wolves we would have time to hopefully become friends.

The sun had gone down a couple of hours ago, the food was gone and most of the people were starting to make their way home. Laura gently pulled Claire up from my lap where she had fallen asleep a while ago, and I realized that my few precious stress-free hours were running out and the inevitable talk with the pack was fast approaching. I really didn't know what to make of everything that had happened today. I felt extremely messed-up and couldn't for the life of me figure out why the Cullens were back in Forks. The way they had looked at me like they had missed me and were happy to see me had thrown me for a loop, and I had surprised myself with my reactions to them.

The most surprising thing had been my reaction to Edward. When I first saw him at the graduation the hole in my chest instantly flared up and I longed for him to hold me and love me again. I had to force myself to remember that he didn't want me anymore, and probably never had. I was just a distraction; a temporary amusement in a long and tedious existence. But then when he had spoken to me and looked at me with all of those emotions in his eyes I got very confused and started to question everything.

My reaction to Jasper was also very unexpected and I didn't quite know what to make of it. Not counting the trip to Phoenix when James was after me, I hadn't actually spent any time with Jasper. Edward and Alice had always made sure that we were kept apart out of concern for my safety, and I had definitely never been as close to him as I was today. I knew that since becoming sexually active I looked at guys differently, and maybe I just didn't see how extremely attractive Jasper was with my once 'virgin-tinted' eyesight and now I could appreciate the sexy specimen before me on a whole new level. That didn't explain my physical reaction to him though. I had seen plenty of hot guys lately but none of them had made me feel the way Jasper did. Not sure why I was thinking about Jasper anyway, I came to the conclusion that my sudden attraction to him was a result of my proximity to his 'lure'.

What threw me for a loop more than anything, however, was the anger I felt towards not only Edward but the whole Cullen family. The love I felt for all of them was still there and that infuriated me. Why the hell would I still care about the people that lied to me and left me behind without a second thought? The love I harbored for them made me feel weak and it was a feeling I hated more than anything. It was much easier to focus on my anger; it empowered me and reminded me that I was not a helpless, naïve child anymore. I was a strong, confident woman who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, and if anyone had a problem with that I had a pack of wolves to protect me! Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite as strong or as confident as I wish I was, but I had come a long fucking way during the last year and I was determined to not let anyone, vampire, wolf or human tear me down again.

My internal pep talk was suddenly cut short by two hot hands grabbing my waist and hoisting me up in the air. I landed butt up in the air on someone's shoulder and was being carried fireman style towards the remaining bonfire. I screamed, cursed and kicked the person carrying me, realizing that it was Paul when I heard and felt him chuckle at my feeble attempts to get down. I knew I had to change tactics to get him to put me down.

"Hey Benji, you know that I've been drinking Old Quil's special brew tonight, right?"

"Yeah, we all have. So what?"

"You know how strong that shit is? Hell even you wolves with your freakishly-high metabolisms get affected by it!"

"Yeah, but we have to drink a hell of a lot more than you, short stuff, to feel it. Do you really think I'm drunk enough to drop you on your head or something?" Paul scoffed, sounding like I had just insulted his manhood or something.

"No, I don't think you would drop me on my head, Paul. But since you know that I've been drinking and you know how strong that stuff is, do you really think that me swinging back and forth here with my head down is such a good idea?" I asked in my most innocent voice. Paul abruptly stopped and I knew he was slowly catching on to what I was talking about. He didn't put me down though, and I just knew that the jerk was tempted to keep going. He was always fascinated by the fact that I never got sick, even when I was really drunk, and now he thought that he had a chance to humiliate me and he loved it. It was time to go in for the kill.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing that you don't have a shirt on, Goofy. Less laundry and you can just hop in the ocean like a good dog and shake the vomit off of your back!"

"Don't you fucking dare throw up on me!" Paul growled and unceremoniously dumped me in the sand to the sounds of the pack howling with laughter.

"Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face _Goofy_!" Quil snickered and handed me a fresh cup of his grandfather's magic stuff.

"I thought you might need some liquid courage." He gave me a knowing look and I was grateful for the small sign of support.

After Paul had finished grunting everyone settled down and took their seats around the bonfire. I saw Billy taking a deep breath and preparing himself for regaling the latest news. 'Deep breath day' seemed to be catching on already!

To say that the meeting went well would be like saying Leah was a sweetheart and Paul was a monk. The pack was definitely not happy with the news that the Cullens were back, and the fact that the elders had kept it from them the entire day caused a lot of yelling and cursing. When they realized that the Cullens had been at my graduation ceremony and that I had spoken with them, I thought that Paul and Leah would storm off and show the vampires exactly what the wolves were capable of.

After Sam had ordered everyone to calm down, Paul and Leah had both been very concerned with how I felt about having 'my leeches' back. I knew how protective Paul was of me so I was not surprised by his reaction, but Leah's reaction stunned me slightly. I knew that we had a lot in common when it came to heartache and loss, and she had been the one next to Jake and Paul who had been adamant that I needed to toughen up. I had crowned her my personal bitch-coach and she had taken the responsibility very seriously, but I hadn't realized that she actually liked me and was willing to fight for me.

The willingness to fight for me quickly turned into fighting with me, though, when I informed them that I would be going over to see the Cullens in the morning. It was apparently an extremely stupid idea and if they had to they would tie me down to keep me at the reservation. I told them that I didn't particularly want to see the Cullens but that I needed to talk to them to hopefully get some questions answered. After a great deal of quarreling and me reminding them that I had my own free will, the dispute changed into who I would be bringing with me. At first it was suggested that the whole pack was going, with the exception of Collin and Brady who would stay behind to protect the res. I didn't want anyone but me to go and I absolutely refused to show up with a pack of eight wolves at the Cullens doorstep! They were all being ridiculous and they refused to listen to reason.

After a lot of arguing and some more of Old Quil's heavenly concoction we finally reached a compromise; Paul and Leah would come with me but they would stay out of the way and not interfere unless I was in danger. Jake was feeling extremely torn between wanting to be there for me and the need he felt to protect his imprint. In the end I managed to convince him that he should stay back and spend time with Melissa. I really didn't want Jake showing Edward anything about the state I had been in those first months after my birthday. No need to prove how pathetic and weak the little human was.

I made Billy call Carlisle and tell him that two wolves would be accompanying me so it wouldn't come as a surprise when we showed up. Paul ran and got my bag from Jake's, because somehow it had been decided that I would spend the night at Paul's house instead. I didn't really know why but I couldn't find it in me to care. I sighed in relief when Paul opened the front door and we stepped into his quiet, peaceful house. Finally this endless day was over!

"Just so you know squirt, we're traveling wolf-style tomorrow."

"Both of you?" I had assumed that one would run in wolf form and the other would ride in the truck with me.

"Yes both of us, and you're riding on my back." Paul informed me matter-of-factly.

"Are you crazy? I'm taking my truck! It's fucked-up enough having to bring you and Leah; I'm not showing up there riding a fucking wolf!"

"Damn right you will! If something happens I need to be able to get you out of there fast without you worrying about your fucking truck! Now you're going to shut your mouth and do as you're told for once in your life!" He demanded and I saw red!

"What the hell is wrong with you? I've had enough of this 'I am wolf. Hear me roar' bullshit that you've been spewing for the last couple of hours! I may not be some strong supernatural creature like you but that doesn't mean I'm going to shut my mouth and blindly follow your orders!" I was absolutely furious and I could feel the emotional upheaval of the day come crashing down on me. I suddenly felt like I would explode from all of the pent-up emotions that I had suppressed all day, and I advanced on Paul.

"I'm so fucking tired of this shit! I just want to go to bed and forget about this day, but you had to be your usual sadistic self and decide that Bella hasn't been tortured enough today! Well fuck you!" I was pounding my fists on Paul's chest and angry tears were running down my cheeks. Paul looked down on me with an expression that I could not read. I continued to yell and fight until he grabbed my wrists and locked them behind my back, presumably so I wouldn't hurt myself on his stupid, supernaturally strong body.

He pulled me up really close and through gritted teeth snarled out; "I would advise you to calm the fuck down or I'm going to show you the best way to forget about a crappy day!"

"What are you talking abo..." Paul suddenly crushed his lips to mine, effectively shutting me up. For a few seconds I was too shocked to react but then the heat of his lips registered with me and sent shivers down my spine. His tongue was demanding entrance and I found myself allowing him in. The passion of his kiss and the way he was exploring my mouth made me weak in the knees. He shifted his hands and held my wrists in just the left one, leaving the right to travel up my back and ending up tangled in my hair. I was trapped in his embrace and it was seriously turning me on.

I started gasping for air and Paul ended the kiss only to trail kisses along my jawline and down my neck. He was kissing, licking and nipping and it was driving me absolutely insane. I could feel my panties getting wet and when his tongue circled the hollow between my collarbones I heard myself let out an embarrassingly loud moan. Paul's lips curled up into a smile against my skin before they traveled up to my lips again. He was teasing me now; sucking on my bottom lip, slowly pushing his tongue into my mouth, tasting me, caressing my tongue. I wanted more and desperately tried to free my hands so I could touch him.

He pulled his head back and searchingly looked me in the eyes. I saw him take a deep breath, his nostrils flared and his eyes darkened. I realized that he could smell the effect he had on my body. He pulled me even closer and now I could feel the effect I had on him against my stomach. God I love werewolf genes!

"Bella…" Paul breathed out and then his glorious lips were back against mine. He finally released my wrists and I quickly pushed my hands up trying to get a hold of his short hair, frantically forcing him impossibly closer to me. It felt like my whole body was on fire and Paul was the only one who would be able to put it out.

He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his hips, feeling his erection grind against my core with every step he took. My back was suddenly against the wall and Paul's lips were again traveling down my neck. I ran my fingers across his broad back enjoying the feel of his muscles underneath his smooth skin. His hands found their way along my sides and then they roughly cupped my breasts. His thumbs teased my nipples through my clothes and I was hungry for skin-on-skin contact. I reached down intending to pull my shirt off when Paul froze. He put his forehead against mine, closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

"Bella, if we don't stop now I'm not going to be able to."

"I don't want to stop." I said in a surprisingly raspy voice. Paul pulled his head back, looked me in the eyes and smiled wickedly.

"Are you sure of that babe? You don't know what you're getting yourself into!" God, his low husky voice made my head spin.

"Why? What are you going to do to me?" I bit down on his neck and then ran my tongue soothingly across the bite, relishing in the deep growl it earned me.

"First I'm going to tear your clothes off so I can get a good look at that sexy body of yours. Then I'm going to touch, kiss and lick you everywhere. And I do mean everywhere! I'm going to spend some extra time on those luscious breasts of yours before I bury my fingers in your wet pussy." The heat of his intense stare and the slowly spoken words had me panting with want.

"Mmm." Was all I managed to moan out. Paul ran his tongue up the side of my neck, tugged my earlobe in between his teeth and whispered in my ear "Then I'm going to lick, suck and tease your clit while I fuck you with my fingers til' you're begging me to let you cum."

"Ungh, Paul…" Fuck, I had no idea dirty talk was so…hot! I wanted him to tell me more but at the same time I was desperate for him to actually do those things he was talking about.

"If I feel generous I might let you cum before I bend you over and ram my cock into your throbbing pussy. I'm going to fuck you so hard you will forget everything except my name, which you'll be screaming at the top of your lungs when you cum and cum and cum…" His lips came crashing back to mine and our tongues fought for dominance, which I quickly gave to this amazingly sexy man I was definitely going to fuck tonight!

"Last chance, Bella; tell me what to do!" Paul grunted out. "Do I stop or not?" Stop? Was he crazy?

"Please…" I panted out, desperate for him to continue. I looked him deep in the eyes and cleared my head enough to form words. "Don't stop! Fuck me Paul! Make me forget."

Next thing I knew we were flying down the hall, and then I was laying on my back in a bed and my shirt had somehow magically disappeared. Paul was hovering above me, pulling the straps of my bra down and running his tongue over the swell of my breasts. I arched my back encouraging him to open the clasp and take the damn thing off. He chuckled lightly but complied with my wishes.

"Fuck Bella, you're hot!" Paul gave my breasts one last smoldering look before he dove down, pulling one nipple into his mouth and working the other one with his fingers. I felt him alternating between light licks, hard sucking and gentle bites on my right breast and tugging, twisting and caressing my left one. He was driving me absolutely crazy and the fire in my body was raging. I was moaning and writhing, lost in the pleasures he was bringing me. Was it possible to orgasm just from having your nipples manipulated? I didn't have the chance to find out because Paul's hands and mouth were slowly traveling south and I shuddered at the feeling of cool air against my erect nipples.

The tip of his tongue circled my bellybutton and I trembled with anticipation when I felt him pop the button on my jeans open. He made quick work of removing my pants and my underwear and sat up on his knees looking over my naked form. Just when I was starting to feel a little self-conscious he scooted down and began kissing my ankles. His lips and tongue explored every inch of skin on my legs and every time he got close to my center I held my breath only to groan with annoyance when he trailed off towards my hipbones.

"Paul…"

"Mm hmm" He kept his mouth on my inner thigh and the vibrations against my sensitive skin only added to my frustrations.

"Please…"

"Mm, I love it when you beg." By this time I was willing to do whatever it took to end the sweet torture and if begging was what he wanted then so be it. "Paul… please… oh… please… mm… oh god…" He suddenly thrust his tongue into me and I could have cried at the relief of finally getting some friction.

"Fuck babe, you taste incredible!"

Paul's tongue was magical. He was teasing me close to my entrance and then suddenly plunged inside me. He made slow circles around my clit and every once in a while made the pass over the clit instead of going around it. I was madly thrashing around trying to get him where I wanted.

He threw an arm around my hips and effectively pinned me to the bed. "If you can't keep still then I'm going to make you," he growled out inserting two fingers into me. "You taste so fucking good, Bella! I've never tasted anything like it and I don't intend to let anything go to waste." He sounded absolutely animalistic and began licking and sucking my clit with a ferocity that made my head spin.

"Ungh" I had lost all ability to form words and was panting and moaning like crazy. I felt my stomach tightening and knew that I was getting close. So close… Paul suddenly curled his fingers and started moving them increasingly faster and faster hitting places I never knew I had. I was climbing higher and higher towards what would definitely be the most mind-blowing orgasm ever when I started to feel like I needed to pee. What the hell kind of timing was that? Stupid bladder had to make itself known now?

"Paul…" I tried pushing his head away but he just growled and kept going. I really didn't want to pee all over him and I was getting desperate. "Paul stop, I've got to go."

His head snapped up and he looked at me incredulously. "What the hell are you talking about? Go where?" His fingers didn't stop working me though and it was getting harder and harder to hold on.

"Um…I have to pee…" I squeaked, feeling embarrassed. I expected Paul to jump away from me but instead he smirked and kissed my inner thigh. "Do you trust me Bella?"

What? What did that have to do with anything? Of course I trusted him, but I wasn't willing to be part of some kinky kind of sex that involved peeing. He must have seen my confused look because he smiled and slowed his fingers down. "Babe, trust me. You're not going to pee. Just relax and let yourself go." He gave me an encouraging nod and resumed his ministrations.

Okay, relax… Hmm, maybe I can do that… Mmm… Oh God that felt good… Holy shit, what's he doing to me? I was on fire from the inside out and every part of my body started tingling. I felt my toes curling and my hands were frantically pulling at the sheet trying to find something to hold on to. My legs started shaking and I was tossing my head from side to side. Every cell of my body was alive and vibrating and it was too much. Too intense. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Let go. Cum for me Bella!" Paul ordered and I exploded. Literally. I felt fluid shooting out of me and my whole body was alight. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and I swear I saw fireworks go off behind my eyelids. I had never felt anything like it. I was panting heavily and finally started to come back down to earth. The fire receded and I started trembling. I felt my throat constrict and suddenly I started to cry. Paul moved up beside me and pulled me into his arms. I couldn't stop sobbing. I was absolutely overwhelmed and the only way to let all the emotions out seemed to be to cry.

Paul just held me and occasionally whispered soothing words of comfort. I didn't understand what was going on but I was so grateful that Paul didn't seem to be freaking out about the crazy girl in his arms.

After a while my sobs quieted down and I looked up into Paul's warm eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."

"It's okay, Bella. You needed to let it all out."

"It was just so intense and… I've never felt anything like that. What was that?"

"You squirted babe." Paul said looking very smug. Squirted? I had heard the name but I didn't even know that it was a real thing. I definitely never thought that I was capable of doing it. One thing's for sure; it was the most powerful thing I've ever experienced and I couldn't even be upset with Paul for being so smug. Hell, he should be proud of himself! Those were some mad skills he had there.

"You okay?" The smug look had disappeared and now he looked worried. Huh, I had probably zoned out a little there.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Actually I feel great." I reassured him while slowly stretching my body to see if I could still move everything. It felt like my insides had turned to jello and I was still feeling small after-shocks from that earth-shattering orgasm I just had. I heard Paul groan silently and when I turned my head to look at him I found him staring at my stretching body with dark, smoldering eyes. And just like that I started feeling aroused again. The thought of Paul being turned on by me was quite empowering, and the obvious tent in his shorts was extremely enticing.

"Why do you still have clothes on Paul?" I asked pulling my lower lip in between my teeth and trailing my fingers over his pecs towards his amazing abs. With a growl Paul tore his shorts off and flipped me over so I was laying on my back. He grabbed my wrists and held my arms over my head. His lips came crashing down on mine and sweet Jesus the passion in his kiss set me on fire again. He nudged my legs apart and lowered his body towards mine, still holding most of his weight off of me. I gasped when I felt his hot skin against mine and I instinctively bucked my hips up to meet him. His erection pressed into my clit and it felt absolutely heavenly. The need to touch him and to feel him inside of me took over and I tried freeing my arms but he wouldn't release me.

"I want to…oh…touch…ungh…you…" I breathed out, rapidly becoming incoherent again.

"Bella, you feel too good…oh fuck…I can't…mmm…need to fuck you…now!" Apparently I wasn't the only one having trouble forming words together.

"Yes! Fuck me Paul." He let go of my wrists and pulled away from me. For a second I felt confused but then I realized that he was reaching for a condom and was now quickly rolling it on. He positioned himself at my entrance, looked me deep in the eyes and slowly started to push into me. Oh God, suddenly wolf genetics weren't that appealing anymore. How the hell was this going to work? I felt uncomfortably full, and I couldn't help but to thank God Jake wasn't quite this big or losing my virginity to him would have been a traumatizing experience.

"Fuck, Bella, you're so tight. Are you okay?" I was touched by his concern for me. He held absolutely still looking me searchingly in the eyes. I could see by his clenched jaw and the sweat beads forming on his forehead that he was struggling not to move. My heart melted at the sight of the normally arrogant and cocky Paul making sure that I was okay. His unexpected tenderness made me instantly relax and I could feel myself adjusting to his size. The uncomfortable feeling subsided and I needed more. I wrapped my legs around his hips pulling him in deeper, urging him to move.

He let out a sigh of relief and started to slowly push in and pull out. Holy hell that felt good! I quickly found his rhythm and met him thrust for thrust. I could feel the muscles on his back rippling under my fingertips. I ran my tongue along his neck and tasted his salty masculine flavor. The room was filled with the sounds of my moans, Paul's grunts and his balls slapping against my ass. My senses went into overdrive and I needed more.

"Faster, Paul…aah…harder…oh God…" He pulled out almost entirely and then slammed back in. Over and over again. "Oh God…oh God…" I felt the coil tightening in my stomach but I still needed more. I slid a hand down in between us and started circling my clit.

"Fuck!" Paul growled. He sat back slightly on his heels and threw my legs up over his shoulders and raptly watched me touch myself. He placed his hands under my ass and lifted me up so only my shoulders and my head were left touching the mattress. This new angle made him hit all the right places and my orgasm was swiftly approaching. My walls started to clench around him and I was frantically rubbing my clit.

"Cum, Bella! Please…I can't…oh fuck!" Paul yelled out just as we both fell off the cliff. I had the second most powerful orgasm of my life. I was contracting around him to the point of it almost being painful. My fingernails dug into his upper arms and I knew that it would have left marks had he not been a supernatural creature with accelerated healing abilities. I whimpered at the loss when he pulled out of me. He quickly discarded the condom and collapsed next to me on the bed. We laid still for a moment trying to catch our breaths. After a while I felt the mattress shift and Paul pulled me close to him.

"That was… Fuck, I don't even have words to describe it." He chuckled and kissed me on top of my head. I snuggled closer to him and nuzzled his neck. "Mmm." My eyelids suddenly became very heavy and I felt myself starting to drift off to sleep, the events of the day catching up to me.

"Sleep, babe." I heard Paul say and my last thought before I fell asleep was; I can't believe I just had sex with Paul! Crap!

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><p>an This was my first try at writing a lemon and I'm really nervous about it. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

Simaril – did you survive, Hun? Do you need CPR after a lemon starring one of the wolves? ;)


	5. Chapter 5

I'm sorry that the wait has been a little longer than usual, but I got this chapter off to Stitch_cat late and can you believe…she has a life! *shocked face* Thank you Stitch for working your magic and I loved your comment!

Somehow my pre-reader Verseseven also decided to have a RL, and while she was away frolicking in Costa Rica, the wonderful snarkymuch stepped in and helped me out. Thank you sweetie! MWAH

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Faster Paul!" I urged him on, thoroughly enjoying the rippling of his muscles underneath me. God, I could ride him forever. The sensation was invigorating and it was exactly what I needed after the slightly awkward start to my day.

I had woken up feeling completely disoriented. I was sweaty, my body was kind of sore and an annoying little drummer boy had taken up residence in my head. I slowly realized that the battering was connected to Old Quil's special brew, the sweat was because I was wrapped up in the arms of an overheated wolf, and the soreness was caused by…oh God, sex with Paul. I had sex with Paul. I had _sex_ with Paul. _I_ had sex with Paul. I had sex with _Paul_. What the hell was wrong with me?

My abrupt panic and hyperventilating must have woken Paul up, because I was suddenly sitting in his lap listening to him trying to calm me down. After I had gotten my breathing under control Paul asked me what was wrong, and that set me off again. I sprung to my feet, put my hands on my hips and stared at him incredulously.

"What's wrong? Are you serious? What's wrong? I was…yesterday…and you…and Jake…and Old Quil…and fighting…and we…and…and…" I could hardly think, let alone form words. I was pacing back and forth flailing my arms around only to come to an abrupt halt when I saw Paul fighting a smile. He lost the fight and began laughing hysterically, which drove me absolutely insane.

"What the hell are you laughing about? There's nothing funny about this!" I demanded, not quite able to stop my foot from stomping like a four-year-old which, of course, induced even more chortling.

"You…yelling…tits bouncing…" He squeaked out in between laughs. What the…? Oh. Right. I was naked.

"Shut up!" My lips started twitching and soon I couldn't help but to laugh at myself.

After we had both calmed down we were able to talk about what had happened last night. It felt a bit awkward having a 'morning-after' conversation with Paul of all people, but we got through it. He assured me that he had no regrets; we were two consenting adults who had a really great night together and nothing had to change between us. He also smugly stated that whenever I wanted an earthshattering orgasm he was just a phone call away. And just like that, I knew that we were going to be okay.

We showered, had a hangover-friendly breakfast at Sam and Emily's and were now, together with Leah, on our way to the Cullens. I had butterflies the size of pterodactyls in my stomach and in order to distract myself I was urging Paul to run faster. Not that I wanted to arrive faster, but the thrill of riding a wolf was exhilarating and made me forget everything but the powerful animal beneath me and the wind whipping across my face. It reminded me of riding my motorbike, and the sense of freedom was intoxicating.

All too soon I felt Paul slowing down and the familiar white house could be seen in the distance. Memories of the first time Edward took me to see his family were swirling behind my eyes. I had been so nervous that they wouldn't like me, but with the exception of Rosalie they had all welcomed me and made me feel at ease. Edward had, of course, reflected on my lack of fear of going to meet six vampires, but I had trusted him when he said that they wouldn't hurt me.

As we were getting closer to the house I couldn't help but muse about the differences between that first visit and this one. This time I was not at all nervous about them liking me or not. I already knew that I was just a temporary distraction in their lives; someone to entertain them for a while. They had all had a few good laughs at the clumsy, blushing human who thought she could someday have a place in the family. Today I was, however, scared of meeting them. Not because I thought that they would physically hurt me, but because I wasn't sure how well the patches would hold up if they said or did something that threatened to tear the hole in my chest open again.

The irony of my being afraid now, when I was so much stronger than I had been a year and a half ago, was not lost on me. The fact that I also had two wolves accompanying me and eight more on stand-by also added to the irony. Even though I was a lot more confident and sure of myself now, I was somehow more vulnerable. I had let these people play with my emotions up to the point where I had gone into a catatonic state when the truth came out. I knew what they were capable of and I was willingly going to subject myself to them again. I wasn't sure if that was a sign of strength or of stupidity. My need to find out why they were back was big enough to push me to go through with this.

I reminded myself that I had been to hell and back and I had not only survived, but I had come out a much stronger version of myself. In some ways I had found my way back to the person I was before I moved to Forks. I had been strong then; taking care of myself and Renée, making sure the bills got paid, that we had food on the table each day and steering Renée away from the most dangerous ideas she got. I had been strong-willed, not afraid to voice my opinion, and I hadn't depended on anyone for anything. On the other hand, I had had an extremely low sense of self-esteem and I had constantly molded myself around everyone else's wants and needs, without really believing that my wishes also mattered. That had all changed now and I was quite proud of the person I had become. It may have taken a debilitating abandonment from a group of vampires and an adoption from a pack of werewolves, but I had grown up and come into my own, and that felt really good.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the feeling of Paul coming to a stop beneath me, and the sound of a deep rumble in his chest. I looked up and saw all of the Cullens standing in front of their house watching us approach. Emmett, Esme and Alice all looked at me with their mouths slightly opened, as if they couldn't quite believe what they saw. Rosalie stood to the side looking a mixture between annoyed and intrigued. What really caught my attention, though, was the sight of Carlisle and Jasper holding back a very irate Edward, and now I understood why Paul was so on edge. I had never seen Edward looking so out of control and dangerous. For the very first time he looked like the lethal vampire he really was, and I felt a shiver going through me at that thought.

Both Paul and Leah had started growling and I didn't know what to do to prevent the situation from getting worse. I had no idea why Edward looked like he wanted to attack us, and I was beginning to think that coming here was a huge mistake after all. At the very least I wished that Paul and Leah weren't here with me. The idea of one of them getting hurt because of me was terrifying.

Jasper caught my eye and quickly pushed some calm out to everybody.

"Cut it out Edward. You're scaring Bella."

I don't know if it was Jasper's words or his calming vibes, but Edward seemed to regain his senses and visibly calmed down. Carlisle let go of Edward's shoulder and took a step forward with his hands out in front of him in a non-threatening way.

"Welcome. I must apologize for my son's behavior. We didn't expect this manner of transportation for Bella, and I'm afraid that Edward overreacted out of concern for her. We mean you no harm."

I couldn't help the snort that came out. Carlisle couldn't seriously think that Edward was concerned for me? I motioned to Paul that I wanted to get down but the only response I got was another growl.

"Hey, Cujo! Don't you growl at me." I huffed at Paul, and finally managed to get him to crouch down so I could get off of him. I could hear Emmett chuckling and turning towards him I asked just what it was that he found so funny.

"It's just here you come racing in, looking hot as hell on the back of a fucking werewolf, and to top it off you tell him off when he growls at you. You're badass, Bella. What happened to the little shy, blushing girl who was afraid of speed and never talked back to anyone?"

Emmett looked to be feeling a mixture between awe and confusion and that, in combination with his question, brought down my defenses at once.

"What happened? Well let's see…that shy little girl got sucked into the supernatural world, was made to believe she was loved and then was thrown out like yesterday's trash. That girl, Emmett, is dead and if you were expecting another go-around with her then you're shit out of luck."

**JPOV**

The shock from Bella's statement was rolling off of my family in huge waves, and as they began to process her words, massive amounts of disbelief and grief came from Esme, Emmett and Carlisle. Edward was still stuck on the shock and fear of Bella being so close to the wolves, and his hands were twitching from the effort it took not to reach out and yank her away from them.

_Relax, Edward. She feels perfectly safe with them and they feel extremely protective of her._

The last thing we needed now was for him to do something rash, and antagonize the wolves and Bella more. The hate and loathing the two wolves felt towards us were strong, and I feared that it wouldn't take much for them to lose their tenuous hold on themselves and attack us. I knew that I would probably not have any problems taking them down, but Bella could be caught in the crossfire and that would not end well.

I sent out some much-needed calm and felt relieved when everyone instantly relaxed. The last twenty-four hours had been an emotional roller coaster for the whole family, and I was having a hard time dealing with all of their emotions on top of my own. I felt extremely confused and didn't know what to believe anymore. A lot of things had been discussed, and nothing seemed to add up. I desperately needed answers and I had a feeling that Bella would be able to provide some insight.

Ever the diplomat, Carlisle offered a small smile and asked Bella if she would like to come in and sit down so we could be more comfortable. Before Bella had a chance to answer, the big silver wolf growled and made a move to stand between her and the house.

"They don't want her to leave their sight." Edward felt the need to explain, even though it was quite obvious to everyone that the wolves did not trust us with Bella.

"Of course you are welcome to come inside as well." Carlisle was quick to reassure the wolves, even though the thought of letting those stinking animals into the house was not appealing to any of us.

"They refuse to change back into their human forms, and since they can talk through me they don't see a need for it."

"Well they're sure as hell not coming into our house like that." Rose spat with disgust.

Bella took a couple of steps and placed herself in the middle, holding her hands up to both groups. "Let's just stay out here, okay?"

"We'll go and get some lawn chairs for us to sit on." Esme motioned to Alice, who had been unusually quiet, and they took off towards the garage to get the chairs.

I knew that it bothered Alice that her gift wasn't always working. She had been frantic with worry when she couldn't see how Bella was doing after we made the decision to go back to Forks. Up until that point she had tried her best to do as Edward had asked of her, and had not looked into Bella's future. The only times she had checked was when I had decided to go and see Bella.

The guilt of attacking her on her birthday had been eating me alive and I had felt a desperate need to see her and at least try to apologize. Not only had I tried to kill her, but my actions had led to the whole family leaving her. Bella was such an amazing girl, and I had managed to not only ruin her birthday, but also essentially separate her from the love of her life and from a whole second family that I knew she loved very much.

To say that she had taken me by surprise yesterday would be a gross understatement. The feelings she evoked in me when she had defended me to Edward surpassed anything I'd ever felt. There she was, this little human girl, showing more trust and faith in me than anyone had ever done. And then she hugged me. Oh God, the feel of her warm, soft body against mine was…fuck; I didn't even have words for it.

I guess I shouldn't think about her as a 'girl' anymore, she had definitely grown into a young woman in our absence. When she arrived here today on the back of the wolf, with a look of sheer bliss on her face and her hair blowing in the wind, she took my breath away. Her strength was awe-inspiring and it was quite humbling to be in her presence. The family's reaction to the sight was almost enough to bring me to my knees; the shock and concern ran high with everyone, as well as the realization that she was, indeed, practically part of the pack. Rose and Carlisle had also emitted high amounts of respect, and I knew that Rose was starting to see Bella in a different light. The most prominent emotion to seeing Bella riding the wolf, however, had been lust. A whole fuckton of lust that had my cock throbbing with the desire to fuck the living daylights out of that beautiful girl on a wolf.

"Jasper, please…" Edward apparently didn't like the path my thoughts had led me down.

_Sorry, Edward, but she's hot. Besides you can't say that you didn't feel the exact same thing. And I'm sure Emmett's thoughts were not exactly innocent, given the amount of lust coming from him?_

He gave me a small nod and I felt his resignation and reluctant acceptance. Alice danced up to me and we sat down next to Carlisle and Esme. The chairs had been set up in a semi-circle so we all could face each other without having to turn our backs to the wolves. Bella stood to the side, looking at the remaining seats, feeling slightly awkward, and Edward wasn't doing much better. He obviously wanted to pull Bella down to sit next to him but he wasn't sure how she would react. She hadn't exactly given him a warm welcome as of yet, and he was drowning in insecurity, guilt and grief. I gave Emmett a pointed look to do something to break the tension; after all, it was the one thing he was the master of.

Waving his arms around like crazy to get Bella's attention he boomed out; "Hey Squirt, come sit here between Esme and Rose."

A sudden rush of lust burst out from Bella, quickly followed by embarrassment. Before I had time to contemplate her weird reaction, however, I felt an overwhelming amount of lust coming from the silver wolf. Edward's head snapped up and whatever it was that he heard the wolf thinking of made me tense up. Edward was feeling shocked and confused at first, but that quickly led to lust and wonder before he switched over to grief and loss. I was having problems keeping up with his rapidly-changing emotions, and it reminded me of being surrounded by newborns again. It took me a second before I realized that all of Edward's emotions had warped into intense fury, and by that time it was too late and all hell broke loose.

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><p>The amazing Simaril wrote a hilarious os for me, called "Armageddon kinda". Go check it out! www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7039335/1/Armageddon_kinda or www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7039310/1/Armageddon_kinda


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you Stitch_cat for working your beta magic and taking care of those pesky commas for me. You are all kinds of awesome!

Huge thanks to my pre-readers Verseseven and snarkymuch! I'd be lost without you and I flove you hard!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p>BPOV<p>

As soon as I saw Edward tense up I knew what was going on. When Emmett had used the nickname 'Squirt' my mind had instantly gone to the night before and what had happened with Paul. Paul's mind had, no doubt also relived those moments and Edward had inadvertently had front row tickets to the show. At first I felt a little embarrassed by the fact that Edward saw me in such an intimate situation, but I shook that feeling off. I had nothing to be embarrassed about, and I was damn well not going to be ashamed of what was by far the best sexual experience of my life so far.

I heard Edward growl and I wondered why he seemed upset. I knew he couldn't be jealous, so I figured he just didn't approve of what he saw. Our relationship had always been so chaste, and after he left me I realized that he probably didn't want to take things further due to the fact that he wasn't in love with me. He always said it was because it would be too dangerous and that he was afraid of hurting me. I never believed that, not fully anyway. I'm sure it would have been a bit dangerous if we had made love, but what about touching, caressing, cautiously exploring? He could play the softest tunes on the piano, and he managed to turn the thin pages of a book without destroying them, obviously he knew how to control his strength even when he wasn't consciously thinking about it. I was definitely a lot less fragile than the papers in his beloved books, and yet he wouldn't so much as graze my breasts, for crying out loud.

I knew that Edward still very much held on to the morals of the era he grew up in, and when he confirmed that he didn't love me I came to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't just the fact that he wasn't physically attracted to me that held him back, but also his beliefs about what was, or wasn't, appropriate to do outside of marriage. Because, seriously, what seventeen-year-old boy would constantly reject his girlfriend when she practically threw herself on him every chance she got? His morals and values would also explain why he seemed upset by what he saw in Paul's mind. Not that I really understood his reaction though, if I chose to behave in an 'unladylike' manner or not had no bearing on him. _Unless he felt that it reflected poorly on him that his ex-girlfriend was partaking in such lewd acts?_

All of a sudden I realized that Edward wasn't sitting down anymore. In fact, I couldn't see him at all. I started hearing terrible noises: growls, snarls and crashing sounds. I spun around and looked out into the yard behind me and my heart froze. I couldn't clearly make out what exactly was happening because it was all too fast for my eyes to really follow, but I saw enough to know that Edward and Paul were in a serious fight. Leah was growling fiercely, but for some reason stayed out of the fight. Jasper and Emmett rushed forward to either aid their brother, or to break things up. By that point, though, a horrible screeching sound followed by a loud yelp was heard and then something came flying through the air and landed right in front of me. I looked down and saw...an arm?

I blinked in shock, tilted my head and took a closer look. It really was an arm. A twitching arm that seemed to be trying to make its way back to the body it belonged to. I heard an extremely irritating scream and every vampire and wolf instantly froze in their actions and I felt them all looking at me. I realized that I was the one screaming and quickly snapped my mouth shut. I couldn't stop watching the arm, though. It was the most bizarre and surreal thing I'd ever seen. I clearly remembered the sounds I had heard when James was torn apart, but I hadn't exactly seen it happen due to the excruciating pain I was in at the time. To not only see a limb moving on its own, but also recognizing it, was a bit disturbing. Those long fingers that I had watched stroke the keys of the piano so many times were now clawing and pulling on the ground to get back to their owner. If the situation hadn't been so horrifying I would have laughed at the absurdity. It was like a really bad horror movie, even worse than the one Jake, Mike and I had watched on our weird date-like night in Port Angeles.

I heard someone softly calling my name and I finally managed to pull my eyes away from the freaky thing before me. I looked up and met the concerned eyes of Carlisle.

"Are you alright, Bella?" He asked, obviously worried about the fragile human.

"I…yeah…" I sighed. "Yes, I'm fine. But…" Something in my peripheral vision caught my eye and I gasped at the sight. Leah was standing guard over Paul, who was laying on his side panting heavily.

"He's hurt!" I yelled out, and started running towards him.

"Bella, don't!" Edward shouted, but thankfully Jasper and Emmett stopped him from advancing on me. I came to an abrupt halt and dropped to my knees next to Paul. Leah moved so she was shielding both Paul and me from the vampires. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see any marks or blood on Paul's body, and I feared that he had some internal injuries. I was afraid to touch him in case I hurt him more.

"Paul, where are you hurt? What can I do?" Why I was asking him questions he wasn't able to answer was beyond me. I was just so scared. One of my worst nightmares had come true; a wolf had been hurt because of my involvement with vampires.

"Honey, can you phase back?" He raised his massive head and gave me a surprised look at my choice of words. I always called him various different names of dog characters from movies, cartoons or books and he, in turn, used all sorts of synonyms for 'short' he could come up with for me. It was our way of showing affection for each other, but in the current situation we were in the more common term of endearment seemed to come naturally.

"Bella, may I come and take a look at him?" Carlisle's question was met with a growl from Leah.

"Please, Leah, let Carlisle come over. He can help Paul." I felt fairly certain that no matter how wrong I had been about the Cullens, Carlisle took his oath as a doctor seriously and would do anything he could to help Paul.

"My family will all step back and I'll come by myself." Now it was Rosalie's turn to growl.

"It's okay, Rose, I'll be fine." Carlisle tried to reassure her. "You and Alice help Edward fuse his arm back, and then Emmett and Esme should go with him for a quick hunt to speed up the healing process." Even though it was phrased as a suggestion, it was clear by his tone that he expected them to do as they were told. The leader of the coven had spoken and I relaxed a little, knowing that someone had taken charge and managed to get a handle on the situation.

I moved over so I was sitting by Paul's head, giving Carlisle room to examine Paul. Leah had stopped growling and watched intently as Carlisle slowly approached Paul.

"If you are able to change back into human form it would be easier to assess your injuries, but if not, I will do my best to examine you in this form."

After pausing for a minute, Carlisle realized that Paul was not going to phase back any time soon, so he carefully began his examination. His hands were moving at a speed that my eyes couldn't quite follow, and before I knew it he sat back and declared that Paul's left leg was broken. It seemed the leg was broken in several places but obviously it was hard to tell due to the current form Paul was in. I sighed in relief that Paul wasn't hurt worse, and I knew that the wolves healed very fast. A broken leg wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience to him as there wouldn't be need for a cast or crutches.

When I informed Carlisle of the accelerated healing, however, he became concerned that the bones would have to be set quickly before they healed together the wrong way. I managed to convince Paul to phase back and Carlisle was able to feel that the leg was broken in three different places and, unfortunately, two of them had already healed in the wrong positions. With the help of Jasper's influence Carlisle re-broke the bones and I actually think I cringed more than Paul did.

It was decided that Sam would come with his truck and Leah would take Paul home. Neither Leah nor Paul was too happy about it, but Paul didn't really have a choice and I was adamant that Sam stay instead of Leah. Leah needed to go and blow off some steam, and since there was no way I was going to be left without wolf protection, Sam was by far the best choice. He was clearly upset about what had happened, but he was the calmest of the wolves and the one who best controlled his thoughts. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Edward had felt the need to attack Paul simply because he had seen that we had had sex last night, and I didn't need another wolf there broadcasting thoughts that would cause Edward to lose it again.

Edward, Emmett and Esme returned from their hunt and Edward once again had two arms attached to his body. Sam phased and trotted away to the edge of the forest, giving us the semblance of privacy. Everyone took their seats and I ended up sitting between Carlisle and Rose. I had so many questions running through my mind and I wasn't sure where to begin, but luckily Carlisle once again took the lead.

"Now that everyone has settled down, let's see if we can have a civilized conversation shall we?" He said with a stern look towards Edward, who nodded his consent.

"Edward, would you mind informing us why you attacked Paul, an invited guest and friend of Bella?"

"Yeah, Edward, no matter how much I enjoyed watching you going at it with the mutt, I'm curious to what he was thinking to get your panties in such a twist?" Emmett's laughter quickly died down when Edward began to growl and his eyes started to turn a darker shade.

"Knock it off, Edward! I know what you probably saw in Paul's mind, but why would you even care?" I demanded of him.

"Why would I care? Bella, he was taking advantage of you, of course I care."

"What?" What the hell was he talking about?

"I saw what he did to you last night and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you, but I promise that it will never happen again."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Edward. Paul didn't do anything to me." _At least not anything I didn't want him to do._

"You don't have to defend him, love. It's alright now, I'll keep you safe." Edward dropped to his knees in front of me and reached out to take my hands.

"What are you talking about Edward? What did the dog do to her?" Rosalie suddenly looked murderous and I felt extremely confused. Why did Edward think I was defending Paul and why would Rosalie care?

"Okay, everyone needs to calm down and tell us what is going on." Carlisle said, giving Jasper a look, and I instantly felt the calming waves from the resident empath.

"I really don't know what Edward's talking about, but it's clear that he saw what Paul and I did yesterday." I sighed, steeling myself to the idea of the entire Cullen family about to know way too much about my sex life.

"Not that it's any of your business, but Paul and I had sex last night." I ignored the gasps and looked Edward straight in the eye. "I understand that you didn't approve of what you saw in Paul's mind, but that really doesn't explain why you attacked him or think that I need protection from him."

"Love, as much as the thought of you and the mutt doing anything like that together hurt me, it's the thought he had about you being drunk that made me furious." Another round of gasps was heard at the revealing of me being drunk. I still ignored them and waited for the dots to connect in my brain. They didn't.

"So, what? You attacked him because I had been drinking? That doesn't make any sense at all!"

"Bella, he took advantage of you! You were not of sound mine and he seized the opportunity to have his way with you." After a second of stunned silence, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper all stood up and let out loud growls.

"I'm going to kill him!" Emmett's declaration was met with approving nods from Rosalie and Jasper. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sam's hackles rising and things were quickly starting to get out of hand again.

"Enough!" I rose to my feet yelling. "Everybody sit the fuck down! Emmett, you're not going to kill anyone. Sam, tell the pack to stay put." The way Sam's head fell a little told me that the pack was indeed on their way over.

"But, Bella, you can't expect us not to do anything about this?"

"Yes I can, Emmett. This is just ridiculous! Paul didn't take advantage of me, for crying out loud. Yes, I had been drinking, but I was not drunk and I certainly knew what I was doing. Paul didn't do anything that I didn't want him to do and maybe if Edward had a little more experience in these matters he would have seen that."

Geez, I had been nervous about meeting the Cullens again, but I had never in a million years expected to be standing here trying to justify my sex life. With a huff I sat down, crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Edward for putting me in this situation.

"Are you sure nothing happened against your will?" Rosalie asked with a softness in her voice that I had never heard from her before, and definitely not directed towards me.

"Of course I'm sure. Do you really think that I would have been around him, let alone ridden his back here, if he had done something like that to me?" _I'm not an idiot!_"Why do you even care, Rosalie? For that matter, why do any of you care what happens to me? You all left me, remember?" I wanted to get to the point of the meeting so we could get it over with, and I didn't have to be in the presence of these infuriating people any longer. I was angry and confused and the headache was making a comeback.

Everybody had taken their seats again and as I was waiting for someone to say something I took the chance to take a look at Alice, who had been sitting quietly the entire time. She looked absolutely heartbroken and she was wringing her fingers in a very uncharacteristic way. Why was she so sad? Had she missed me? I tried really hard to squish the feeling of hope I got at the thought of my former best friend missing me, but I wasn't very successful. To see the normally exuberant girl so blue tore at my heart strings and I realized that I still wanted her to want me. I had come a long way and my life was no longer dependent on the approval of anyone else, but that didn't mean I didn't want the affection of the people I loved. Damn it all to hell! I still loved Alice and I wanted her to be happy. I must be a glutton for punishment. Maybe I should look into some of that bondage-whipping-thing I had caught Quil looking at on my computer one day? _Get a grip, Bella and get your head out of the gutter!_

I heard Jasper clear his throat and I instantly looked at him. Vampires don't need to clear their throats. Why did he…? Oh. My emotions must be driving him mad. I had a hard time keeping up myself, and poor Jasper had to feel them all on top of his own and those of the family. I gave him an apologetic smile and focused on what Carlisle was saying.

"I can assure you that we all care very much about you, Bella. I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry we are about leaving you, but please believe that it had nothing to do with not caring about you."

"Oh really? So you all up and left me because you care so much about me? Yes, that makes perfect sense." My voice was dripping with sarcasm and I couldn't wait to hear what excuse or explanation he had to offer. But instead of Carlisle answering me, it was Edward who spoke.

"I made them leave. After what happened with Jasper on your birthday it wasn't safe for you to be around us any longer."

"I'm so sorry about attacking you, Bella. I should have been able to handle it but I couldn't control myself." Jasper looked so sad and my heart broke at the sight of him.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Jasper. It wasn't your fault." I stated with conviction.

"Not my fault? I was the one who launched myself towards you intent on draining the life out of you." Jasper exclaimed and Edward was suddenly defensively standing in front of me as if he thought Jasper would try to kill me just by talking about it.

"Edward, move." I said, trying to push him away. Instead of moving, he turned around and faced me with an incredulous look. I had a sudden flashback to all the times he would look at me like I was a child who didn't know any better and I felt my anger flair.

"I'm serious, Edward. Move. Out. Of. My. Way." I gritted my teeth, not wanting to start another fight when we'd finally begun to talk. Thankfully he stepped back and made his way over to his seat again. I took a deep breath to get my anger under control and looked Jasper straight in the eye.

"Do you really believe that, Jasper? Do you honestly think that it's all your fault and that you should have been able to control yourself from going after my blood?" Everyone was looking at me, clearly wondering where I was going with this. I could see that everyone, including Jasper, thought that he was to blame.

"Why do you even ask that?" I detected a tone of annoyance in Jasper's voice. "We all know that I'm the one who's finding it the hardest to control my thirst. I'm the weakest link. I'm the one who slips from time to time making it necessary for the family to up and leave. This time was so much worse, as I actually tried to attack a member of the family." He spat out with disgust. I felt a twinge of pain when he referred to me as a member of the family but I pushed it away. I was determined to get my revelation across.

"I've been thinking a lot about your 'control issue' and I've come to a conclusion. I didn't expect it to come as a surprise to any of you, but considering the things you just said, maybe it will." I knew I was being a bit cryptic, but I was quite shocked by the fact that none of them seemed to know what I was talking about.

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't help but smile at Emmett for asking the question that was written all over everyone's faces.

"I'm taking about the fact that Jasper probably has more control over his bloodlust then all of you, with the possible exception of Carlisle." I ignored the scoff that came from Edward and instead spoke directly to Jasper.

"I'm talking about your gift, Jasper. Your ability to feel everyone's emotions."

"What does that have to do with it? Thirst for blood isn't an emotion." Edward actually sounded really confused, and I couldn't help but feel a little elated at being on the other side of a lecture for once.

"The thirst itself might not be an emotion, but the things that come with it sure are. You need blood to live just like humans need food and water to survive. You may not die from lack of blood but you are still affected by it. Carlisle told me how he tried to starve himself to death and how he felt weak, disoriented and almost delusional. Those are all emotions."

"Yes, but no one was starving on your birthday and I didn't feel any of the emotions you're talking about from anyone."

"But it's not just thirst is it? Isn't it also a lust for blood?"

"Sure there is, love. I told you many times that your blood called to me more than any other blood I had ever smelled. But I was still able to control myself around you as we all do on a daily basis around humans."

"But that's the thing though, don't you see? You all lust over blood to a certain degree every day and Jasper can feel that." Why were they not getting this?

"Of course!" Carlisle finally caught on to what I was saying. "The bloodlust is an emotion. We feel a burn in our throats, venom accumulates in our mouths and there is definite longing attached to the sweet smell. Why haven't I thought about that before?"

"But Carlisle, those are physical responses, not emotional." Alice piped up. It was the first thing I had heard her say all day, and I found it odd that she wasn't more open to the idea of Jasper not being weak.

"Lust is most definitely an emotion." Carlisle was interrupted by the 'hell yeah' coming from Emmett and everyone started to laugh. Everyone but Jasper, who looked as if he was in shock. I got up from my chair, went over to Jasper and crouched down in front of him.

"You fight not only your own bloodlust, but everyone else's too. Every day. That must take an enormous amount of control and the strength you possess is admirable. On my birthday you weren't prepared for the sudden onslaught of bloodlust coming from six vampires, including yourself. Not to mention the bloodlust coming from Edward alone, seeing how my blood calls to him. Of course you couldn't control that." I wanted desperately for him to see how strong he was and to stop blaming himself for things that weren't his fault.

I knew from experience how it felt to always put the blame on myself, and it was one of the things I had worked hard on overcoming the last few months. It was Leah that opened my eyes to the error of my thinking by pointing out that shit happened and to take the blame for everything pretty much equaled thinking that the world revolved around yourself. She asked me if I thought it was her fault that Sam imprinted on Emily and not on her, and if she should start berating herself instead of cursing the wolf gene, the imprinting concept or pretty much anything she could think of. I realized that taking responsibility for your actions is one thing, but placing blame where it didn't belong was a completely different matter. It was an extremely freeing realization and I wanted Jasper to experience it. It always seemed as if he carried the world on his shoulders, and if I could help lighten the burden a little I would make damn sure I did.

"Fuck man, you felt all of our bloodlust and Bella's still alive!" Emmett looked at his brother with a whole new level of respect in his eyes. "Bro, even if you did launch for Bella, you still somehow controlled yourself. I know that you could have easily thrown me and Rosie off of you, but instead you let us stop you and take you outside."

I saw that Jasper was slowly starting to believe what we were saying and he must have felt how impressed and proud at least I and Emmett were of him. Looking around I saw the same feelings on almost everyone's faces. Only Alice seemed to struggle, and she was starting to piss me off.

"Why do you look so concerned, Alice? Aren't you proud of your husband knowing what you know now?" I had to ask her because I really didn't understand the guilt and worry I could read in her expression.

"Of course I'm proud of him." She said in a small voice and then turned to Jasper. "I just can't help but think about all the times I've been angry or disappointed in you when you slipped. I feel guilty about blaming you when it was as much our fault as it was yours."

The whole family snapped out of their stupor and came over to Jasper, offering apologies and embraces. I stood to the side and rejoiced in the look on Jasper's face. I had done that. I had helped put that glorious smile on his face and I could feel an overwhelming sense of relief and wonder. I realized that Jasper was projecting and the knowledge of the freedom that came with those emotions brought tears to my eyes.

Jasper looked over at me and slowly slithered away from his excited family and walked over to me. He took my hands in his and looked me deep in the eye. Instead of saying anything he opened up his emotions and I was overcome with gratitude, amazement, relief, affection and a whole other set of emotions that made me throw my arms around him for the second time in two days. This time though, he didn't hesitate and engulfed me in his strong arms, lifted me up and spun me around. I had never seen Jasper act so carefree and, by the looks of it, the Cullens were also surprised by his unusual behavior.

"Jasper…dizzy." I managed to squeak out in between laughs as the spinning proceeded at an unnatural speed. Jasper stopped immediately and put me back down. I wobbled and held on to his upper arms for dear life as I tried to get the world to align itself into the correct places again.

"Sorry, darlin'. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine as soon as the damn trees stop dancing around like that." And there it was again; the sound of Jasper laughing. I didn't care if he was laughing at me, I was just happy to hear his beautiful laugh again.

"Oh, Bella, you're something else." The affection in his voice sent warmth through me and I knew that no matter what happened with the rest of the Cullens, Jasper would always have a special place in my heart. I realized that I was still holding on to him even if my equilibrium was restored and I really didn't need the support to stand any longer. Reluctantly, I let go of him. I had never paid much attention to Jasper, but now I was very much aware of the defined muscles in his arms and I wished I had a reason to keep touching him. _What the hell are you thinking, Bella? Empath, remember?_

I nervously bit down on my lip and glanced up at Jasper. He was looking down at me with a strange expression. Whatever it was he was thinking or feeling he seemed to shake it off and the look of appreciation was back.

"I can't even begin to thank you, darlin', for what you've done for me today." I didn't need him to thank me and I was opening my mouth to say that, but Jasper put a finger to my lips to silence me. I had the sudden urge to stick my tongue out and see if he tasted as good as he smelled, but I managed to control myself.

"Let me be grateful and thank you, Bella. You've succeeded in doing something today that no one, including myself, has been able to do in over a century and a half." _Holy crap! How old is he really?_

Jasper smirked at my shock and sadly took his finger away from my lips. They tingled from the feel of him and strangely enough my lips felt colder with the loss of his finger than they did when he touched them.

"I mean it, Bella. You've put things into a perspective that makes so much sense that I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner. You've given me a lot to think about, but I can already tell you that I've never felt freer than I do at this moment, and I'll be eternally grateful for you finding your way into my life. I just wish my presence in your life didn't bring you so much pain, but I swear I'll do everything in my power to make up for it."

"You never caused me any pain, Jasper. You're the only one of the entire family that I can honestly say has never hurt me." As the last words came out I heard a muffled sob. I looked over and saw Esme crying softly into Carlisle's chest. The sight was enough to quickly put a damper on the joy I felt and I was instantly reminded of the main reason for my visit. To find out why they were back in Forks. As soon as I had done that, I could be on my way home. I needed some time to think about everything that had happened these past two days, and if I started to think about it now I would probably break down. I took a deep breath, steeled myself and turned towards the rest of the family.

"Okay, why don't we get this over with? Why are you back in Forks?"

"We missed you, Bella."

"Aw, that's sweet Emmett, but what's the real reason?" I appreciated his sentiment, but I couldn't let myself get my hopes up. I knew that they didn't really care about me and they definitely wouldn't move back here just for me. Come to think of it...had they moved back or were they only here for the moment?

"It's true, love. We all missed you, and we couldn't stay away any longer." I gave Edward a glare that must have told him that I didn't believe him for a second. He actually flinched, and his hand went up to his hair. He always used to run his fingers through his hair when he was uncomfortable.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Edward! You missed me? Ran out of distractions, did you?" The bitterness in my tone made me cringe a little, but I was determined not to show him how much he had hurt me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I did something unforgivable that day. I lied to you."

"What do you mean? I know you lied, you said I would never see any of you again, and here you are."

"No." Edward sighed. "I lied when I said that I was tired of pretending and when I said I didn't want you. It was the most blasphemous thing I've ever said, and I'm ashamed of myself for uttering those words to you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong. So wrong."

I didn't understand what was going on. I saw that the rest of the family had moved back to the lawn chairs, giving us the semblance of privacy, and Sam was lying against a tree looking like an overgrown dog waiting for his walk. My mind was racing, trying to catch up and make some sense of what Edward was saying.

"You lied? You were wrong?"

"Yes." He hung his head and barely looked at me.

"I don't get it, Edward. What did you lie about? You made it perfectly clear how you felt. Are you saying you've changed your mind?" The confusion could be heard in my voice, and I desperately wanted him to stop being cryptic and just spell it out for me. _Perhaps he wasn't being cryptic, but maybe I just couldn't understand him?_

"I did change my mind, in a way," he started, but my patience had run out.

"What? Tell me!" I demanded. Why was he toying with me? Didn't he do enough damage the first time around?

"I changed my mind about staying away from you. I only left because I thought you would be safer without me, without all of us. I wanted you to have a normal, happy life without the interference of the supernatural world. I still love you, Bella. I never stopped loving you. I only said that so you would let me go."

Edward took my hands, and his pleading eyes were almost killing me as his words started to register in my mind. He loved me? He never stopped loving me?

"You love me?" God, I sounded pathetic. What happened to the strong woman I had convinced myself I had become?

"I love you. God, I love you so much, Bella." He pulled me into his arms and crushed me against him. My arms were not cooperating and hung loosely at my sides. I felt the hole in my chest threaten to rip open, and panic started to set in. I took a breath, and the sweet smell of Edward washed over me. The smell that had always dazzled me before had quite the different effect this time, though. It was still sweet and incredibly good, but it didn't affect me the same way it used to. It actually cleared my mind, and I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was in Edward Cullen's arms after he told me that he still loved me. I yanked away from him and turned to see his stunned expression.

"You never stopped loving me but you left anyway?" The anger was starting to come back, and I welcomed it. "You left to keep me safe? You wanted me to have a normal life? Are you kidding me?"

I couldn't stand there and look at him anymore. I stomped my way over and threw myself down on the chair next to Jasper. He was the only one I could stand to look at, and I needed some of his calming influence.

"Just breathe, Bella." I was thankful that he didn't try to manipulate my feelings without my asking for it, and I focused on his eyes and took deep breaths, following his lead.

"That's good, darlin'. One more. Deep breath in, aaaand out." Jasper didn't need a gift to calm me down; he was doing just fine on his own. I still felt angry, but I could handle it now without breaking down. I concentrated very hard on feeling grateful in hopes that Jasper would feel it. The small smile he gave me told me that he felt it and understood what I couldn't say out loud at the moment. If I tried to say anything to him, I would start to open myself up to other feelings, and I needed to hold on to my anger for now. I still needed answers.

"Love, I'm so sorry."

"Edward, I told you yesterday, stop calling me 'love'. I'm not yours anymore; you threw me away. I don't know what you want from me!"

"I want you. I want your forgiveness for the awful things I said and did to you. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm begging for you to forgive me anyway." The pleading in his voice tugged at my heart, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around my chest. The familiar motion, however, reminded me of who I was now. It was all too easy to go back to being that insecure girl, begging to be loved by the gorgeous vampire. But I couldn't go back. I was a different person now, and I liked who I had become.

"I need some time, Edward. I don't know what to make of this."

"Take as much time as you need, lo... Um, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

"None of us are going anywhere, sis," Emmett boomed out.

"Well, I've heard that before. You all left me. You told me you loved me. You said I was part of your family. What kind of family leaves a member behind without even saying goodbye? I don't trust you, and I'm not your 'sis'!"

I had had enough. I needed to go. I stood up, and in a sudden movement, I found myself stroking my hand over Jasper's cheek, letting him know again that I didn't blame him for anything and that I trusted him. He closed his eyes, and I felt affection and understanding coming from him. I turned and started walking over to Sam. I heard the family calling out to me, but I ignored them and kept walking.

"Sam, get me out of here."

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><p>I have the huge privilege and pleasure of working with Simaril who has started an amazing new story called "I'm only sleeping". Go read and give her some love! www(dot)fanfiction(dot)nets/7079270/1/Im_Only_Sleeping


	7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry this chapter is so late. I struggled with it, and then it was with my beta for a long time. She realized that she just didn't have time to beta now during summer time, with the kids being home, so I had to find a new beta. Long story short, it's finally done!

Thank you so much to my new beta smexy4smarties. She's absolutely amazing, and I'm so happy to have her on board!

Thanks to my pre-readers Simaril and Verseseven. Love you, ladies!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

By the time we got back to La Push, I felt myself starting to fall apart. I made a quick stop to see how Paul was doing and was relieved to see that he was sleeping and seemed to be healing well. Emily was in his kitchen cooking up a storm, and the living room was crowded by pack members. I wasn't up to talking to anyone at the moment, so I dodged their questions as well as I could and headed for the beach to be alone for a while. I needed a quiet place to think over everything that had happened in the last couple of days, and the sounds of the waves hitting the shore always calmed me.

I sat on the piece of driftwood that Jake and I had claimed for our own and let my thoughts wander. Edward said he had lied to me, that he did love me and only left me to keep me safe. I didn't know what to make of that. It didn't make sense to me. If you really loved someone you didn't leave them, did you? Not only had he left me, he had left me thinking that he had never really loved me in the first place and that I wasn't good enough for him. He knew how insecure I was and how inadequate I felt in comparison to his vampiric beauty, and he had taken that knowledge and used it against me. He had preyed on my deepest weaknesses and effectively rendered me useless. I wasn't sure I could do that to someone I hated, let alone to someone I cared about. The thought of Edward having no problems treating me that way, even though he supposedly loved me, made me feel nauseated.

And then there was the thought of Alice. She was once my best friend, and even called herself my sister. Then she up and left me without even saying goodbye, and today she seemed off somehow. She'd hardly looked at me, let alone spoken to me and, as much as I hated admitting it, I had been hurt by her weird behaviour.

I tried really hard not to think of how hurt Emmett had looked when I told him I wasn't his sister, but the image kept popping up into my head. Emmett had this sort of childlike quality about him and he wore his feelings on his sleeve. To see the pain I caused him made me feel terrible, but I had to remind myself that I couldn't just gloss over my own pain in order to make someone else feel better. I knew I was worth better than that, and I deserved to be heard, dammit.

I couldn't fight it any longer, and the tears started to pour out. I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and gave in to the sorrow. I don't know for how long I had been crying when I suddenly felt two small hands petting my legs. I opened my eyes and saw Claire standing before me with tears in her eyes.

"Ella, what wong?" Her voice was trembling, and I wanted nothing more than to pull myself together and assure her that nothing was wrong, but instead my silent cries turned into sobs. I pulled her up and sat her in my lap; she instantly wrapped her little arms around my neck, and I took the comfort she provided. Claire was the one person who wouldn't have any ulterior motives; she wouldn't try to influence me in any way, and there would be no judgement. She just wanted me to be happy. It broke my heart to know that I was making her sad, and that thought made me cry even harder.

"I...I...sowy...Ella."

"Oh, Claire, sweetie...I'm sorry...I'll be fine." I forced myself to calm down, not wanting to scare her. I startled slightly when I felt an arm around my shoulder offering me support.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop Claire from running over to you when she spotted you sitting here." Laura obviously felt guilty about her little girl disturbing me, and I wouldn't have that.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, Laura. I'm the one who's sorry for making Claire sad."

"Cware, no sad no more, see, Ella!" Claire put her hands on my cheeks and turned my head down so I could see her smile at me. The sight before me broke my heart a little, and at the same time, I couldn't help but smile back at the adorable little girl on my lap. The tears were still running down her cheeks and her nose was stuffy, but she had somehow managed to turn her lips up into a smile, showing me that I shouldn't feel sad for making her cry.

"Thank you, sweetie. I feel better now, you really helped me."

"Yay! Mom, I 'elped, Ella!"

Laura gave her squealing daughter a warm smile and pulled a tissue out of her bag and handed it to me.

"Thank you, Laura. I'm sorry. I'm a mess right now."

"Well, dry your tears, blow your nose and then you'll come home with us. I'll make us some tea and we'll talk about what's gotten you so sad."

I wanted to protest, but Laura gave me the same look I'd seen her give Claire many times, and I knew it was an order and not a request. I did what she said, and the three of us made our way over to their house, Claire in the middle, holding our hands, begging us to swing her. Her laughter was infectious, and by the time we reached the little red cabin I felt much lighter and was so thankful that Claire had come into my life. I never thought that spending time with a child could be such a rewarding and freeing thing, but Claire always made me feel better about myself and I loved the little bouncing girl to bits.

True to her word, Laura made us tea and we sat down at her kitchen table after she'd told Claire to go play in her room because the adults needed to talk. I took a sip of my tea and tried to think of what to tell her.

"Okay, Bella, spill. What's going on?"

"A lot," I sighed.

"Has it got something to do with the reason the pack seemed so tense today?"

I didn't know how to answer that question. Laura had obviously heard the guys referring to themselves as _the pack_, but what could I say without giving to much away?

"Or is it because Jacob imprinted yesterday? How do you feel about that?"

"What?" _Did she just say that she knew Jake imprinted?_

"It's okay, Bella, I know the truth. I know about the wolves, and I've kind of guessed that there has been some vampire activity and that you're somehow involved." She sounded so calm, and all I could do was stare at her. She wasn't supposed to know about the supernatural world, and yet, here she sat, sipping tea and talking about wolves and vampires as if it was an every day occurrence.

"Breathe, Bella," Laura chuckled.

"I'm just...shocked, I guess."

"I know. No one knows that I know, but I figured you needed to talk, and it would probably help to talk to someone that's on the outside and not directly involved in things." Her words resonated deep within me, and I realized that I most definitely needed someone to talk to. As much as I normally mulled things over by myself, I felt that I was in over my head with all that had taken place over the last few days, and I needed a woman's opinion to help me make sense of things.

"I could definitely use someone to talk to, but I don't want to burden you with my stuff."

"If I thought it would be a burden, I wouldn't have offered. You've been such a good friend to me since I moved here and Claire absolutely adores you; the least I can do is listen to you and try to offer up my perspective on things."

"Okay, but I just have to ask how you know about the wolves. Who told you? How long have you known? Why haven't you told anyone? How did you know that I knew?" The questions tumbled out of me, and Laura smiled at my curiosity.

"No one told me. I guess I figured it out on my own." She shrugged her shoulders, and I had to laugh about how much she reminded me of myself when I discovered the truth about Edward and the Cullens.

"What?" she asked.

"You just reminded me of myself, that's all. They all think they are blending in so well that no one will ever know the difference, but that's really not the case, is it?" We both had a good laugh about the supernatural creatures in our midst, thinking they were fooling the stupid humans.

"I mean, really, how can you not put two and two together?" Laura giggled. "Here you have ten young people, all freakishly built who seems to have something against clothes, eat massive amounts of food and are hot to the touch. Not to mention how they sometimes simply disappear for no apparent reason, are referred to as 'the pack' and how they are obviously highly regarded by the elders. One of those things would be unusual, but put them all together, and you quickly realize that something very unusual is going on."

"Yeah, but how did you take the leap from 'unusual' to wolves?"

"The old legends the elders tell at bonfires," she said, and then burst out laughing again. "And I might have seen Quil explode out of his clothes, turning into a huge wolf."

"What? You saw him phase, and he didn't notice?" It didn't really surprise me, Quil had a tendency to be careless and often got in trouble for saying or doing stupid things.

"He had no idea," Laura exclaimed. "He can be so clueless sometimes. I'm just glad I was alone when it happened—not sure how I would have explained it to Claire."

"Oh, that would have been bad! You can't really expect a toddler to keep a secret like that." I took another sip of my tea and listened to the noises of the beautiful little girl in her room, happily chatting away to her dolls. The thought of her being exposed to the dark truths about the supernatural made me shiver, and all traces of laughter died down. I looked up and saw Laura looking at me, waiting for me to open up.

With a sigh I launched into my story. I told her about how I had met Edward, figured out what he was, and how I fell in love with him and his entire family. I told her how they abandoned me, how Jake had put the broken pieces of me together again, about the arrangement Jake and I had, about him imprinting, about the Cullens returning, having sex with Paul and finally what had happened this morning.

When I had finished, I got up and walked outside for a while. I needed some air, and I wanted to give Laura a chance to gather her thoughts. She had been quietly listening to me, without interrupting once, and by the time I had told her everything she had a bewildered look in her eyes. I knew she was a lot like me, she needed some time to process what she had heard, and I was more than willing to give it to her.

The fresh air felt wonderful against my face, and I took a moment to allow myself to enjoy the peace and quiet. There was something so soothing about La Push. It wasn't just the sounds of the waves breaking on the shore; it was the connection to the spirits the Quileutes felt, the way everyone looked after each other, and the friendly atmosphere. As much as I had come to appreciate Forks, I felt more at home in La Push than I did in Forks. People here cared about one another without being nosy or pushy.

"Bella, I'm going to get dinner started," Laura called out to me. I guess I had been standing on the porch longer than I thought. I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and started to feel hungry. I walked back into the house and saw Laura pulling stuff out of the fridge.

"Can I help?" I asked, feeling a little embarrassed about more or less inviting myself to stay and eat with them. I just couldn't leave yet; I wanted to hear what Laura thought of everything I had told her, and I hoped she had some advice for me. Maybe I should go home for a while, grab something to eat, and then come back later?

"Sure, if you want to," she said, giving me a stern look. "You are staying for dinner, so don't even think about it." _I really was like an open book_.

"Actually, if you don't mind, you could give Claire a bath while I make dinner; that way she's ready for bed earlier, and we'll have time to talk. She's always tired after a day on the beach, and she likes having dinner in her pj's."

"Um, I don't know how to," I said sheepishly. I had never given anyone a bath before. "Why don't I cook and you'll help Claire?" _Yes, that I could do_. I knew how to cook, and the only person in risk of injury in the kitchen was me, not an innocent little girl.

"You can do it," Laura giggled. "You can face vampires and werewolves, but giving a toddler a bath is scaring you? Claire will help tell you what to do, and I know she would be thrilled to get to spend some quality time with you." _Okay_, _now I know where Claire got her puppy dog eyes from_.

"All right," I grumbled. "But if I end up getting shampoo in her eyes or drowning her or something, don't say I didn't warn you." I made my way towards Claire's room to the sounds of Laura's laughter, telling myself that I could do this.

A couple of hours later, I sat on the couch in Laura's living room feeling more relaxed than I had in a long while. I had managed quite successfully to give Claire a bath and help her into her pink pj's. Laura was right; Claire had been the picture of happiness when I showed up asking if I could help her with her bath. We had been giggling and chatting the whole time, and I couldn't wait to repeat the experience.

During dinner, Claire entertained us with stories about what her dolls were doing, and I felt the stress of the day start to melt away. After dinner Claire and I had crawled up in her bed where I had read to her until she fell asleep with her head in my lap. I had almost dozed off myself when Laura popped her head in and smiled at the sight in front of her. I extricated myself from the sleeping child and went to the living room, giving Laura a moment with her daughter.

"Thank you, Bella," Laura said when she came and joined me on the couch. "This evening meant a lot to both Claire and me."

"What are you thanking me for? You were the one to take pity of my pathetic crying self and showed me how beautiful family life can be." It was true; my desire to have a family of my own someday was now firmly cemented, and it was all thanks to Claire and Laura.

"I'm thanking you for bringing the light back to my baby's eyes," she said with tears in her eyes. "It's been a hard year, with the loss of her father and then moving here. Everyone has been great to us, and the pack has definitely lifted her spirits, but the evenings are still difficult. Matthew used to read to her every night, and she always misses him the most when it's bedtime."

I wrapped my arms around Laura's shoulders when her tears turned into a quiet cry. My problems suddenly seemed so insignificant in comparison; Laura had lost her husband and was raising her daughter on her own. I had, what, been dumped by a boyfriend?

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, pulling herself together. "I just needed a good cry; thank you for lending me a shoulder."

"No problem. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her after she had finished blowing her nose. She pulled her legs up beneath her on the couch and took a sip of her water.

"No, I'm fine. I want to talk about you, and about all the things you told me earlier."

"I feel silly now," I started a little sheepishly, but stopped myself when I saw the look of reprimand in Laura's eyes.

"You're not silly at all; those were some pretty life-altering things that happened to you. Don't go trivializing it now."

"Okay," I sighed, not knowing where to begin. "I don't know what to say, where to begin."

"Why don't we start with the wolf part of the equation?" Laura said with a little laugh. "How do you really feel about Jacob imprinting?"

"I'm happy for him," I stated with conviction, but Laura didn't seem convinced. "I really am!"

"Mm hm, I'm sure you are happy for him, but how does it make _you_ feel?"

"I'm happy…" I hesitated; I hadn't had much time to really think about how I felt about it. "I don't know… I guess I feel a bit torn?" It came out sounding as question more than anything else.

"Go on," she urged me.

"I always knew he would imprint one day; he's the rightful Alpha after all." Laura looked a little surprised, and I realized that she might know about the pack, but there were still a lot she didn't know.

"It's his heritage to be Alpha; he just doesn't want the position, not yet anyway," I offered a quick explanation, and she nodded for me to continue. "I thought I was prepared for it to happen, but I don't think I really was." I felt as if I suddenly stared the truth in the eye. I really wasn't prepared for Jake to imprint.

"How could you be?" she asked me in a soft voice. "You can never be fully prepared for matters of the heart."

"Yeah, but I wasn't in love with Jake." _Wow, I sound naïve_. "I love him, and I guess I'm afraid that I'll lose him completely?" _There I go with the question again_.

"Why do you think you would lose him? Don't you think he will still be your friend?"

I thought about it for a minute. "I think that if it's up to him, he will always be my friend. I'm just scared that it's not all up to him anymore. I'm worried she won't want him to be friends with me and that he will have no choice but to do as she says." Once the words started to leave my mouth, I couldn't seem to stop them.

"The power of the imprint is so strong, the wolves' main priority in life is to make their imprint happy, whatever it takes. What if she hates me? What if she thinks I want him and sees me as a threat? What if -?"

"Okay, stop!" she cut me off. "No more 'what if's', they never do any good. Take a deep breath and think about his character. You know Jacob, probably better than anyone. No matter what his imprint wants, would he really abandon you?"

I did as she said and really thought of Jake: his loyalty, his honesty, his willingness to fight for what he believed in, his unwavering support in his friends and family, and I knew that he would always be my friend. Our relationship would change, but we would always be friends.

"Judging by the way you're smiling, I would venture a guess that you've come to the conclusion that Jacob will always be in your life."

"Yeah, thank you for making me realize that." I felt a huge relief, and I just hoped I wouldn't be proven wrong.

"So, now that the issue of Jacob's imprinting is out of the way, let's talk about Paul," Laura said with a huge grin on her face. _Uh oh_.

"You mean how he got hurt today?" I tried to weasel my way out of it.

"Don't you chicken out now, Bella. You know very well what I'm talking about."

"Um…" I reached for my glass, suddenly feeling very dry in my mouth.

"I have to admit that I'm a bit curious," she almost whispered. "I mean, he's so damn sexy!"

We both broke down laughing like a couple of schoolgirls. I had never had a _real _girl talk with anyone before, and I realized that I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would.

"Oh, you have no idea," I chuckled. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, I'm assuming he knew what he was doing?" she giggled, and blushed a little.

"He _definitely _knew what he was doing," I said in a dreamy voice. "Hey, what are you doing to me?" Who was this girl sitting here gushing over a guy's prowess in the bedroom?

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't mean to pry; I've heard a lot of rumors about Paul, and I guess my curiosity got the best of me." She looked really apologetic and embarrassed, and I gave her a smile to show her that I wasn't upset.

"What I really wanted to know was how you feel about it now. Do you regret it?"

_Do I regret it_? "No, I don't think so..." I paused to think about it. "No, I don't regret it; it was an amazing night, and it was exactly what I needed at the time. The part I feel a bit bad about is that it happened so soon after Jake imprinted."

"Have you told him?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure he knows by now," I laughed humorlessly, thinking of the pack mind.

"How do you think he will feel about it?" Laura asked in a concerned voice.

"I have no idea." I sounded as unsure as I felt. I really hoped my sleeping with Paul wouldn't affect the friendship between Jake and me, at least not more than his imprinting would. _Geez, there were a lot of unknowns between us all of a sudden._

I got up from the couch and walked over to the window. It had started to get dark outside, and I realized I didn't know where I was supposed to spend the night. My stuff was still at Paul's, but I wasn't sure it would be a good idea to spend another night there. Not that I thought anything like last night would happen again, but it might give the wrong impression. _Wrong impression to whom?_ Did I really care what anyone thought?

"Are you ready to talk about the vampire part of your life's drama?" Laura tried to lighten the mood, but it didn't quite work.

I sighed and sat back down on the couch. "Yeah, I guess so. I just don't know what to make of it. I'm so confused."

"Well, let's see if we can clear some things up, shall we?" She sounded so eager to help, and I couldn't help but smile at her. I realized that it probably felt good for her to be able to help someone else for a change, having been on the receiving end since the death of her husband.

"How did it feel to see them again?"

"Shocking," I snorted. "It was supposed to be like they never existed, and here they were again."

"And after the shock subsided, how did you feel then?" she prodded.

"Confused," I hedged, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "I'm just going to get some more water," I said, standing up and grabbing my glass. "Can I get you anything?"

She declined, and I went to the kitchen to refill my glass. I knew I should talk to Laura about how I really felt about the Cullens, and about Edward, but I was afraid if I opened up, I would break down again. I steeled myself and went back into the living room.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Laura said, understanding in her voice. "But I don't think it's good for you to keep everything bottled up."

I plopped back down on the couch, spilling some water on my shirt in the process. "I know," I sighed, taking a big gulp of the water and then placing the glass on the table, at a safe distance from my flaying limbs.

"I've tried the bottle-up-thing, and I ended up in a catatonic state, I'm not doing that again," I stated with more conviction that I felt. "I just don't know how I feel."

"Okay, let me tell you how I think you feel, and then you can correct me if I'm wrong. Deal?"

"Sure," I agreed, curious to find out what she would say.

"I think that you're feeling very torn at the moment. You were essentially abandoned in the cruelest way by a bunch of people you loved, considered family even. Your boyfriend, who you were willing to give up everything for, even life itself, told you he didn't love you and that you weren't good enough for him. You felt as if you had nothing left; no love, no family, and no self-worth."

Her words brought me back to the night when Edward left me in the woods, and the tears started to pool in my eyes. I felt the familiar pain in my chest, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to keep the hole from opening up again.

"You went into a deep depression, and were in pain for months, but you eventually managed to fight back, and in the process you discovered new aspects about yourself. You grew up, became more confident, and found your inner strength." Laura looked at me with pride in her eyes, and reached out and squeezed my hand.

"Then, when you finally felt happy again," she continued with a sigh, "they came back. Now you feel confused, and you don't know what to believe. You still love them, but you're hurt that they left you like that. You want them back in your life, but you're afraid to let them in, in case they hurt you all over again. You're angry at them, but in order to resolve your anger with them, you have to show your pain, and that makes you vulnerable. Your pride is also getting in your way of being honest with them."

_Wow, she's good!_

"To make things even more confusing, your ex, Edward?" she asked. I nodded, confirming that she got the name right.

"Edward tells you that he never stopped loving you, that he left to protect you, and that everything you've believed to be true about him for the last year was a lie." I was nodding my head furiously, urging her to go on.

"I'm guessing that seeing him again brought back a lot of your old feelings? You always have a special place in your heart for your first love, and to hear him say he still loves you forces you to confront your feelings for him. Am I getting it right so far?"

"Definitely," I choked out, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

"So the question then becomes; how do you feel about him now?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Don't think, just talk," she advised me. "Just let yourself go, and speak from your heart."

"Okay," I sighed, trying really hard to do as she said. "I'm angry with him. I don't know if I should believe what he told me when he left, or what he told me today. I feel like he's playing games with me, and it pisses me off!" I stood up, feeling the need to pace across the floor as I opened up my heart.

"I don't know what he wants from me, and I don't trust him." My anger deflated, and the sadness returned. "But when I looked at him today, and he looked so heartbroken, I just…"

"You just…what, Bella?" Laura pushed me with a soft voice.

"I just wanted to take his pain away," I admitted, slumping down beside her. "I don't want him to hurt. I want to see that crooked smile again and hear his laughter. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything's going to be all right."

"And…?"

"And…and I want to slap him and scream at him and curse him for doing this to me!"

"You still love him." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes," I admitted.

"Are you still _in_ love with him?"

"I…" I didn't know what to say. _Was I still in love with him?_

"I'll give you a minute to think about it," Laura said and stood up. "I'm going to get some sheets and pillows so we can make up the couch for you." I just stared at her dumbly, not quite following.

"You're spending the night here," she chuckled at my confused expression.

"Oh," I replied brilliantly. "But my stuff is over at Paul's."

"I'll give Emily a call and have one of the boys bring it over."

"Okay," I acquiesced. Laura left to take care of things, and I was left to my thoughts. I called out to her, saying I was just going to step out on the porch.

The fresh night air hit my face, and I instantly relaxed when I smelled the unique blend of salt water and forest that was La Push. I took a couple of deep breaths and began to analyze my feelings for Edward.

I knew that I would always love and care about him, but that didn't mean I was in love with him. If what he said was true, and he left to keep me safe, did that mean he wanted me back now? Did I want him back? If I got back together with him, was he going to leave me again at the first sign of trouble?

What about the rest of the Cullens? Did they really care about me? Was their affection dependent on me being with Edward?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had a million questions and very few answers. When Edward had told me he loved me, I had panicked and run away. I hadn't even stayed long enough to find out how long they were going to stay in Forks. I knew I had to go back and talk to them, or I would never be able to come to any sort of conclusion about my feelings.

_Dammit, I guess tomorrow won't be drama free either_.

**Unknown POV**

"Is everything still going according to plan?" he demanded to know, and I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"There have been a few changes, but things are falling into place again," I answered, eager to satisfy him.

"I don't care how you go about it, as long as the end result is the same." His voice was still stern, but I could hear him softening up a little.

"I can assure you that you will be pleased, and you won't have to wait much longer."

"Good," he praised, and I smiled, knowing I had managed to placate him for the moment. _Not long now_, I thought to myself, and I will finally have everything I've been working so hard for. Just a few problems to get rid of, and then my new life could begin.


	8. Chapter 8

Just a quick note… There is no baby imprinting in this story. I don't care how you justify it, that shit is just wrong. shudders In other words; Quil did NOT imprint on Claire.

I'm not having luck with my betas at the moment; my new one has gone AWOL. Thankfully the great Maxipoo1024, creator of the amazing Sparkly Red Pen, took pity on me and cleaned this chapter up. Thank you so much Max, you're the best!

As always, I have to thank Simaril and Verseseven. I would be lost without you, and I flove you hard!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

I felt her coming long before I could smell her. Her emotions were screaming at me; she was feeling concerned, worried, relieved, and guilty. I knew she had tried to stay away as long as possible to give me a chance to think, but she couldn't help herself any longer. I didn't mind the interruption. I had been mulling over Bella's revelation for the better part of the night and the more I thought about it, the more questions arose.

"It's okay, you can come join me," I called out to her. She walked over slowly and sat down on the big rock next to me. She was eyeing me with caution, and I could feel her hesitance.

I sighed, "Just say what you want to say, Rose."

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry," she said, the guilt and sadness she felt was overwhelming. "I'm happy for you. You can let go of some of the guilt you've been carrying around, but I feel guilty for the way I've treated you. All this time I've been blaming you for forcing us to move every time you slipped up."

"You don't have to apologize to me. You didn't know," I said and scoffed. "Fuck, I didn't even know."

"Yes, I know, but I still want to say I'm sorry for ever thinking you were weak."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Rose, but I gave you a lot of proof of my weakness."

"But you're not weak, Jasper. You're probably the strongest of us all. We all have problems controlling our lust for human blood on occasion, and you've had to shoulder our struggles and desires on top of your own. It's a wonder you haven't slipped more than you have!" Her voice spoke of her incredulity and, reluctantly, I had to agree with her.

It was hard to stop thinking about myself as weak. I had been the weak link in the family for decades, and I was used to feeling everyone's disappointment when I had lost control and fed off a human. I was always the one that needed monitoring, Edward making sure my thoughts were not too focused on the scent of human blood and Alice constantly checking the future to make sure I could be stopped when need be.

The confidence I'd had when I was human, and then later during the southern wars, chipped away a little more each year until there was hardly any left. I was treated as the weak one, and I felt weak.

"Don't you see, Jasper?" Rose urged me. "You're incredibly strong and you should be proud of yourself."

"I don't know if I would go that far." The thought of being proud of myself was so foreign, I had problems wrapping my head around the concept.

"You should be!" she exclaimed again, feeling frustrated that I was resisting. "You seemed so happy back at the house, it looked as if a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. What happened?"

"I am happy," I started, and gave Rose a stern look when she huffed at me. "I am relieved, I can feel the truth behind it and intellectually, I know it's not entirely my fault, but it's hard to take it to heart."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not so simple." I didn't know how to explain it to her; I wasn't sure myself what I was feeling at the moment.

"Let me ask you something," she said with a new sense of conviction. I motioned for her to go on.

"The times when you lost control, were you ever by yourself?" She was feeling very smug now, and I knew she had thought of something she figured would tip the scale for me.

"No, I was always with at least two members of the family. You know that, Rose."

"So every time you felt our desire, too, not just your own?" Her smile grew and I was starting to feel frustrated because she was misunderstanding what I was struggling with.

"I know what you're getting at, Rose, and that's not the problem." I jumped off the rock and started pacing back and forth, trying not to project my emotions. She was trying to help me, and I appreciated it, but I needed to work things out on my own.

"Well what is the problem then, Jasper? Tell me!" she demanded.

"The problem is..." I hedged, not knowing what to say. I felt a burst of annoyance from Rose and it fed my own feelings of frustration.

"You want to know what the problem is?" I sneered at her. "The problem is that I feel lost. If I'm not the weak person I've believed I was for centuries, then who the fuck am I?" I picked up a rock and crushed it in my hands, letting the dust fall to the ground.

"I've tried so hard since I met Alice to change who I was, to let go of the sadistic killing machine I was during the newborn wars, but if the person I changed into isn't really me either..." I couldn't continue.

"This goes far deeper than the blood lust issue," Rose stated, understanding dawning on her. She hopped off the rock and walked over to me.

"Look at me, Jasper," she said in a soft voice. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't know who you are."

I turned towards her and met her loving gaze. Rose and I had always been close, and she had a unique way of seeing straight through my bullshit and getting to the root of things. I felt her love for me as well as her support and worry.

"I don't..." I ran my fingers through my hair, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "I'm not sure who I am." As soon as the words left my mouth I felt a sense of relief coupled with a fierce sense of sadness. I had taken the first step towards admitting to myself that something was seriously wrong in my life, and I needed to do some soul searching.

"You need to, what humans call, 'find yourself'," Rose snickered, but I could feel her sincerity, and I knew she was right. I was over 150 years old and I didn't have a clue who I really was. It was time to change that.

I reached for her and engulfed her in a tight hug, thanking her for being there for me. She kissed my cheek and headed back home, leaving me to my thoughts.

_Okay, how the hell do I do this?_

I was totally out of my league and I had no idea where to go from here. I decided to go for a quick hunt to clear my head and help me focus. I had just drained a buck when my phone started ringing. _Dammit, I didn't want to be disturbed right now!_ I hoped that Rose would tell the family that I needed some time and to leave me alone for a while. Sighing, I pulled the phone out of my pocket and answered without checking the caller id.

"What?" I knew I was being rude but I didn't care.

"Well set me on an ant hill and squeeze jam in my ears! Aren't you being a peach today?"

"Peter," I growled, having no patience for his special brand of fuckery today. "Now's really not the time."

"Don't give me that crap, Major," he snarled. "Now's the perfect time, and you need to listen to me."

I took a deep breath and instantly calmed down; I knew by the change in Peter's voice that he had something important to say, and he had never steered me wrong in the past.

"Pulled your head out of your ass long enough to hear me out, have ya'?"

"Fuck off!" I snarled.

"Ah, see…you have to clean the shit out of your ears as well. They gotta be smack packed full of it after having been up there so long." He chuckled but I was not amused.

"Just say what you've got to say, Peter, and stop being an ass," I growled again. He really had the talent for getting on my nerves.

"I am saying it, Major. You're just not hearing me. You need to do some cleaning, and it's going to be a long bumpy road, but it'll all be worth it in the end."

"Cryptic, mother fucker, that's all you're giving me?" I asked with exasperation. This was really not helping me at all.

"Yep," he said, popping the 'p'. "And that you should go to some kind of clearing in the woods pretty soon."

"What the hell, Peter? Do you know how many clearings there are in the forest? Which one am I going to and why?"

"You know how it works, Jasper, I don't know more than I've told you; you just need to be there. It looks like some kind of roundish spot with wildflowers and shit growing everywhere. Looks like the perfect place to practice a little sparkly ball banging actually…maybe I should take Char and find the place myself…hm, she could get on her knees and—" I had enough and grumbled out a goodbye before hanging up on him.

I already knew way too much about his and Char's sex life. I didn't need the details as well. It only proved, yet again, what I was missing out on. Alice and I had sex, of course, but it wasn't often, and it was never the kind of wild sex that Peter and Char had. Fuck, even Carlisle and Esme had a more active love life than Alice and I had.

A few years into our relationship, I had resigned myself to the fact that the missionary position and the occasional cowgirl was all I was getting and stopped trying to change things up. Alice was happy with things the way there were, and I was content enough to finally live in a peaceful environment. Moping about the things lacking in our sex life seemed very petty to me.

Pushing away the thoughts of my depressing sex life, I buried the carcass of the buck I had drained and tried to figure out what clearing Peter was talking about. The only place I came up with was the meadow that Edward and Bella used to go to. I had never been there, but I had heard them describe it, and I knew the general direction of it. I had no idea why I would need to go there or what I would find, but I trusted Peter and I knew if he got one of his 'feelings' it was usually best to do as he said.

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

I woke up to a giggling Claire bouncing on my stomach, squealing about how happy she was that I was there when she woke up. After playing around for a while, we ate breakfast and got ready for the day. I realized that I didn't have the phone number for the Cullens and had to call Sam to get it. He had been concerned about me but thankfully didn't argue about me meeting them without wolf escort today. I promised him I would stop by later so he could make sure I was still in one piece.

I thanked Laura and Claire for their hospitality and hopped into my truck that Embry brought along with my bag last night. I called Edward and we had made arrangements to meet up at the Cullen house and then go somewhere a little more private so we could talk. On my drive over there, I thought of all the questions I had for him, and I tried to tell myself to have an open mind to whatever he was going to tell me. I was going to listen to him, but I was not going to ignore my own thoughts and feelings like I used to do when we were together. I would stay true to myself and show Edward the 'real' Bella Swan, and if he didn't like her, it was his loss.

_Nice pep talk_. I mentally rolled my eyes at my own thoughts as I drove up and parked the car in front of the big white house. Edward instantly appeared and opened the door for me, helping me out of the truck.

"Hello, Bella, thank you for coming by today," he said very politely.

"Hi, Edward," I responded as I took in the sight in front of me. Edward looked amazing as usual, in his dark blue jeans and immaculate grey shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"Alice has informed me that the sun will be out in a while, so I thought we could go to our meadow," Edward said, looking almost apologetic. "If that is okay with you, of course. We can go somewhere else if you prefer."

I didn't quite know how to interpret his expression, so I just shrugged and said that the meadow would be fine. I hopped on to his back and he took off running. The sensation was totally different than I remembered. I used to be scared and get kind of nauseous, but now I reveled in the feeling of speed and the wind blowing through my hair.

We arrived at the meadow and Edward let me down gently, holding onto me as if I wouldn't be able to stand on my own. I shook his hands away and took a couple of steps, looking around to see that the meadow looked exactly like it did when Edward and I used to spend time here. The wilted dead place that surrounded me the last time I was here was a thing of the past, and it felt like a metaphor for my own transformation since then. I had been wilted and practically dead inside when I ran into Laurent and the wolves came and saved me. The pack had ended up saving me in more than the literal sense of the word. Without them, I wouldn't be the person I was now, and I would forever be grateful to them for helping me find myself.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked concerned. "Do you need to sit down?"

"I'm fine," I chuckled. "But I'd like to sit down, anyway, so we can talk."

We sat down facing each other. There was an awkward silence, neither of us knowing where to begin.

"I've missed–"

"I have ques–"

We both started talking at the same time and the laughter it caused was enough to break the tension.

"Ladies first," Edward said with a chortle.

"Okay, I've got a lot of questions," I started. "I guess the first one is why?"

"Why, what?" he asked looking slightly confused.

"Why did you leave? Why did you lie? Why are you back?"

"Okay, I'll start with the first why," he smiled wistfully. "The one thing that matters most to me is that you are safe, Bella, and it became clear to me that you were no longer safe with us around."

"Yeah, I was _so_ much safer with a psycho vampire after me without the nuisance of seven other vampires around to protect me," I scoffed.

"I was wrong, I realize that, and I can't apologize enough for not taking Victoria into account. I thought she would go after me and not you, and I tried to track her down, but I was unsuccessful."

"Taking Victoria out of the equation for a while," I said. "You left to keep me safe. Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes. You were constantly in danger around us; it was only a matter of time before you would get hurt or worse."

"So you decided that the best thing for me would be if you left?" I asked slowly.

"Yes," he sounded relieved that I understood.

"And who gave you the right to decide what was best for me?" I bristled.

"I..." he faltered.

"You don't think I've got a right to have a say in my own life? For fuck's sake, I'm not a child, Edward, stop treating me like one!"

"I don't mean to treat you like a child, Bella," he said, and I could hear that he really meant it. My anger subsided a little, and I reminded myself that I was going to hear him out.

"You may not _mean _to do it, Edward, but you do," I said calmly needing him to understand. "You never treated me as an equal. You always made decisions for me, and I was stupid enough to let you get away with it. I've done a lot of growing up since you left, and I've got a different perspective on things now."

"I can see that you've grown up, Bella, and it suits you. That's what I always wanted for you, to be safe and human," Edward said in a soft voice and reached over to hold my hand.

"Thank you," I started and pulled my hand away. "I'm grateful for that now, but you went about it all wrong. You didn't respect my wishes and you tore me apart in your effort to keep me safe. You should have just told me the truth." That was the part I didn't understand. Why did he have to break me completely?

"I'm so sorry about the atrocious things I said to you that day; I thought it was the only way to get you to let me go. I never expected you to believe me so easily, though," he almost whispered out and I could see the pain in his eyes when he thought of our last moments together.

"In my head, it never made sense for you to love me, so when you said you didn't want me anymore, it confirmed my beliefs."

"It never made sense for _you_ to love _me_, Bella," he stated with conviction. "You were constantly in danger around me and it's my job to protect you, so I had to leave."

"Who hired you for that job? I never asked for your protection. I only wanted your love." My voice almost broke from reliving the past.

"You have it, Bella, you've always had it," he said, once again reaching for my hand. This time I let him take it. It felt odd to feel his cool touch again, but it wasn't unpleasant.

"I love you so much, Bella. Can you ever forgive me for what I did?" he pleaded with me.

"I don't know, Edward, I need some more answers before I can even begin to think about forgiveness."

"Anything," he proclaimed.

"Why did you come back and how long are you staying?"

"I couldn't stay away any longer. It was driving me insane to be away from you," he said with a humorless laugh, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked.

"I was a mess, Bella," he said and started to softly caress my hand. "I was holed up in an attic in South America. I didn't talk to anyone, never answered my phone when my family called. I hardly ever hunted and I kept having hallucinations of you." _Huh, sounded as if Edward and I had quite parallel reactions._

"You weren't with your family?" I could sympathize with his pain, having lived through something similar, but the difference was that he had the knowledge of the truth. He knew I loved him, and he willingly walked away from that.

"No, I couldn't be around them," Edward said sadly. "They were constantly thinking of you and it hurt too much to listen to how much they missed you, knowing I was the cause of their heartache."

"So you left them too?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," he answered, bowing his head in shame.

I yanked my hand away from his and stood up. "You're telling me that some of the others didn't want to leave but you made them?"

"Yes."

"And then you up and left them as well? What the hell, Edward?" I shouted, feeling the pent up anger I had towards him starting to seep out.

"I made many mistakes. I know that now," he admitted.

"That's an understatement," I huffed. "You thought, in your infinite wisdom, that you knew what was best for everyone and as soon as you got what you wanted, you ran away like a selfish child instead of staying and facing the consequences of your actions."

I was pacing back and forth in front of Edward, who looked completely heartbroken, and that just made me angrier. _What right did he have to be sad? This was all his doing!_

"And now you're back, telling me you love me?" I continued with my voice raised. "That you left _because_ you loved me! That's even worse than believing you left because you didn't want me anymore." Edward's head snapped up and he met my gaze with confusion clear in his eyes.

"You don't get it?" I mocked. "Of course you don't! It was extremely hard for me for the first months after you left, but I tried to find comfort in the thought that at least you and your family were happy wherever you were. I thought of you not having to fight your blood lust around me on a daily basis, and about Jasper not having to struggle with being around 'the human' anymore, and about Emmett not being forced to fight his wife about spending time with me." I stopped and took a breath, trying to fight off the tears. I hated that my tear ducts were connected to my anger.

"To know that you did love me makes it so much worse. You knew how insecure I was, and you used all my weaknesses against me. You took me into the woods and lied to my face. You _crushed_ me, and you did it deliberately to make it easier for yourself.

"Bella," Edward said with agony and I felt happy that he was hurting. His _love_ broke me.

"Don't," I said, holding my hand up to stop him. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say at the moment.

"How long are you staying in Forks?" I asked, wanting this conversation to be over with.

"For as long as you'll have us here," he said, getting to his feet. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it up to you, Bella. Please tell me that you might find it in your heart to forgive me someday." He reached out for me, but wisely refrained from touching me, and instead put his hand in his pocket.

"I don't know, Edward," I said, shaking my head. "I'll probably be able to forgive you some day, but I will never forget." He looked at me and I knew he thought of the words he used the day he left me.

"For someone who's spent almost a century reading people's minds, you really don't have a clue about humans do you? You think that just because we don't have the perfect photographic memories that vampires have, our memories are like sieves? We might not be able to clearly remember every single detail, but there's no chance of ever forgetting our first love or how they treated you." I sighed and tried to figure out how to explain it to him.

"Have you never heard elderly people talk or think of their past and their first love?" I asked.

"Yes, but-" I cut him off.

"Falling in love for the first time and having a relationship with the person you love is a powerful thing. It changes you. You once told me that vampires rarely change and that falling in love is a huge deal. Well, it's a huge deal because it involves emotions. Raw, intense, powerful, frightening emotions. It's the same for humans! Anything that affects our emotions strongly like that is not something we're likely to forget."

"I'm sorry, Bella, I really-," Edward started but I cut him off again.

"I don't want your apology, Edward. You've already said you're sorry and it doesn't change anything." It was nice to hear that he was sorry, but I wouldn't tell him that and at this point it wasn't enough.

"Please, let me try to explain," he begged. I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to continue

"I've spend decades being forced to listen to the minds of teenaged girls. I've heard them thinking about how much they love their boyfriends and how they want to spend the rest of their life with them. I've heard how heartbroken they've been when the relationships ended and how after a few months, or in many cases only a few weeks, they're in love with someone else and seem to have more or less forgotten about the first boy."

"And what? You thought I was that insipid and shallow?" I asked, somewhere between angry and insulted.

"No, I thought that was the way the mind of a human teenaged girl worked," he said, not sounding quite as contrite as I would have liked. _Did he still not get it?_

"If you could just get off your high horse for a moment and stop focusing on the differences between vampires and humans, you'd see that there are in fact a lot of similarities as well!"

"I'm not-" he started, but promptly shut his mouth when he saw the expression on my face. I was fuming with anger.

"I doubt very much that every vampire mind works the same way. It's all dependent on the personality and it's the same with humans." _For Christ's sake, did I really need to explain this to a century old mind reader?_ I turned around and took a couple of steps away from him, knowing he could hear me just as well with my back turned. I couldn't look at him and say the next thing I needed to say.

"If you really loved me as much as you say you did-"

This time it was Edward who interrupted me with something that sounded like a whispered, "Do."

I spun around and faced him again. "What?" I asked. I didn't know if I was questioning his interruption me or if I was asking what he said. Either way, I felt like things were spiraling out of control and I didn't have the power to stop it.

"I said 'do', not did," Edward emphasized. "I _do_ love you, present tense."

"Yeah, whatever," I dismissed him, causing him to frown.

"If you loved me as much as you say you did," I started over, completely ignoring his last declaration, "you would have known that I wasn't like those girls."

My anger faded away and I was left feeling tired and deflated. I plopped down on the ground and bared my heart.

"If you love someone, you want to know everything about them and really get to know them. You never showed enough interest in me to bother with figuring out how I worked." The hole in my chest was beginning to remind me that I was walking down treacherous roads but I continued on. I needed to get everything off of my chest if I would ever have a chance of really letting go of my past.

"Because you couldn't read my mind, you were forced to get to know me the traditional way, but you never really did."

Edward sat down next to me and seemed to wait for me to grant him permission to speak. I nodded my head and he took a deep breath.

"I admit that I didn't know you as well as I should, as well as I would like," he spoke in a soft voice. "I was overwhelmed by my feelings for you, and I was constantly afraid that I was going to hurt you."

"But you _did_ hurt me, Edward. I always knew there was a risk I would be hurt, physically, but what you did was so much worse." The tears started to roll down my cheeks and Edward gently wiped them away.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, and this time I let him apologize. I could see the sincerity and pain in his eyes, and I broke down and started to really cry. Edward pulled me close and held me while I finally allowed myself to mourn everything that we'd had, what we lost and could never get back.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry," he chanted until his voice broke and he started to sob. We clutched each other tight and just cried.

The pain in my chest was excruciating, but somehow it still felt good. I realized that as far as I had come over the last months, there was still a lot I was keeping bottled up inside. I was letting it go today and the relief was virtually palpable.

The tears finally ebbed and I took a deep breath. I felt exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I lifted a huge weight off my shoulders that I hadn't even known was there, and I felt free. I started to pull back from Edward's embrace, but he wouldn't let me. His arms tightened around my waist to the point of it almost being painful.

"Edward," I said, hoping that the sound of my voice would alert him to the fact that I wanted to move.

"No," he murmured and buried his face into my hair without loosening his grip on me.

"Edward, let go," I urged. The only response I got was a barely noticeable shake of his head. I started to panic slightly. _What was he doing?_

"Let me go!" I ordered in a shaky voice.

"No," he said again and held on to me even tighter. My ribs started to hurt and I was beginning to freak out. I was out in the middle of nowhere with a vampire who wouldn't let go of me. I didn't know what was going on with Edward, and I started to fear that he would truly hurt me physically this time.

"Edward, please, you're hurting me," I called out but got no reaction whatsoever. Didn't he care anymore? I was used to him jumping away from me as soon as he thought I was in danger of being hurt by him and now, I actually uttered the words…and nothing.

"Let me go, Edward!" My fear began to overtake me and I foolishly punched my fists against his back. _Fuck, that hurt._ The pain in my ribs increased and my hands were throbbing. It got harder to breath due to the vise like grip he had on me and I didn't know what to do.

Suddenly I heard a growling sound and I looked up and saw Jasper approaching. I had never been more relieved to see someone in my whole life.

Jasper walked over to us slowly with a look of concentration on his face. I realized that he was probably 'speaking' to Edward through his mind but whatever he was saying wasn't helping. Edward didn't even acknowledge his presence other than with a low growl.

"Edward, you don't want to do this," Jasper said and I could feel him pushing some calm over us. "You need to let Bella go. She's in pain."

As soon as the words left Jasper's mouth, I was airborne and the pressure on my ribs disappeared. I realized with a start that I was standing at the far end of the meadow with Edward crouching in a protective stance in front of me. He was following every move Jasper made and his growl was now a constant. _What the hell?_

"Are you sure you want to do this, Edward?" Jasper calmly asked. _Do what?_ Why did Edward think Jasper was a threat? I was extremely confused, but I knew enough to stay still and silent. I had absolute trust in Jasper and somehow knew he could handle the situation. He exuded confidence as he stalked closer, and I was privy to a side of him that I had never seen before.

Edward's growls increased in volume but Jasper just smirked at him.

"You want to play, Eddie?" he mocked. I knew Edward hated being called Eddie and wondered why Jasper chose to use that name in this particular situation. It was almost as if he wanted to piss Edward off even more.

"Think you can take me? Well, come and try." Jasper made a come-hither motion with his fingers and Edward clenched his fists.

"Eddie-boy thinks he can protect the pretty little human all by himself," Jasper taunted him and winked in my direction, causing Edward to snarl and take a step forward. Understanding dawned on me. Jasper was goading Edward to get him to move away from me.

"She looks mighty fine, though," he was looking at me with penetrating eyes and I was mesmerized by him. I could feel the power he had and _holy shit_, it was hot.

"And given the reaction the wolf had to Emmett calling her 'squirt,' I bet she'd be _very_ interesting," he said suggestively. That was the last straw for Edward; he let out a frightening roar and rushed forward towards Jasper.

I stood frozen, watching Edward attack the second person in two days. Unlike Paul, though, Jasper didn't move a muscle as far as I could see. He stood absolutely still and waited for Edward to make his move. I couldn't really see what happened next. There was a blurry of motion and a few seconds later, I could see Edward lying face down on the ground with his arms pinned beneath him. Jasper had a knee on Edward's back and a firm grip on his head at an angle that looked like it meant, 'move and you'll lose it'.

I saw Jasper lean in and say something in Edward's ear. It was too low for me to hear but it seemed as if Edward was finally starting to calm down. Jasper let go of him and stood up and looked over at me, motioning for me to stay where I was. Edward was still lying on the ground, not moving an inch. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I figured it was better to stay quiet and leave Jasper to do his thing.

Instead of doing or saying anything to Edward, Jasper started to slowly walk towards me. He was looking at me intently, and I could feel a shiver going down my spine. He was in complete control of everything around him, including me, and I had never seen anything like it. He was absolutely magnificent and my body reacted to the sight in front of me. Jasper cocked an eyebrow and gave me a smirk. _Dammit, empath! Not the time for inappropriate feelings and reactions._

In an effort to get control of my hormones, I looked over at Edward, expecting him to be standing up by now but he was still lying motionless. It was not normal behavior, but then again, nothing about the past ten minutes could be classified as normal behavior, at least not to me.

Jasper came to a stop right in front of me and his presence seemed to demand my attention. He reached out a hand and tucked a few stray hairs of mine behind my ear. It was an incredibly sweet gesture, and I marveled at the difference in his demeanor from the lethal vampire a few minutes ago to this gentle man.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked. "I'm sorry I said those things about you. I had to get under Edward's skin enough to get him away from you and the only thing that gave me the reaction I was looking for was playing on his jealousy." He sounded genuinely concerned about hurting my feelings and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't worry about it, Jasper, it takes a lot more than that these days to get to me. I'm just wondering what happened and why is he still laying over there, not moving?"

"I had to hit him with a heavy dose of calm, so he's basically passed out for the moment. He'll be alright in a while."

_Wow!_ I didn't know Jasper could make vampires pass out. He really was incredibly powerful. Jasper must have felt my surprise and awe because he gave me a small nod and smile before continuing his explanation.

"Edward lost control of his emotions earlier. He felt he was losing you and it was breaking his heart to the point where his vampire instincts kicked in and he reacted to me as if I was a threat to you."

"Oh," was my brilliant response. The thought of Edward being heartbroken was painful and I didn't want him to hurt, at least not that much. The emotional roller coaster I had been on started to take its toll on me, and I dropped down to sit cross-legged on the ground again.

Jasper made his way over to Edward and crouched down next to him and put his hand on Edward's shoulder. He must have manipulated Edward's emotions because all of a sudden it was as if he woke up. Edward stood up, looking slightly confused, and then looked over at me.

"Oh God," he croaked. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say and chose to simply nod my head.

"She's okay, Edward," Jasper said. "Go for a run and do some hunting to sort yourself out. I'll make sure Bella gets home in one piece."

Edward looked torn and the pain in his eyes tore at my heart. After a long moment of looking each other in the eye, he lowered his head, turned around and left.

Jasper came back and sat down next to me.

"Looks like it's just you and me now, darlin'."

"What are you doing here, Jasper? Did Alice send you?" I asked, curious about how he knew he was needed here.

"No, Alice didn't send me," he said, sounding a little sad. "I was in the area when I heard your struggle. I needed a bit of space from the family. Turns out it was a good thing."

"You needed space?" I tilted my head to the side and wondered why he looked so somber. When I left yesterday, he had seemed so relieved and happy. What had happened since then?

"Yeah, your realization about the blood lust has left me with some things to...consider. I don't want to bore you with it, though."

"You won't," I disputed. "I've got time. Charlie doesn't get home until tonight, and I'm a good listener." I didn't want to push him but if he wanted to talk about it, I wanted him to know that I was here for him.

He sighed, nodded his head and projected his gratitude. I had a feeling we were starting to form a great friendship.


	9. Chapter 9

I have a new beta (again)! Her Mighty Ubergeekness (love the name btw) has worked miracles with this chapter and she's teaching me all about dialogue tags and action beats. ;-) She's been absolutely awesome and deserves a lot of love. MWAH

As always, I have to thank Simaril and Verseseven. I would be lost without you, and I flove you hard!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Bells, could you come down here for a minute?" Charlie hollered from downstairs.

"Sure, dad," I yelled back. I stuck a bookmark in the book I was reading and went down to see what he wanted. He was standing in front of the mirror in the hallway, looking flushed and frustrated.

"This damn thing won't cooperate with me," he said. Glaring at the crooked tie around his neck. I tried hard not to laugh out loud, but I couldn't fight off my smile, which earned me a scowl from Charlie.

"Forgotten how to tie a tie, dad?" I asked with a chuckle. I had never seen him this nervous before; it was quite endearing. He was going on a "real" date tonight with the woman he had met in Olympia. The training series had ended last week, and since he wouldn't run into her at lunch anymore, he had mustered up the courage to ask her out. It was clear that even if the two of them had been seeing each other for weeks, the date tonight signified a change in their relationship, and it was taking a toll on his nerves.

"Yeah, yeah, make fun of your old man," he huffed. I took pity on him.

"I'm sorry," I said. I reached up to straighten out the tie and fix the collar of his shirt.

"There, perfect," I announced. I took a step back to look him over. He eyed me warily and waited for my verdict.

"You clean up nice, dad." I complemented him, causing a light blush to appear on his cheeks.

"Thanks," he mumbled, looking pleased but embarrassed.

"Looks like you're ready for your big night." I teased him. He had declared that the date wasn't a big deal, and I didn't know if he was trying to convince me or himself. It was a huge deal for Charlie to go on a date, and we both knew it, but I understood his need to try to play it down. He was nervous and out of his element.

"You sure you're okay with this, kiddo?" he asked me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You've asked me that about ten times now, and my answer hasn't changed. I'm _more _than okay with it, dad, I'm happy for you."

"Yeah, I just…" I knew he had been worried about how I would react to him dating someone, but I was genuinely happy for him. He had been alone for far too long, and he deserved to experience love again.

"Yeah, I know," I said. I leaned in to give him a hug. Our relationship had changed a lot during the last months; we had started to talk more and got to know each other on a new level. I had realized that Charlie and I had a lot more in common than I would have imagined, we had a similar outlook on life, and he was full of helpful advice. He also had a great sense of humor. We had begun to spend quality time together every Wednesday evening together, watching movies, playing cards, or simply talking. I found that I really enjoyed spending time with him, and we'd grown quite close.

"You be careful tonight, Bells." Charlie insisted. "I don't like the idea of you going out partying, and I'm not even home in case anything happens."

"Dad." I warned, "we've talked about this. I'm going to a party with some friends. Normal stuff for a teenager, remember?" By the look on his face I could tell that he regretted ever saying something about wishing I would spend less time around the house and more time out with friends like a normal teenager.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "You've got your phone with you so I can reach you if I need to, but nothing's going to happen. I want you to enjoy your evening and not worry about me." I couldn't really tell him that it was extremely unlikely I'd get into any trouble, seeing as I was going to be protected by five vampires, but I didn't want him to be worried about me.

"I'll always worry about you, kiddo, it comes with the territory." He smiled.

"Dad…"

"I know, I know." He chuckled, raising his hands up in defeat. "You have a good time and I'll see you tomorrow."

"You too, and be safe." As soon as the usual parting words left my mouth I realized that they could be taken in a completely different meaning, and judging by the expression on Charlie's face, he had the same thought.

"Umm…yeah…" he awkwardly said, shuffling his feet a little. We looked at each other and broke down in laughter. He shook his head slightly and gave my shoulder a squeeze, and then he was out the door.

I went back upstairs, intent on finishing reading the chapter I was on. As soon as I sat down on my bed, however, my thoughts began to go over the last few weeks. That day in the meadow, I had gotten to know a side of Jasper that reminded me a lot of myself. He was lost and felt like he didn't know up from down anymore. I could relate; that was how I had felt the first months after Edward left. We talked for a long time about how I had changed, what I had done to come into my own more, and how easy it was to be affected by what other people thought about you.

Jasper was fascinating to me; he was a contradictory man. He appeared to be very confident, and yet he felt insecure. He was privy to everyone's emotions and he could influence them as he wanted, but he didn't have a real handle on his own feelings. He showed a quite depth of character, even though he was almost a stranger to himself.

We'd started a comfortable friendship that day, and I found that the more time I spent around him, the more I wanted to get to know him. We had not had any time to really talk since that day, but he always made sure to give me a hug when he saw me, and there was a lot of meaningful looks exchanged between us. We had slipped into a way of private communication through emotions, and it felt sort of intimate, but good. I enjoyed getting to know him through his emotions and I probably liked his arms around me a bit more than I should, but I tried not to think about it too much, and just appreciated it for what it was.

Jasper was not the only one I had started an unexpected friendship with; Rosalie and I had gotten to know each other a little bit better. She had approached me and expressed her gratitude for what my explanation about the bloodlust had done for Jasper. Apparently the two of them were really close, and she was elated to see some of the weight on his shoulders lifted. To say that I'd been shocked to see her be nice to me was an understatement, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

Her gratitude towards me had changed back into distaste, however, when I'd told Carlisle and Esme how I felt about them. The two of them had apologized for leaving, and said that they'd always loved me and thought of me as their daughter. I'd bristled at that statement, and I may have told them that it was bullshit. They might have loved me for making Edward happy, but they didn't love me for me, and if they actually thought of me as their daughter, I was better off without them, because _parents_ who could just up and leave their _child_ without a word or a way to stay in touch were not the kind of parents I wanted.

Rosalie had been pissed off that I spoke to Carlisle and Esme like that, and she let me know in no uncertain terms that my behavior wasn't acceptable. I had asked her why she was the only one allowed to voice her opinion, and the word _bitch_ was flown back and forth for a while. The family had tried to step in to break up our argument, but we'd ignored them and continued to chew each other up until we ended up with a newfound respect for each other, and an honest, and forthright friendship had been forged.

I found it quite ironic that the two Cullens I'd had the least amount of contact with before were now the two that I got along with the best. I guess in a way it made sense; Rosalie and Jasper's leaving hadn't hurt me as much as the others, but it was still unexpected.

Emmett was excited that Rosalie had warmed up to me, and he was working really hard to get back on my good side. It was almost impossible to stay upset with him, and I knew that he hadn't left me by choice. His wife had made it clear to him that he was coming with the family, and leave me to my life. I understood that, but I was still hurt by the fact that he never even tried to contact me.

It broke my heart to see Carlisle and Esme sad, and I'd had moments when I just wanted to say _to hell with my feelings_, and forgive and forget, but Laura and the pack had helped me to stay true to myself. They always reminded me that I mattered, and that I wasn't allowed to sell myself short ever again. I'd ended up making a deal with Carlisle and Esme; we would start anew. They wanted to get to know me for who I was, and I wouldn't hold their mistakes over them. It would take time, but I had hope that I might be able to trust them again.

Alice was another story, though. She'd apologized profusely, but then seemed to think that everything could go back to the way they were. She had a hard time coming to terms with my new confidence, and she was clearly rattled by my ability to say no. I couldn't really blame her; I'd never denied her anything before, but her happiness was no longer more important than mine. I needed her to understand how deeply she'd hurt me, and if she truly wanted to be my friend again, she would have to start respecting my wishes.

Thinking of respecting my wishes inadvertently led me to thoughts of Edward. Both he and Jasper had explained how his vampire instincts had kicked in when he was afraid to lose me that day in the meadow. I tried to be sympathetic, but I knew that I could never really comprehend how that fear had translated into him trying to protect me from Jasper, and it made me uncomfortable. I had thought that I knew Edward, but I was beginning to realize that I knew him about as well as he knew me. I would never have thought that he would blatantly lie to me, and if someone would have said to me that he was capable of tearing a person he supposedly loved to pieces, I would have denied it till I was blue in my face.

Edward had continued to apologize to me, and he constantly tried to remind me of what we had together. He didn't quite seem to understand that it wasn't the lack of memory of our relationship holding me back, it was that his intensity was overwhelming. I had finally snapped, and told him to back off. I'd made him the same deal as the others; we could start over and get to know each other, and maybe one day we could be friends, but for the moment I needed some space from him or I would end up really disliking him. He'd agreed to my terms, and kept his distance even though I could feel his eyes following my every move.

Laura had been my lifeline these past few weeks, and I had spent a lot of time with her, talking, crying, and laughing. She was the source of balance in my messed up life with repenting vampires and worried werewolves, all struggling for my time and affection.

Angela was another person I could go to when I needed some peace. She was blissfully unaware of the supernatural creatures around us, and spending time with her and Ben worked as a release for me. With the two of them I got to be a 'normal' teenager, hanging out with friends, and that was exactly what I was attempting to do tonight.

Apparently, Mike Newton threw a mid-summer party every year, and since this was the last summer before everyone went off to college, tonight's bash was supposed to be extra big. To Angela's surprise, I didn't hesitate to accept the invitation when Mike had sprung it on me, and we had quickly made plans to get ready together. Ben was going to pick us both up at my place later, giving us time to do "the girly stuff," as he had put it.

Of course Alice knew about the party, and a slightly dazzled Mike had invited her and the rest of the "young" Cullens when she had approached him. I had mixed feelings about it. One the one hand, I wouldn't get to have a supernatural free evening after all, but on the other hand, it gave us a chance to spend some time together under less intense circumstances.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and it made me jump. I looked at the clock and realized that Angela was already here. It was time to get ready to party.

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><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

_What am I doing here?_ I asked myself for probably the tenth time in the last couple of hours. This was the last place I would ever have thought I would be, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I had agreed to come. _Oh, who was I kidding? _I knew exactly how I got roped into this, and the person responsible was off dancing and having a great time, while I stood at the sidelines trying not to get too affected by the whirlpool of emotions around me.

I felt Edward enter the room a second before I saw him; his emotions stood out from the rest of the crowd. The most prominent emotion he was emitting was grief with an undercurrent of regret, but he also had a small amount of hope mixed in, and he was clearly working on his determination.

_You're going to change tactics, Edward?_

He snapped his head towards me and gave me a small nod in confirmation. He had tried very hard the during the last weeks to be a friend to Bella, in hopes that she would see him respecting her wishes and start to see him in a different light. It wasn't working, though, and the distance between them increased rather than anything else.

He had apologized for his behavior in the meadow that day, she had accepted his apology and seemed to understand what had happened. She had told him that she didn't like to see him hurting, and she wanted them to be friends, if it were possible. Edward desperately clung to the fact that she still could see a place for him in her life and was doing anything he could to make her happy. The things that made Bella happy nowadays were, however, very different than before we'd left Forks, hence the current attendance of 'the Cullen kids' at Mike Newton's annual summer party.

Bella wanted to party, and where Bella went, we all went. We were all trying to make our abandonment up to her and show her that we really did care about her. She'd had some choice words for all of us, with the exception of me and Rose, and then she had given us one more chance to put our money where our mouths were, so to speak. She didn't trust us, and the only thing that could change that fact was proving over time that we were repentant and genuine in our intentions.

Edward, apparently impatient with the progress he was making, squared his shoulders and walked over to Bella on the makeshift dance floor. A slow song had just started and he reached out his hand to her, asking for the dance. She sighed quietly, and I could feel her discomfort, but she took his hand and was quickly pulled into his embrace. I decided to give them some privacy and went outside to find Emmett and Rosalie.

"Hey, bro! Great party, right?" Emmett greeted me with a huge smile. He'd been working hard on getting back in Bella's good graces, and was overjoyed at the idea of going to a party with her. Apparently the joy hadn't diminished, because he was practically bouncing on his feet. Rose was looking at her husband with mild amusement, and the immense love she had for him always made me feel good.

"Not really my scene."

"Yeah, but come on; you have to admit that it's pretty funny watching them getting more and more drunk, and they say the most hilarious things. Try to think of it as a scientific study in the behaviors of inebriated teens."

"They're not animals in a zoo, Emmett," Rose said. She scoffed, but the laughter in her voice belied the chastising tone she was going for.

"Sure they are, Rosie, look at them. See all the mating rituals going on? Males trying to outdo each other for the female's attention, and females primping themselves to lure in the most desired male."

"They do that every day," Rose argued. I had to agree with her there.

"Yeah, but with the alcohol in their systems they're losing their inhibitions and going full out." He nodded towards a couple of girls in the process of unbuttoning their shirts to show off more cleavage.

"True, but it looks as if alcohol isn't needed in every case," Rose said with a smirk. I followed her line of sight and saw Bella making her way over towards us, Edward hot on her heels. He was definitely not one of the drunken teens, but he was most undoubtedly fighting for the attention of a certain female.

"Hey, guys, what are you doing all the way over here?" Bella asked with a frown. "Why aren't you dancing like the rest of us? I know you can dance. You're ,like, super-coordinated and stuff."

We looked at her for a second, and then the three of us broke out in laughter.

"Bella's drunk!" Emmett bellowed in glee.

"I'm not _drunk_," she said with a huff. "I'm _happy_!" She nodded her head in affirmation, while swaying slightly on her feet.

"She's clearly drunk, and I'm concerned," Edward said at a level not audible for humans.

"Oh, come on, Edward, she's having fun, don't ruin it," Emmett said. Bella squinted her eyes at him and looked back at Edward.

"Are you talking about me behind my back, right in front of me?" She tilted her head to the side. "That was a weird thing to say, wasn't it?" She mused, seemingly in deep thought. I could feel her concoction of amusement, confusion and awe, and I wondered what was going on in that mind of hers. Edward's frustration told me that he, too, wondered the same thing.

"There's a lot of weird sayings, though." We were all listening to her with rapt attention. "_Like a bat out of hell._ Where did that expression come from anyway? Why is the bat in hell to begin with?" she asked. I could feel a strong sense of confusion emanating from her.

"Or _holy crow…_ I mean, _holy cow_ I get, with the cow's status in India and all, but crows? Are they worshipped in some obscure country that I've never heard of? But that doesn't make sense either, because if it's not a well-known fact that crows are worship worthy than why are so many people using the expression?"

Emmett couldn't hold in his laughter anymore, but it didn't stop Bella from rambling.

"What about…_it's raining cats and dogs_, _stealing someone's thunder_, _easy as a cakewalk_?" she asked. "Has anyone ever seen ever seen cats and dogs dropping down from the sky? And how can you steal someone's thunder? How do you even get your own personal thunder? And _cakewalk_? What the hell is that anyway? Did someone once line up a row of cakes for people to walk on?"

The amusement of everyone finally got to me and I broke down in laughter. She was absolutely adorable in her ponderings and the love we all felt for her only intensified.

"I love a _happy_ Bella!" Rose exclaimed in between giggles, and Emmett and I nodded our heads in agreement.

Edward might not be too keen of the fact that Bella was drinking, but he still chuckled at her reflections. "Well, I don't know the reason behind all of them," he said, "but to steal someone's thunder comes from the seventeenth century, when somebody stole the idea of a play writer named John Dennis who had built a machine that made sounds like thunder."

I felt bad for him. He clearly thought he had found a way to relate to her, but it didn't exactly have the desired effect, as Bella turned around and glared at him.

"Thank you, Mr. Walking Know It All," she spat, and the mood was instantly ruined.

"I didn't mean—" He started to defend himself, but she quickly cut him off.

"Yeah, I know…" she said, sighing, and then continued, "I need another drink."

"I'll get one for you." Emmett offered, and took off towards the table where the various liquors were kept.

"Ooookay," Bella said. She looked at his retreating form, amusement clear in her expression.

"I'll go help him," Rose said. "I'll make sure you get something that's actually drinkable." She winked at Bella, and walked after Emmett with a smile on her lips, leaving Bella, Edward and myself. The silence was uncomfortable so I looked around to see what Alice was up to. Last time I saw her she was talking to Jessica, of all people, and I really didn't want to go anywhere near that particular human.

"She's still talking to her," Edward answered my unspoken question, and then, noticing Bella frowning, added: "Alice is talking to Jessica."

"Oh," Bella said and laughed. "Better her than me."

We all chuckled a little, and then the silence came back. It felt extremely awkward, and I needed to do something.

"May I have this dance, Miss Bella?" I asked in a heavy southern drawl, adding a bow for effect. Bella laughed, put her hand in mine, and started to tug me towards the dance floor. Edward stood watching us with a mixture of jealousy and sadness.

We reached the dance floor just as the music changed to some Latin inspired rhythms. I smiled and leaned down to whisper in Bella's ear, "I hope you know how to salsa." I felt a quick burst of fear and insecurity from her, but then it changed to confidence and mischief.

She got up on her toes and whispered back in my ear, "You'll just have to teach me, señor."

"Para mí será un placer," I said, and spun her around so her back was towards me. She gasped, but relaxed her body against mine. I gently put my hands on her hips and guided her movements.

"It's all in the hips," I said. "Feel the rhythm and move your hips, the rest of your body will follow." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and tried to do as I instructed. It took a little while, but she found the rhythm and started to move her hips in slow seductive rotations.

I still had my hands on her hips and pulled her closer to me. She put a hand on my arm and threw her other arm up behind her head. She threaded her fingers in my hair and sighed softly. We moved together as if we'd been dancing together for years, our bodies responding to each other perfectly. She was so warm and soft, and I marveled at the feel of her against me.

We had exchanged a few hugs in the past weeks, it wasn't the first time I was close to her, but this was completely different somehow. The music was intoxicating and the air seemed charged. I was getting affected by the lust of the people around me, and by the inebriated woman in my arms.

I moved my right hand from her hip and slowly let it trail around her body until it rested against her stomach. Her top had risen up a little due to her arm being behind her head, and my fingertips landed on her bare skin. She was silky smooth and oh, so warm. I gently caressed the sliver of skin, exploring the texture and the feel of her muscles moving underneath.

She was a little ticklish towards the right side of her waist, and I rejoiced in her giggling. It was such an unusual sound coming from Bella, she wasn't the giggling type of girl, but I found it to be quite lovely. I trailed my fingers around her belly button, feeling the dip and the softness. I was totally lost in the sensations of her, and I don't know if I was projecting, but Bella moaned and pressed herself closer against me.

I could feel myself growing hard against her, and I suddenly realized that things were quickly getting out of control. Thankfully the song came to an end, and we both seemed to snap out of whatever trance we had been in. We pulled away from each other, and I could feel the slight embarrassment coming from Bella.

"Um…" she said, turning around to face me. "Well, that was…" she trailed off, not finding the correct words.

"Interesting?" I provided, smiling a little in hopes of alleviating some of the tension. She laughed, and I could almost feel her giving herself a mental shake.

"Yes, _interesting_. That's a good word."

"Thank you for the dance, Miss Bella," I said, laying the southern drawl on thick. I felt a quick burst of lust from her, and realized that the drawl probably wasn't the best idea to make things less awkward between us, as she seemed to actually like it.

"Thank you, Jasper. I'm going to see if Emmett managed to find me that drink now," she said, stretching up to give me a kiss on the cheek before walking away in search for Emmett.

I stood watching her retreating form, wondering what the hell just happened, when I felt an intense torrent of jealousy. I looked around and met Edward's dark eyes.

_Calm down, Edward._ I thought at him. _We can't have you lose it here among all the humans._

I projected a heavy dose of calm towards him, and walked outside, telling him to follow me. We reached the far end of the garden and found a relatively private place, we could still hear all the party goers, but the humans wouldn't be able to hear us.

"Let's sit down," I said._ And you can tell me what's going on with you._I added.

"You already know what going on with me, Jasper," he said. The hostility in his voice mirrored the jealousy he was feeling. "Do I need to spell it out for you?"

We sat down on the grass; I stretched my legs out in front of me and leaned back on my hands, enjoying the feeling of the soft grass beneath my fingers.

"Tell me," I urged him.

"Fine," he huffed. He was clearly annoyed that I was making him talk about it. "That was totally inappropriate behavior back there, Jasper. You were touching her, and having lust filled thoughts."

"And?" I encouraged him. He needed to let it out so we could talk about the more important things that were bothering him.

"And…and…and it's Bella!"

"Yeah."

"You've got Alice. How do you think she would feel about you touching her best friend like that?"

"First of all, Edward, this isn't about me and Alice, or even me and Bella. And second of all I wouldn't call Alice and Bella best friends anymore. Would you?" The relationship between the two of them was definitely not what it used to be. Alice was trying to make amends, but her abandonment had hurt Bella almost as much as Edward's had.

"What do you mean, it's not about you and Bella? Of course it is!"

"No, Edward, it's not. Bella and I got a little carried away while dancing. I was affected by all the emotions around me, and Bella… well, her inhibitions are lowered at the moment," I said, chuckling a little, thinking about her ramblings earlier.

"Yes, but even without alcohol, she's a lot less shy than she used to be," he said. His emotions spoke of a mixture of pride and sadness.

"She's certainly changed a lot."

"I don't know what to do, Jasper." Finally we could begin to talk about the real issue. "I feel as if I don't know her anymore, and every attempt I make to rectify that is met with either scorn or irritation."

He got up on his feet and started to pace around, and the frustration rolled off of him. I sat quietly, giving him a chance to sort through his thoughts and feelings. After a while, he sighed and sat back down next to me.

"What am I doing wrong?"

"She's been deeply hurt, Edward."

"I know that, and I keep apologizing, but it's not helping."

"Maybe you need to stop apologizing, and start proving to her that you've learned a lesson?" I suggested.

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

"I am in a unique position, Edward. I can feel your remorse and your lack in confidence, but she can't. I know that you did what you thought was best, and that you've come to realize that you made a huge mistake, not including her opinion."

"Yes, I know that, and I've told her that."

"You may have told her that, but have you really changed your behavior towards her?" I started to run my mind over all the times in the past where he would make decisions without consulting her.

"I'm hardly doing that now," he said with indignation, "she's not listening to anything I've got to say anyway."

"She's not listening because you're still telling her what she should or shouldn't do," I said.

"I'm not—" he started, but I had to cut him off.

"If you're going to have any chance at all to get back in her good graces, you need to hear me out." He sighed, but nodded for me to continue.

"Think about how you have reacted to things, Edward." In my mind I showed him his less than positive reaction to her spending time with the wolves, how he'd handled finding out about her particular relationships with two of the wolves, how he kept frowning when she used foul language and his lecturing about her drinking.

"I just want her to be safe." He barked out his reply quickly, but I could feel his resignation. He knew that he was going about things in the wrong way.

"It won't be easy, but you need to accept that Bella has changed, and you will have to do some changes of your own. Your intentions are good, but you come across as being uptight, and she's already got one father, she doesn't need a second one."

"You sure about that?" he asked with a smile. I followed his line of sight and saw Bella knock back a shot of some clear liquid.

"Want to go back?" I asked, feeling his need to be closer to her. He nodded his head and we walked back over to the partying humans. Someone called out for body shots, and there was a loud roar in consent to this idea.

Alice came running up to me, radiating exhilaration. "This is going to be so much fun," she squealed. I looked to Edward, but he just shrugged, indicating Alice was guarding her thoughts. Whatever it was, she was clearly happy about it, and I couldn't help but to project her emotions, making everyone around me feel even higher than they already did.

Jessica was eager to do a body shot on Mike, and we all stood watching, unable to look away. She was trying too hard to be sexy, and ended up looking pathetic, but Mike seemed to enjoy himself, so who was I to judge? I could feel disbelief radiating from Bella and I shot her a quick burst of curiosity. She smirked, and shook her head at me.

Emmett caught our brief interaction and threw an arm around Bella's shoulders. "Think you could do a better job?" He challenged her.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She shot right back at him, and his interest peaked.

"Hell yeah, I would." He exclaimed, and then got a calculating gleam in his eyes. "But you wouldn't do something like that, Bella, would you? Lick some guy right in front of everyone?" I could feel his excitement, but he did a good job of keeping the mask of skepticism. Bella, however, didn't buy his act, and the mischief coming from her almost made me giddy.

"No, you're right, I wouldn't do that." Emmett's face fell when he realized that he was unsuccessful in his effort to goad her into it. Bella laughed at him and reached out her hand for Rose, giving Emmett a wink.

"But I would lick a beautiful girl in front of everyone," she said with a devilish smirk, and all of our jaws dropped.

_Holy shit, that was hot!_

"What do you say?" Bella asked, running her hand through Rose's hair. "Are you up for it?"

"As long as you're the one doing the licking, Bella," Rose answered, and Emmett was practically panting from lust.

Bella guided Rose to a lawn chair, then went to get whatever supplies she needed. Most of the humans had gathered around to watch the show, and the anticipation was high.

I noticed Edward warring between feelings of impropriety and curiosity. I silently reminded him of what we'd talked about, and he gave me a pleading look, asking for help. I shot him some calm and happiness, and watched as he visually changed demeanor in front of me.

Bella came back, carrying salt, a lemon wedge, and shot glass of something that smelled like tequila. She slowly sauntered over to Rose, who was eyeing the lemon with trepidation. Bella smiled at her, raising an eyebrow in a silent question, and Rose nodded her head, showing that she was still game.

Bella handed Rose the salt and the shot glass, and then got down on her knees in front of her. She nudged Rose's legs apart and crawled in between them. The lust level rose around me, and I was dangerously close to getting a hard-on. I pulled Alice in front of me and wrapped my arms around her, covering any possible embarrassing reactions.

"Open up," Bella said, and put the lemon wedge between Rosalie's lips. "Hm, I think I'll need to make some more room here," she mused and started to pull down Rose's top a little, making Emmett groan.

Bella leaned in and licked along Rose's collarbone up her neck, leaving a wet trail that she quickly sprinkled salt on. She took the shot glass, pushed Rose's breast apart a little and placed the glass in her cleavage. She sat back on her heels for a moment, searching for Emmett. Apparently satisfied with the expression on his face, she rose back up on her knees and slowly licked up the salt from Rose's skin.

"Oh fuck." Emmett breathed out. I could see Bella smiling against Rose's neck before she bent down to wrap her lips around the shot glass.

"She's got her mouth against my Rosie's breasts." Emmett's voice had a husky tone to it, and I knew that he and Rose were in for a busy night.

Bella threw her head back and swallowed the tequila. She put the glass down on the ground and reached up for the lemon wedge. Rose leaned forward, and as soon as Bella's lips touched hers, something seemed to take her over. Rose's eyes darkened and she pulled Bella closer. All of a sudden the lemon was thrown away and they were kissing. They were both radiating curiosity and surprise, but they were also feeling a lot of lust and amazement.

"The-the-they're kissing," Emmett stuttered out in astonishment. His words broke the silence that had descended when the kiss began, and the crowd erupted in cheers and whistles.

Edward and I snapped out of our staring and shared a look.

_That was seriously hot_.

He responded with a quick nod, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I realized that he didn't have someone in front of him, hiding his obvious erection, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

_Don't worry about it, Edward, judging by the general amount of lust, I'd say that all the guys are having the same problem._

Bella and Rose finally entangled themselves from their heated kiss, and Emmett bowed down in front of Bella as a show of his respect. He then quickly grabbed Rose's hand, shouted a _thanks for the party _to Mike and took off running with Rose in tow. Everyone started to laugh and the lusty haze lifted, people went back to dancing, drinking and talking. I breathed a sigh of relief and willed myself to stop think about Bella's pink tongue licking Rose.

"Bella," a voice called. A guy made his way through the dancing people. I recognized him as Angela's boyfriend.

"Bella, I have something for you," he said, waving an envelope in the air. As soon as he came closer the smell of vampire hit my nostrils.

"The envelope has been handled by a vampire," I whispered, loud enough for Bella to hear. Her eyes widened and she took a couple of steps towards the boy.

"Ben," Edward said quietly.

_What?_

"His name is Ben."

_Thanks._

"Hi, Bella," Ben said. "Mike ran out of sodas, and I being the sober one went to the store to get more. I was approached by some guy who asked about you."

"Oh?" Bella said.

"Yes, he had apparently heard about the party and thought you might be here. He seemed kind of weird, though, and I wasn't sure you knew him, so I didn't tell him where you were."

"Thanks, Ben," Bella said. She gave him a smile, showing her appreciation for him not revealing her location.

"Sure," he said, feeling very protective of her. I realized that they'd gotten closer since the last time I had met him, and I was glad that Bella had friends who were looking out for her.

"He asked me if I could give you a letter and handed me this envelope," Ben said, and Bella took it from him with a feeling of dread. She hid it well, though, and thanked him again. He turned around and went to find Angela. Bella stood frozen, staring at the envelope in her hand. Edward went up to her and gently put his arm around her shoulder, guiding her away towards a quieter place, Alice and I following behind them.

"Bella, do you want me to open it?" Edward asked.

She looked at him, confusion clear in her eyes. "Does it really smell of vampire?" she asked, and Edward nodded. "But why would a vampire give me a letter?"

"I don't know, love," Edward said softly. "Why don't you let me open it to find out?" She narrowed her eyes at him, and he quickly added, "I'll read it out loud, I promise." She nodded her consent and he ripped the envelope open.

As soon as he opened it, Alice gasped and slipped into a vision. Edward growled and I couldn't take it anymore. I yanked the envelope away from him and looked inside. There wasn't a letter in it, though, but pictures. Pictures of a broken human who had obviously been tortured, then killed. Across one of the pictures, eight words were written: _See what happens to people you love, Bella?_


	10. Chapter 10

Huge thanks to my amazing beta Her Mighty Ubergeekness, for not only working her magic on this chapter, but also for kicking my ass when I need it. She's been absolutely awesome and deserves a lot of love. MWAH

As always, I have to thank Simaril and Verseseven. I would be lost without you, and I flove you hard!

**Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.**

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><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

"She's not coming with us."

"It's the only way, Edward, you saw that."

"But, it's too dangerous."

I tuned out the quiet arguing between Alice and Edward and took another look at the Polaroid pictures in my hands. It was clear that the goal had been to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible. The amount of blood told me that there had been no feeding. Whoever the vampire was that had done this, he or she was controlled enough to handle a lot of blood without going into a frenzy.

"Will you two stop your hissing?" Bella said. "You told me you wouldn't hide it from me, Edward, but now you're whispering." The irritation and fear was radiating off her as she turned to me.

"Jasper, show me." The demand was clear in her voice, and I had no intention of trying to withhold anything from her.

"I'll show you, but be prepared." I warned her. "It's very graphic, and it's very bad."

"Okay." She took a deep breath, trying to steel herself.

"They're pictures of someone being killed." I wanted her to have a chance to choose for herself if she actually needed to look at the photos.

"Oh god, please tell me it's not Charlie." She pleaded.

"No. It's a woman. I don't know who she is, but it is written on one of the pictures that it is someone you love."

"You don't need to look at it, Bella," Edward said. She just glared at him and held her hand out for the pictures. She took them with trembling hands, and as soon as she looked at them I was hit with the most excruciating pain. It felt as if someone had reached inside my chest and wrapped their fingers around my heart, squeezing it tight. I wanted to scream and release some of the pure agony coursing through me. My legs started to buckle underneath me and I began to drown in the force of the emotions.

"We need to get out of here," Alice said. "People will notice if Bella and Jasper break down."

_Bella_.

It was Bella's emotions. Bella's pain. I needed to get it together for her. I needed to help her.

_Oh god, it hurt._

I reached out and absorbed some of the emotions from the partying humans, trying to focus on the feelings of joy. It wasn't easy; most of them felt lust, envy, and jealousy along with intense giddiness. Drunken teenagers weren't exactly the best source for calming emotions. Searching a little deeper I finally found something helpful: love. Pure, undiluted, genuine love. I soaked it up, letting it wash over me, soothing the pain. I briefly wondered who the emotions emanated from; they were so out of character for the mostly self-absorbed people around us. My eyes landed on the embracing forms of Ben and Angela, and I smiled in spite of myself. They were truly nice people, and they clearly loved each other deeply.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." I heard Bella whimpering.

I stepped up to her, took her trembling hands in mine and projected some of the calming love to her. She looked up from the pictures clutched in between our hands and met my eyes. Her deep brown eyes widened slightly when she felt the love, but the pain lessened and I could feel her gratitude.

"Let's go," I said. I looked over at Alice and Edward, who seemed to be locked in one of their silent conversations. I couldn't wait for them to try to figure out the best way to go about things; I needed to get Bella out of here.

"Alice, you and Edward go and thank Mike for inviting us and tell him we're leaving. If he asks why we're leaving early, just make up some kind of excuse, he's probably too drunk to care anyway. Bella, you and I are going to go wait for them in the car. Okay?"

"Angela and Ben," she said.

I furrowed my brows and looked at her questioning, but then I realized that she came with them and was probably supposed to leave with them as well.

"Alice and Edward will let them know that you're leaving with us." I left no room for argument and started to tug gently on her hands to get her to come with me.

_Go, Edward. You and Alice take care of things here and I'll take care of Bella. _

I felt his warring emotions. He obviously wanted to be the one to take care of Bella, but he knew that I would be of greater help for her at the moment and his concern for her outweighed his need to be close to her.

Bella and I made our way towards the car in silence. Her emotions told me that she probably was in shock so I continued to send her some calm. I didn't want to alter her emotions too much, but it wouldn't do anyone any good if she broke down. I needed her composed enough to be able think clearly and to give me as much information as possible.

I shoved the pictures in the pocket of my jeans and held the car door open for her. I then slid behind her in the backseat and took her hands in mine again.

"Bella, look at me." She turned her body towards me and looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"I need to ask you a few questions," I said softly.

She nodded her head.

"Who's the woman in the pictures?"

"It's L-Laura." As soon as she spoke the name the tears started to roll down her cheeks and I could feel the pain intensify again. I increased the calm and tried not to be overwhelmed with her emotions again.

"Who's Laura, darlin'? I need to know a little bit more. Where does she live? When did you see her last?"

"She's my friend. She lives down in La Push with her…Claire!" A sudden sense of realization and panic overtook her. "Oh god, Claire! Jasper, we need to go there now!"

"Go where?" I asked.

"To Laura – to the pictures – where she is – Claire – " Her words were barely audible between her sobs and I was afraid she'd start to hyperventilate. I let go of her hands and brought mine up to cup her cheeks, holding her head still and forcing her to look at me.

"Breathe," I ordered. I felt her irritation and frustration flair. "You need to breathe and calm down so you can tell me what you're talking about. I can't help you if I don't know." Relief flooded through her when she realized I wasn't trying to keep her from anything, but rather wanting to get some more information.

"We need to find her!"

"We will, but there's nothing we can do for her. She's dead, darlin'." I knew I was being blunt, but I didn't want her to have any false hope that we could save her friend.

"I know that!" Her anger flared and instinctively I took my hands away from her, holding them up to show I was no threat. Over a century's worth of experience had taught me never to have my limbs close to the mouth of someone that angry. My mind knew that Bella wasn't able to inflict any damage to me, but my body still reacted on instinct.

"I'm talking about Claire, her daughter." The anger subsided as her fear took over. "Laura and Claire were going to the Makah reservation today to visit friends. We need to find Claire, she's just a toddler." Her voice broke again, and now I understood her fear and panic. I didn't want to think about what the vampire had done to the child, but if by some miracle she was still alive, we had to move quickly.

"Okay, we'll find her. I can hear Alice and Edward coming now, so we should be on our way in just a few seconds."

"Kay," she whispered.

Alice and Edward got into the car and Edward instantly started the engine. His feelings were of worry, but he also felt resigned. I figured that Alice had seen the decision and he knew there would be no point in trying to talk Bella out of coming with us. His slight nod confirmed my thoughts.

"I don't know exactly where she is, but I know we'll find her," Alice said. "Just drive towards the Makah reservation and we should be able to make out the scent."

We drove in silence with the windows down, hoping to catch either of blood or the scent of vampire. Bella's emotions were threatening to drag me under again. I hadn't struggled this hard since my first years in this life, before I learned to handle my gift. I couldn't understand why her emotions got to me this way, and I didn't like it.

Edward was doing his best to try to keep his emotions in check to make it easier for me, but his concern for Bella was too big to be concealed. I leaned forward and gestured for Alice to give me her hand. My abilities were always intensified if I had direct contact, and Alice had decades of practice controlling her emotions in order to help me. As soon as her hand was in mine I could feel the mixture of love, calm, and contentment she always sent me. I briefly closed my eyes and let my body soak up the peaceful emotions. Underneath her standard mix was something else though, and I did something I hardly ever did. I dug a little deeper.

I normally tried not to pry too deep into people's emotions, they were entitled to feel whatever they did, and it wasn't up to me to try to dissect them. I especially tried to respect my family members' privacy, but there was something in Alice's emotions that felt odd. If she had seen something about the situation we were getting into, I needed to know. I sampled her emotions and discovered feelings of excitement and … was it glee I sensed?

"What the hell, Alice?"

She snatched her hand from mine, and I felt a brief shot of panic before she masterfully morphed her emotions back into the peaceful ones.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy, I was trying to think of happy things to make it easier for you. I guess I overdid it." Her remorse was real, and I apologized for overreacting. I should know better than to suspect her trying to hide things. She knew how important it was that I had all the information available going into a potential dangerous situation, and she'd never let me down before.

Suddenly the smell of blood was heavy in the air. We were close. I reached out to see if I could sense anyone, and in the distance I felt fear and panic. Someone was out there.

Edward drove a little bit further and then stopped when we came upon an abandoned car in the ditch. The scent of vampire was strong, but it didn't seem to be fresh.

"Maybe an hour or two," Edward said. I agreed and then turned to Bella.

"It doesn't seem to be any danger, but I want you to stay close to me, just in case."

"Okay," she answered. We all got out of the car; I scooped Bella up in my arms and jumped over the ditch. I set her back down on her feet and took her hand. I wanted to hold on to her for several reasons, protection and comfort being the main ones. There was something about her that made me want to take care of her, to see to it that no harm ever came to her.

"She does have that effect on people, doesn't she?" Edward whispered too low for her to hear. The love and amazement he felt for her helped me keep my emotions in check. The further into the woods we got, the more Bella's fear and dread intensified.

"Over here," Alice called. I could hear a heartbeat, and as we rounded the big rock in front of us the scene that greeted us broke my heart. The lifeless body of the woman in the pictures was lying on the ground, her eyes glassed over, staring up in the sky. Next to the body, in a pool of blood, sat a little girl with tears running down her cheeks as she tried to get her mother to wake up.

"Claire." Bella's voice broke and she grabbed my hand a little harder. I couldn't muster up any positive emotions to send her, but she seemed to calm down on her own. She let go of my hand and slowly walked over to the little girl.

"Claire, honey," Bella said in a soft voice.

"'Ella!" she cried. "Mommy no wake up."

"I know, sweetie." Bella dropped to her knees and pulled the little girl into her lap. The action caused the scent of the blood to swirl and I could feel the bloodlust begin to stir. I had stopped breathing the instance we got to the body, but Edward and Alice had not, and they were now warring with themselves to not attack the two humans in front of them.

Thanks to Bella I now knew that their struggles affected me, and that thought empowered me. Whereas I would normally berate myself for not having more control and fleeing the situation before I did any damage, I now recognized that I was indeed in control. I just needed to get them out of here in order not to let their needs overtake me.

"Edward, Alice, go run a perimeter. Make sure there's no one around to surprise us." I didn't want to use the word vampire, as I didn't know how coherent little Claire was. We certainly didn't need to traumatize her anymore.

"Edward, you call Carlisle and tell him that he's needed here. Alice, you call the Alpha of the pack and tell him what's happened." My orders were swift and firm, leaving no room for wavering. They both looked at me, feeling surprised and a little intimidated. They were not used to me taking charge like that, and didn't quite know how to react to it.

"Go!"

With a final look of concern towards Bella, Edward took off. I felt a flare of irritation from Alice and raised an eyebrow at her, challenging her. With a huff she turned around and ran after Edward. She was used to being the one to call the shots, and she didn't like to have the roles reversed. I sighed in exasperation. She would be pissed at me later, but I really didn't care. It had been too long since I made any significant decisions, and it felt good to get some confidence back. I'd always been a natural leader, but somehow I'd lost touch with that side of myself.

I watched Bella cradle Claire in her arms, rocking her as she cried for her mother. The changes she'd instigated in me were remarkable, and I was infinitely grateful for having this beautiful young woman in my life.

"Bella, I'm going to pick you up and move away from here," I said softly. She looked up at me, nodded her head and grabbed Claire a little tighter. I squatted down and put an arm under Bella's legs and the other behind her back. I stood up carefully with my precious cargo in my arms. I was surprised with the sudden calm that came over me. It felt oddly right to have Bella in my arms like this, and I could tell that she also felt it. We looked at each other with confusion, wondering what was going on. Claire's whimper brought us back to reality.

"It's okay, you're safe now," Bella cooed.

I quickly walked away from the scene of the gruesome murder and headed towards the car. There was a fallen tree on the side of the ditch. I sat down on it, Bella still in my arms.

"Is there anything you can do to help her?" Bella asked. She looked at Claire who was clinging tightly to Bella, tears constantly running down her face. I couldn't even imagine the trauma the little girl had suffered.

"I can calm her down, and maybe ..." I started to ponder what I could do to make things easier for her.

"'Maybe' what?"

"I can try something, but I don't know if it'll work." I couldn't believe I was actually considering this; I was a firm believer in letting people feel what they did, and not mess too much with it, but I also knew that chances were high that that night's events would seriously affect the rest of her life. This little girl had witnessed something no one should ever witness, and if I could have made a difference in how she handled it, that would have been a good thing, wouldn't it?

Bella had watched me intently, staying silent and waiting for me to get my thoughts together. I was grateful that she wasn't pushing me. She seemed to understand I was struggling with something, and she gave the space to work through it on my own. I felt a surge of love and confidence; she was giving me her silent support. It was astonishing how this little human understood me in a way nobody have ever done.

"Okay, I can try something, but I'm not sure it will work."

"I trust you." Those three little words were spoken with such conviction, and the feelings behind them showed that she was completely honest. I was once again amazed by the faith she had in me and I suddenly knew I could do it. I could help this little girl that was so important to Bella.

I projected some calm and trust to Claire and looked her firmly in the eyes.

"My name is Jasper and I'm going to help you, Claire." My voice sounded a little odd to me; it wasn't quite as compelling as I thought it should be, but it had the desired effect. She lifted her head from Bella's shoulder and looked at me.

"I need you to breathe with me." I directed. "Breathe in and then out again … slowly." I exaggerated my own breathes to get her to mimic me. She tried, but I had failed to take the smaller volume of her lungs into account and she began to feel a little panicked when she couldn't mirror me.

"Oops, I'm sorry. Your little lungs can't handle that much air at once." I smiled and poked her softly in the chest while sending her some happy feelings. She giggled and relaxed again.

After a while of breathing exercises with constant eye contact I could feel her emotions change and I knew it was time. I started to talk to her in a soft, but firm voice, telling her that everything would be fine, that she would get through this, that she was a strong little girl who would grow up to be a strong woman capable of doing anything she wanted. I told her that she would be happy, that she had people who loved her very much, and that she was safe. As I was doing this I kept pulling emotions from her, almost replacing the negative ones with positive ones.

Bella was looking at me inquiringly, she knew that I could only make someone feel a manufactured emotion for the time being and was no doubt wondering what would happen to Claire when I wasn't around anymore. I shook my head at her, indicating that I would explain later.

I continued working with Claire until I heard the sounds of a car approaching in the distance. I started to ease up on the emotional cocktail I was feeding her, and was pleased to feel the affects on her. She was still sad, but the severe feelings of trauma, shock, and fear were gone. I could feel an underlying sense of security in her, and when I smiled at her she instantly reciprocated. With the help of the people around her, she was going to be fine.

Intense emotions of grief, worry, and anger hit me. The wolves were close.

"I'm going to make you sleep now, and when you wake up you'll be with people who care about you, and you'll be safe." She reached her little hand out to me and petted my cheek. I hadn't felt the touch of a child since I was human, and suddenly a face floated before my eyes. It was the face of my little sister. I almost sobbed; I hadn't been able to clearly make out her features for years, not since before I'd met the Cullens.

"Are you okay, Jasper?" Bella asked. I shook my head to dispel the images and return to the presence.

"I'm fine," I answered with a smile. I took Claire's little hand in mine and placed a kiss in her palm. She giggled again and then promptly fell asleep due the heavy mixture of lethargy and drowsiness I fed her.

The car came to a skidding stop at the same time as the smell of wolves intensified. A man and a woman got out of the car and while the fear they felt when they saw me sitting with Bella and Claire in my lap was understandable, it still annoyed me.

"Bella!" the woman called. I quickly stood up and jumped over the ditch with the girls still in my arms. The man, who I recognized to be Sam, the Alpha of the pack, hardly contained his growl when I suddenly was before the woman. He felt incredibly protective of her, and I realized it was his mate.

"Emily, I'm so sorry," Bella said. I put her down on her feet again, making sure she had a hold on the sleeping girl in her arms.

"Are you okay? Claire? Laura?" The worry and grief were pouring out of her and she threw her arms around Bella, enclosing Claire in her embrace.

"Bella and Claire are both physically fine," I answered. "I put Claire to sleep."

Sam and I shared a look when we heard the pounding of paws come closer. "Thank you for taking care of her. She definitely didn't need to see a pack of large wolves on top of everything."

I felt his relief and gratitude, and gave him a small nod of understanding.

"I'm going to call for Embry to take the girls back to our house, and then we can talk."

A few minutes later the sounds of running stopped abruptly and a chorus of heartbreaking howls rang through the forest. Sam called out an order for silence and for Embry to come to us. The howling stopped and all that could be heard was some whimpering. A young man came walking out of the woods, looking distraught.

"Take Emily, Bella, and Claire to my house," Sam said.

"I'm staying here," Bella said.

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am. This concerns me, Sam, and I'm going to be here and see things through." She had a look of determination on her face, and I could feel Sam's frustration.

"Fine," he gritted out. He'd clearly faced a determined Bella before and knew that he wouldn't be able to convince her to change her mind. Embry took the sleeping Claire from Bella's arms and ran to the car. Emily gave Bella another hug before being whisked away to the car in Sam's arms. He whispered words of love to her, gave her a kiss, and watched in silence as they drove off. He took a few deep breathes, clenching his fists and squaring his shoulders. He turned back around, jumped over the ditch and prepared himself for the sight ahead.


End file.
